How much do you do for your dh/dp?

[sportyspice]

I just wondered how self sufficient other peoples dh/dp's are and how much in addition to their job they do at home. I make all the meals including brekkie on table ready for when out of shower along with fresh coffee,wash up, make packed lunch,fresh cappucino's when in from work, do all housework, washing, ironing, he has never done a sleepless night,leave him to lie in every weekend and i do virtually everything to do with the children ie bathing, dressing etc although he might deal with the odd nappy perhaps 3 a week.

how old is he? Sounds like about 2! Dh would tink i'd ben replaced by an alien if this appened in our ouse. It is partly your fault if you are doing it. I'd love someone to do that for me.

Before the baby, we pretty much took care of our own meals and laundry, except dinner, which he mostly made because I got home late. Now that I'm a SAHM, I usually make lunch (he's on his own for breakfast, but I make sure there's always a few choices) when he comes home, I make dinner about 6 nights a week do all the shopping, do all his laundry and ironing, and most of the cleaning. (He takes care of his bathroom, and helps in the kitchen)When he comes home, he plays with the baby so I can do dinner. He did a great job helping with night duty when needed, making sure that I got one couple-hour stretch of sleep a night. He can do any household chore himself, and is wonderful, because he believes that I have a more-than-full-time "job" and that I need help, too.

Dp goes to work and i actually LIKE my role as.....what should i call it.....homemaker(sounds strange to me!!)-sahm??

HOWEVER, when he gets in from work he takes care of dd for a bit and i do my thing (mumsnet), and at the moment i've sent him for fish and chips, and i ALWAYS get a lie in on a Saturday. I am up at least an hour before him every other day so tis only fair!!

My husband can be completely self sufficient. He can take care of both boys on his own for at least a long weekend (haven't done any longer, yet, but they're still young), as well as take care of us by cooking dinner, doing washing up, etc (not all the time!) even with a job. He usually does the bathing of the kids and puts at least one out of two to sleep every night. He usually gets up with them, if I think about it. (They're 2 1/2 and 6 1/2.. this wasn't true when they were little and still breastfeeding!)

It's reassuring to us both that we can handle the kids and house equally well.

Blimey! I hope dh doesn't read this thread. Don't want him getting any ideas.

I'm a SAHM. Dh usually cooks 2 or 3 nights a week. Bizarrely he actually enjoys washing up so he does that every night and I do it during the day. We both help bath the ds's and dh puts both boys to bed. I do the washing and most of the general housework. At weekends we both share nappy duties, especially as until a few weeks ago both boys were wearing nappies day and night. When bf'ing I did the night-time feeds but dh would change night-time nappies if needed so that I could at least get some sleep.

MIL had dh well-trained before I married him.

I don't see a fault in what i do but yes i do always just get on and do things because he's not the most motivated person at home as he works long and hard and i guess sort of collapses at home!!

I meant I hope dh doesn't read sportyspice's original post.

I'm with JJ. My husband can do all the houshold chores - he did them before I met him - so I expect him to pull his weight around the house. We are realistic, though. I can't keep on top of the housework and ironing to dh's exacting standards and he can't work f/t and do it all either so we employ someone to do a thorough clean and a load of ironing during the week. This means that we can share out the "maintenence" and not get annoyed with each other or resentful. Is this a financial option for you, Sportyspice? We share the childcare during the evenings and on weekends.

Mine could do it all as well. He regularly looks after the 4 kids while I nip off for a night or a weekend away. I wouldn't trust him near any of the ironing though, and if he had to do laundry I would have to leave written instructions, but apart from that he can do it all, even if it isn't exactly as I would do it iyswim. He's watching them solo for 5 days at the end of October.

Fabarooney - how do you mean a financial option? do you mean me doing everything and not having a cleaner etc? we could afford a cleaner and someone to do ironing etc but i'd just as well get on with it myself and save the money plus i do enjoy 'pruning my nest' (sounds a bit rude!!)

sportyspice, you sound like my mum & dad. My dad had a very manual job and worked long hours so the last thing he wanted to be doing is ironing!! It worked well for my mum & dad. Mum was SAHM and just got on with things, she says now that it would've been nice if he'd helped a bit more with me and my brother but he did take charge of the garden, car and DIY so I guess he pulled his weight there.
If your happy with the set up then thats fine but it might be nice for you to have the occasional night off.

In our house it's like this, I'm on maternity leave so do all the householdy type stuff but as soon as DH walks in the door he takes charge of DS and will put him to bed and on the weekends he looks after DS whilst I catch up on other things.

At the moment I am on mat. leave with no2 but DS is at nursery 3 days a week so just have DD those days. I do all the cleaning and cooking. DH does most of the dishwasher loading/kitchen tidying and makes us all breakfast (only various cereals/drinks so not a biggie). If he's taking sandwiches to work he does them himself. We bath the kids together and then he does DS's story while I feed DD. 50/50 on dressing DS, but I a,most always do DD. He takes DS to nursery and DD and I walk down to collect him. I do most of laundry but ironing is 50/50. I do gardening and he cuts grass.

When I go back to work the cleaning will probably become more like 50/50.

Pruning my nest - what a great thought
Sounds like your enquiry was just from interest sportyspice - if you're happy, great. He should certainly be. As long as your dp understands how much you are doing, so that if/as things change, or if your happiness with your life changes, you can renegotiate realistically. That's part of my motivation for leaving ds and house with dp sometimes, it's not that it's so appalling to do it all myself, I just always find he's a lot more helpful after I come back
Currently i do pretty much all of it as dh has just started a new job which needs longer hours and he is getting used to it. But normally he does a wash up in the evening and Saturday morning is 'mine' to do what I like with. Tomorrow tho we'll be up early to watch Olympics but I should get a nap later.

I cook all dinners of a week but DH will help with it or with the kids upon coming home, usually preferring to bath our dd than stir the spuds etc
He brings me cuppa tea in bed every morning and gets dd up, changes her and brings her a cup of milk.
I do all laundry and ironing and cleaning, but he will help on a weekend if anything needs doing, he always clears the dishes and washes/loads dishwasher
Either he or I make his lunch as he is on a diet, he will feed dd brekkie while I pack his lunch or vice versa...
I now have always done the nightshift, as I breastfed til 16 mths and felt happy to do it, dd was always easy to settle.
I would not exchange my darling man for anyone... he is gold!

If you are happy with this situation then fine, but remember that you have a full time job as well - looking after your baby. Somebody (I think it was Tigermoth) once said on here that they were a SAH Mother, not a SAH cook, cleaner and general dogsbody.
My dh also has a very stressful job, and will often do an extra few hours work in the evening after the kids are in bed, but he would never dream of asking me to get up and make his breakfast before he left for work at 6.30am. He tends to get home about 6.30 and we jointly get dinner (though I plan and do preperation for meals). He then does bathtime with both kids whilst I tidy up, and then puts dd to bed whilst I feed and put ds to bed.
I do do all the housework (dd is at nursery 2 days a week so I get a chance then) and have to admit to having become a bit stepfordy about having the house spotless by Monday evening and everything tidy when he comes home. I would never dream of making him a drink if I wasn't having one myslef, but would never dream of nat asking him if he wanted something if I was gettin one (and he's the same). Until ds (3 months) was sleeping through he would get up at night if dd woke as I had to do ds as I was bf, now I tend to get up. Weekends we share lie-ins, and all chores, except shopping - he does that with dd.

crikey, I must be a crap wife!!

I'm at home writing up my PhD, with sprog due in 4 weeks.

I do the laundry, but DHs dry stuff gets bunged in the bottom of the wardrobe and he irons/sorts what he needs.

We share hoovering/cleaning bathroom/shopping cooking.

When the baby arrives I've made it perfectly clear I'm not doing any more. If he wants someone to clear up after him he can pay for a cleaner out of HIS savings. You wouldn't get a nanny doing all the housework so I don't see why I should.

Hmm, I'm bad........

50/50 in our house. I am a SAHM but we feel that my work is to look after the children?s welfare and needs - I am not the live in cleaner and all round skivvy. We chose for me to stay at home to be with the children and that did not mean hoover around them, sit them in front of a dvd while I do the ironing or whatever else.
Whilst some hosework obviously has to go on when they are awake, I do try to limit it. I am not lazy, we just put the kids first.
We start the day tidy and then let the children play.
In the early evening we split the jobs between us - DH might look after the kids while I cook or vice versa. Whie I bath them, he clears the table and loads up the dishwasher. I might do a load of ironing in front of the tv while he sorts out other stuff like the babies bottle washing or loading up the washing machine. I do the bins, he does spiders, wasps and other bugs when necessary. We share nappy duty. It is all about give and take.
It doesn?t really matter who does what as long as we both feel the balance is fair at the time and that niether one of us is being taken for granted and that the house isn?t a total bomb site

highlander

I do all the housework that gets done. DH didn't know you had to clean the loo until I moved in. I only iron as needed but dh sometimes does his own and does kids stuff if I ask. He gets up for boys in the morning, but I dress them and his job allows that he can take them to school. I do the cooking unless we get a take out. DH sometimes does washing. DH puts kids to bed and bathes them.

my dp is disabled so he's home all day so we got a lovely routine i clean the kitchen while ds is asleep then i nag him to to do the living room while i bath ds but then i was taight by my mother first question you ask his parents is is he house trained if so how well and do i need to train him any more because im his partner not his slave

50/50 in our house. I work, dp is a sahd. He does all the washing but we agreed he'd do that and in return I'd do all the dishwashing. We share shopping, cooking, cleaning and childcare pretty evenly during the evenings and weekends and I'm not here in the day so then he does all the childcare and as much as he feels like of the other chores - I certainly don't expect him to do any of it, except childcare. We also share getting up in the night to dd, who's 8 mos. Neither of us irons although I might do the odd thing myself for work. We take in in turns to make ds's packed lunch for school too. Prufrock, that might have been me, I was always banging on about it when I was a sahm

50/50 here, pretty well. Sometimes one does more, sometimes the other. We pay a cleaner. And, obviously, both grumble about how much we are put-upon.

Are you happy with the situation sportyspice? In that case then there's no problem. Your husband certainly has it made. I don't know if I'd be bragging about how little he does though.

But as you asked, my late husband was completely self-sufficient. We shared everything equally, but it was a case of whoever was around would do whatever needed doing.

Once our daughter was born and I went back to work full time when she was 9 weeks old it was exactly the same. She wouldn't breastfeed. The one advantage of which was that hubby shared the feeding equally. We would alternate nights. When it was my night I would get up with her whenever she woke, and the same when it was his night. That way each of us knew that every other night we would get to sleep all night. And at the weekends we would each get to lie in one morning a week.

Sportyspice, what are you looking for in this thread? Just curious to see what the general concensus is, or do you want to change your own situation?

whoever gets home first cooks. the twins aged 11 clean the kitchin and the living/dining room daily. i do the washing up 90% of the time except when i cant be arsed. everyone washed their own plates after tea. the stairs might get hoovered once a fortnight - by one of the kids - usually as punishment for something. the toilet and bathroom get cleaned by the kids mebbe once a week - except if we have someone visiting. they clean their own rooms - again once a fortnight - at most. and we do the washing and drying and most of the ironing of clothes.

i am the only one who drives and there fore am taxidriver to discos, parties ( which i try to avoid) and taking hubby then myself to work and picking him up from evenn meetings.

i pay for a car clean ( internal) becuase this really is only my mess which i should clean up.

in return they get love, food, roof, no worries ( except for giant spots and who isn't their friend this week) help with school projects family outings and enerally fabulous parents who both work very hard all week.

its a team effort. we are all v. lucky to ahve each other.

however this has taken amany years. hubby 15 years ao was a male chauvanist pig who changed a nappy occasionally, fed nearly never, cleaned non existant and wanted dinner on the talbe at 5.30 prompt or ee by gum there would be trouble at mill!!

now adays i use the phrase " fck off and do it yourself as does he!

Having skim-read this thread it seems that most people are fairly happy with/resigned to their domestic situations. Does anyone else spend as much time quietly resenting DH/DP? I am SAHM and do most stuff round the house. Cleaner comes once a week and blitzes it (thank God), then I hoover and mop kitchen floor one other day a week, do all cooking, make DH packed brekkie and lunch, and cook evening meal (I'm a bit particular about food and don't like ready meals so I don't mind doing it), bath and put kids (2.5 and 4 months) to bed, and do all general household errands and chores (including hanging pictures, washing car, fixing things, etc, which I think HE should do!).

The problem is I really resent the fact that DH seems to think if he does anything AT ALL around the house I should be praising him like a child. He does work hard and I appreciate it and like to give him a chance to have a rest, but sometimes I'd like a rest too and I never get it. Just feel as though he gets to leave the office every night while my "job" is never-ending. I could just about cope with this if it wasn't for the way he makes a point of TELLING me whenever he's done something as basic as unload the dishwasher or tidy up the sitting room - like this is a big favour for me! Anyone else feel this way or an I an ungrateful whiny cow??