Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend is on holiday

73 replies

dolphin34 · 31/08/2018 09:44

Hi
My boyfriend of 2 years is on holiday with a few friends in turkey.

In the first few days I got a couple of texts which i instigated

We had a little argument over text because I was feeling insecure about him being away and I said 'if you can't make me feel like I'm important to you then I can't be with you' because it was always me saying hi how u doing etc and he didn't seem to miss me.

He hasn't text me since and it's been 5 days

I sent him a text yesterday saying it wasn't fair of him to just ignore me ...nothing back

I have no plans to text him again.however I see him go inline on his WhatsApp and social media and he is posting photos of his holiday

He has kept me on his social media and WhatsApp ...which usually the first thing he does when he is mad at me is take me off everything...

He has another week left of his holiday and if he doesn't contact me I don't know what to do I don't know whether we are together or not!

Thanks Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
dolphin34 · 31/08/2018 12:06

@OoohAyyye
I think I do behave a little needy at times and I don't think it's a terrible trait to have and I can see it can be annoying sometimes but we've known each other long enough and he has accepted that and he is pretty needy too usually. This 5 day thing has never happened before which worries me

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 31/08/2018 12:07

OMG you are beyond needy OP. You'd drive me nuts. You admit you're needy but you seem to think it's quite acceptable. It's really not. Stop stalking the poor guy on social media (you call it "showing an interest" but it's stalking and obsessing) and focus on your own life while he's away. It's not "his job" to make you feel secure. That's on you. Take responsibility rather than putting it on someone else.

HeckyPeck · 31/08/2018 12:14

I would not be with anyone who “punished” my “bad behaviour” by ignoring me or by blocking me.

Partners don’t get to punish each other.

Partners can say that the other has made them feel x/y/z then talk about it, but sulking and punishing is for toddlers.

HeckyPeck · 31/08/2018 12:14

Actually that’s insulting to toddlers. It’s for abusers.

Original poster
dolphin34 · 31/08/2018 12:17

@HundredMilesAnHour I am not stalking lol he's on my social media....people post pictures for people to look at....I saw them .... I sent a little text if that's stalking arrest me!

OP posts:
Thebasicweegie · 31/08/2018 12:18

I would be pretty pissed off of my boyfriend was on holiday and ignored me for 5 days. Pretty childish! I would at least expect a text everyday or so just to say hello!

user1466783975 · 31/08/2018 12:20

yes you are needy op,but past experiences have made you and countless others like this. There is nothing wrong with you,he should be making you feel secure. I would feel just the same in your shoes (and i'm 47).

sosickofthisshit · 31/08/2018 12:26

Jesus, you both sound like really hard work, and totally not right for each other

Bibidy · 31/08/2018 12:34

I'm quite surprised by the amount of people on here who thinks it's totally normal not to communicate with a partner throughout a 2 week holiday? Particularly a serious partner of 2 years. I would definitely expect at least one text every day as a bare minimum. More likely, I'd be expecting a few photos, messages to let me know what they'd been up to or what they have planned for the day...not constant updates throughout each day as he's busy, but definitely more communication that OP has received!

OP, I wouldn't make any rash decisions yet (ie, don't convince yourself you'll never hear from him again) but I would definitely have a think about whether it's OK for someone to treat you this way.

Santaclarita · 31/08/2018 12:44

He is being quite rude and not contacting you at all for 5 days is wrong. I'd be wondering by now what he is up to if he can't be bothered texting me.

brokenharbour · 31/08/2018 13:37

I don't think it's a partner's job to make you feel secure. It must be exhausting to have to think about that all the time. Not text in five days isn't acceptable usually but bearing in mind the op called him rude and ignorant the relationship isn't in a good place. He's obviously decided he can't be bothered with the drama while he's on holiday. The relationship sounds volatile anyway with all the past social media blocking which isn't good when children are involved. To be honest it doesn't sound like a mature relationship.

Timeforanothernewone · 31/08/2018 13:38

What was your expectation before he left for his holiday?

Dh is away two weekends a month and I have said that I expect a text in the morning and in the evening. Anything extra, as far as I'm concerned, is a bonus.

Dh isn't a texter and when away, generally doesn't communicate. I've found that if I state what I need then I won't be disappointed

HereIgoagainxx · 31/08/2018 13:51

No contact in 5 days is wrong. He knows you are anxious, it's a part of you who are and he has clearly had to take that on board till now. A text at the end of an evening takes seconds

MyOtherProfile · 31/08/2018 14:10

I feel for you. How old is he? I can understand him going on a lads holiday but you've been together two years and he can't be bothered to contact you.

To be honest after two years I would hope he would actually rather holiday with me. Kids can go on holiday too.

Thatsfuckingshit · 31/08/2018 14:15

Tbh if someone told text me and told me that they couldn't be with me, because I am not giving them enough attention when I am on holiday, I wouldn't text them either.

I would leave it til I got back.

If you feel he doesn't contact you enough, in general, bringing it up while he is away was a bad move.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 31/08/2018 14:19

I think this relationship sounds unhealthy.

MistressDeeCee · 31/08/2018 14:28

Needy texts and heavy conversations whilst away on holiday? I'd stop replying too. You're trying to suck the joy out of his holiday and make it all about you you you, and how you feel.

It's not evem so much the amount of texts you are sending, you're free to text as much as you like after all - it's the stuff you're saying.

"I'm insecure" is not a catch all excuse for being so resentful that your partner has a holiday apart from you, that you want to divert him away from it.

Don't you have any hobbies? Friends to see? Work? 2 weeks flies by.

But if this man doesn't make you feel good, and if you don't trust him - then you can leave him. Relationships aren't set in stone. If he's not compatible with you and you think ,"I'm insecure" or wanting big talks will somehow change him into a man that's by your side 24/7 and features you at the forefront of his life then good luck with that.

Far better to find and be with your type, surely. Easier life.

Theresnodisneyending · 31/08/2018 16:16

He's just not that into you.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 31/08/2018 16:21

I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you feel OP and I don't think you're needy. I can't imagine my partner not getting in touch for that long, especially after 2 years together. That's not a proper relationship. I get that he's enjoying himself and let him get on with it, but why does he not care how you are or what you're up to?
Ultimately, you don't matter to him as much as he matters to you.

Notquiteagandt · 31/08/2018 23:11

You seem insecure and needy. He is playing on this. Making you chase after him and beg for attention. By you being one bombarding him saying over and over you miss him you are massaging his ego.

Sounds very childish and more like teenagers dating than a serious relationship using social media as a bartering tool. Deleting/not deleting etc

I think you are going to be the one who gets hurt if you dont work on your insecurities Flowers

magoria · 31/08/2018 23:21

I agree with Thatsfuckingshit.

If someone started a text argument with me and then sent me a message saying 'if you can't make me feel like I'm important to you then I can't be with you' in the first few days of me being away I would assume I was dumped and get on with my holiday.

If they then carried on sending me messages saying I was 'rude and ignorant' they would be blocked.

dragonflyflew · 01/09/2018 00:20

Don't waste any more time. He's on holiday, you're insecure. He's not helping you to feel more secure, you both need to find partners who can give you what you need.
I've been on holiday while an insecure boyfriend kept on at me, it was a lot of pressure.

crimsonlake · 01/09/2018 01:53

If he cannot even be bothered to text you after 5 days I think you have answered your own question. Stop being a doormat.

WittyFuck · 01/09/2018 03:54

I do not understand why you keep saying how 'needy' you are and how 'needy' he is too, like it is some kind of gift! Everyone is needy sometimes. Everyone is insecure sometimes. Being needy isn't a diagnosis of anything except being human.

Everyone has to have a label on MN these- 'being needy' 'suffering from anxiety' 'having MH issues'- it's almost as though everyone is expected to think that these labels excuse people's behaviour.

mrbob · 01/09/2018 04:28

I imagine you are needy because he aims to keep you insecure and always trying to get back in his good books and questioning. Your response is to be “needy” You are not a needy person. You are responding to his behaviour. If he was not being a dick you would not behave this way I suspect. I have been in a relationship like this and I was an awful person needy wise. My next boyfriend made me feel cherished and loved and if he went away for the weekend with his friends I would not be waiting for his contact because I knew he would text and that he was thinking of me. Hence my behaviour was different and I was the best girlfriend in the world! No drama

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.