Boyfriend is on holiday

[dolphin34]

Hi
My boyfriend of 2 years is on holiday with a few friends in turkey.

In the first few days I got a couple of texts which i instigated

We had a little argument over text because I was feeling insecure about him being away and I said 'if you can't make me feel like I'm important to you then I can't be with you' because it was always me saying hi how u doing etc and he didn't seem to miss me.

He hasn't text me since and it's been 5 days

I sent him a text yesterday saying it wasn't fair of him to just ignore me ...nothing back

I have no plans to text him again.however I see him go inline on his WhatsApp and social media and he is posting photos of his holiday

He has kept me on his social media and WhatsApp ...which usually the first thing he does when he is mad at me is take me off everything...

He has another week left of his holiday and if he doesn't contact me I don't know what to do I don't know whether we are together or not!

Thanks

Hmmm I would leave him to contract you. Go out with some friends and keep busy until he's back and you can talk properly.

What is he like when he is home? Surely that is the most important thing?

Badgering someone for texts when they are on holiday is annoying in my view. Also bringing up heavy stuff as you did, by text, when he is on holiday is even more annoying. He probably just wants to get on with his holiday which is fair enough surely.

Also, are things ok between you generally because a two week holiday without you sounds unusual for people who have a girlfriend.

I think you are over thinking this. You are insecure and this is how it has come out. That insecurity is playing on your mind and that's why you think it's over.

Just tell him you are sorry, tell him you miss him, and you can't wait to see him again, but do not expect anything back. Let him enjoy his holiday.

A little bit of jealousy and possesiveness can be a compliment, but when it tips over it can be something else. If he is a good chap he understand this.

Poor bloke. Let him enjoy his holiday. If my dp wanted to go away with his friends (we're very serious, live together, have a teenage daughter and I still wouldn't mind) I'd appreciate a text to let me know that he'd arrived safely, but then would be happy to let him get on with it.

Does anyone like needy texts when they're on holiday? I know I don't.

What Carol said

@Saggital
Thanks
I am very insecure and he knows this already.
I have just sent him a short text saying sorry and I miss him and I understand why he's not talking to me and that I hope he wants to talk when he is back
I hope this works the problem is he is very insecure as well and I actually know he isn't doing anything wrong at all.
His photos are at the beach with his mates and go carting and eating chicken lol I'm such an idiot.
I really hope he texts me back in the next few days but I won't send him another one because I don't want to be annoying and I do want him to see that and that I want him to enjoy his holiday
I'm going away for the weekend with my kids so I think I'll just go and enjoy that and see if anything does come of the text I sent
The reason I haven't gone with him for 2 weeks is I have two kids and couldn't go for 2 weeks
We have been on holiday to Disney land as a foursome earlier this year for a few days.
Thanks everyone for your advice. It sometimes helps me to see things from other people's perspective xxx

If you text him again, as I suspect you will, just don't ask for anything.

Avoid the "let's talk when you're back" comments. Just give 100%. One or max two texts and just say hoping he's having a fab time etc, that way you are kind of joining in with his holiday rather than snatching part of it away.

Remember: Less is more.

@Saggital
Thanks I guess I should at least leave it for a few days and see if I hear from him then shoot him a hope your having a great time text maybe? I have sent him a fair few texts and being ignored over the past 5 days I think maybe 4 or 5 so I think it might be best to leave it for a while and give him chance to forgive me and hope for the best. He knows I'm going away for a few days so maybe he'll just ask how that's going because I know him and I know he will be curious what I'm up to.
And it's not just me that gets insecure he does too because on sat when he knows the kids were at their dads I got a lot of texts asking what I was doing and who I was with etc ....I was a the movies in my own after visiting my mum lol exciting stuff
I hope it works out because we are two peas in a pod and we usually talk all day everyday and it's usually him than starts texting me and he calls me 2 to 3 times daily as well . I guess I feel like I have lost an arm or something...nobody is bothered what I'm doing or if I'm home safe or anything feel a bit lost.
I hope he responds at some point
Thanks xxx

5 days without a text. I could not cope with that.

I just don't like feeling like that no matter what I have done.

I think he is rude to ignore you even if he is annoyed. Passive aggressive and childish.

Jesus you're needy. Let the poor bloke enjoy his holiday. If I was him I wouldn't be replying to any txt from you, you sound like a parole officer checking in on him all the time. If you have trust issues then do be with anyone until you sort yourself out, don't inflict your problems on others.

Really?

You think a few texts a day and a few minutes phone call is too much?

After all he has had time to upload to Facebook.

It's not his job to make you feel secure, that can only come from you. It's his job not to do things to make you feel insecure but if he's generally decent and doesn't do things to break your trust he's done his bit.

This honestly wouldn't bother me. I don't understand people who need to be in touch all the time. He's on holiday with his mates. Maybe it's because I'm old and when I was doing this kind of thing, phoning home would have meant queuing for a phone box but when dh is away I like a text to say he arrived safe then I don't really expect to hear again until he's on his way home. If something happens that I need him for I'll call.

Same with my DC. If they're away with school or whatever, I hope they're enjoying it themselves too much to be thinking about me, but some parents/kids seem to be in touch constantly

That said it is a bit weird that a boyfriend of two years would go on a mates holiday for two weeks and it's very odd that he's repeatedly removing you from his social media. Either your neediness drives him mad often or this relationship isn't as important to him as it is to you.

"which usually the first thing he does when he is mad at me is take me off everything..."

Really?! I don't see this big man-baby behaviour as being in the slightest bit appealing OP, sorry. If it was me I'd cut my losses and find an actual adult to have a relationship with

When you're on holiday it's easy to forget everything at home. Let him enjoy his holiday and when he does contact you make it fun and worth his while contacting you. If he has to defend himself when he's not done anything wrong then you're ruining his holiday and making him not want to contact you.

I would message him saying that you hope he's having a great time but look forward to seeing him next week. Let him enjoy his holiday without worrying about you.

@ionising I agree 5 days is a long time I would have expected a hi I miss u text or something similar it takes 3 seconds and doesn't affect anyone's holiday it would just let me know I've not been forgotten I'm not asking him to text ten times a day or call me
@Bestseller he's gone with his mates because I cannot go for two weeks as I have 2 children.
I am a needy person he knows this and he is just as much and I think it is your partners place to make you feel secure and I think they should want to I think we can all have different opinions on this I'm always telling him I miss him etc I'd love to hear that from someone it's simple and makes you feel wanted

@Mum4Fergus he is a bit childish sometimes and aren't we all I think it's just a way to get to me when he's mad and I'm not a fan of social media to be honest I think it's a waste of everyone's time but it's nice to share photos with your nearest and dearest

@m0vinf0rward I haven't once checked up on him in a creepy what you doing who you talking to kind of way. Just saying stuff like done anything good day? Having a good time? I sent him one asking how he did at go karting when he put some photos on. Just showing an interest is all

I'd be livid if my boyfriend hadn't text me for 5 days...on holiday or not. I know some people aren't bothered, but you know how often you normally communicate and obviously 5 days is out of the ordinary for you two.

I think you were way too hasty in having a go at him in the first place, and to threaten to not be with him after 2 years because he hasn't text as much as you like/hasn't text you first probably made him angry, as I think it would most people.

That said, I do think that he still owes you the courtesy of a response and to ignore you for nearly a week, particularly when he knows you're prone to insecurity, is completely out of order in my opinion. Even if he just responded to say you'd annoyed him and you can discuss when he's back, that's better than nothing.

You were in the wrong but you've apologised and he's choosing to let you stew....that's not on.

Actually I think being constantly told someone misses you would be horrible. I agree once in a while but if you're "always" doing it it must feel like you want him to feel guilty for being away from you (which you do).

Obviously I don't know any details of your relationship but when I have seen people who need to say I miss you, I need you or I love you all the time it's often used in a controlling way and something in an attempt to negate otherwise horrible behaviour. These are things we all like to hear now and again but constantly is not comfortable.

I don't think you're needy OP. I would expect to hear from my DP should he go on holiday at some point everyday, even just to say night. And I would do the same.

You said he deletes you off his social media and whatsapp whenever he is mad? How old are you both because he sounds very immature? He obviously knows that probably really upsets you. What an unkind thing to do.

What's his good points?

@Bibidy 5 days is extremely out of the ordinary I'm starting to think that I will never hear from him again
And it doesn't help that I know he dumped an ex by just ignoring them but they had only gone out a month or so and weren't very serious.
If he never wanted to speak to me again he could do 2 things cut me off as in block me on everything or say it but he hasn't.

I did tell him he was rude and ignorant in one text and I don't deserve that even if I am wrong . People make mistakes and those that don't are lying. I have said my apology now and I don't think this would be serious enough to break up with me over and surely he would say something?

I don't think you're needy OP. I would expect to hear from my DP should he go on holiday at some point everyday, even just to say night. And I would do the same.

You said he deletes you off his social media and whatsapp whenever he is mad? How old are you both because he sounds very immature? He obviously knows that probably really upsets you. What an unkind thing to do.

Really?! I don't see this big man-baby behaviour as being in the slightest bit appealing OP, sorry. If it was me I'd cut my losses and find an actual adult to have a relationship with

I have to agree with this.