Boyfriend is on holiday

[dolphin34]

Hi
My boyfriend of 2 years is on holiday with a few friends in turkey.

In the first few days I got a couple of texts which i instigated

We had a little argument over text because I was feeling insecure about him being away and I said 'if you can't make me feel like I'm important to you then I can't be with you' because it was always me saying hi how u doing etc and he didn't seem to miss me.

He hasn't text me since and it's been 5 days

I sent him a text yesterday saying it wasn't fair of him to just ignore me ...nothing back

I have no plans to text him again.however I see him go inline on his WhatsApp and social media and he is posting photos of his holiday

He has kept me on his social media and WhatsApp ...which usually the first thing he does when he is mad at me is take me off everything...

He has another week left of his holiday and if he doesn't contact me I don't know what to do I don't know whether we are together or not!

Thanks

And people who say you are needy for wanting a text in 5 days are weird. This is him exacting control, not him being carefree and chilled

In normal circumstances I'd say not texting in 5 days is off. But if I'd received this:

if you can't make me feel like I'm important to you then I can't be with you

While I was on holiday I wouldn't be in a rush to respond either.

You sounds very needy. My other half of seven years is away for two weeks in Asia with friends. We will text a bit but not everyday as he's away having fun.

Don't spoil his trip and enjoy the time to yourself!

And people who say you are needy for wanting a text in 5 days are weird.

That's not needy. But what happened leading up to that, was needy. And the if some tried that with me while I was away, I wouldn't play the game either.

You don't get to threaten to split up with someone, while they are on holiday and the complain that they aren't engaging.

He’s playing the game op, he knows that by ignoring you he’ll have you begging. If you really love someone, you don’t ignore them for 5 days surely, that is not a healthy relationship.

The whole shebang sounds unhealthy. He blocks you from social media etc if he's mad at you?
You're both insecure and needy?
You instigated the texts when he went away, and then started issuing vague threats about not being able to be with someone who didn't respond properly and put you first?

Maybe it's time for a spell alone and grow up.

He's treating you like absolute shit!

My DH works away a lot and we text loads and call or Skype at least once a day.

Tbh I wouldn't even be particular enamoured of a boyfriend going on a two week holiday without me.

Between this and the punishment blockings I would say dump and find someone less laddy and more into being couply. You'll be a lot happier.

How are you OP?

Do not text him again. Text is the worst medium to have a conversation as all nuances of human communication are absent.
Wait til he gets gome and actually speak to him.

Until you mentioned 2 kids I was imagining you both as teenagers! You could both do with growing up a bit and stop being so childish and jealous and needy!

I went to New Zealand for 2 weeks and rang my then boyfriend (Now husband) once in all that time. Which he was fine with. It can be normal for some couples not to constantly text each other during an absence. In your shoes OP, I would leave the texting. It's not getting you anywhere. Concentrate on your own stuff and see what happens when he gets back. It's only a few days.

I couldn't be with anybody who demanded so much attention and who threw their toys out of the pram if I didn't behave as instructed. I also thought you must be very young until you mentioned your two children. How do you think us oldies managed to maintain our relationships in the days before mobile phones and computers? Usually by postcard that arrived after they were back from their trip, or if you were lucky they would find a payphone, find the right change and manage to work out the dialling code. We survived and even now me and DH don't get in touch much when we're apart, and we love each other to bits.

OP get some self respect and dump him.

You should feel secure and loved in a relationship, not have all this drama, FGS.

Just tell him you're done and mean it.

if you can't make me feel like I'm important to you then I can't be with you

I would have taken this as being dumped if I was him.

Perhaps the split between the "let him get on with his holiday" and "he should be texting you several times a day" responses is partly a generational thing? I grew up in pre-mobile pre-texting times and this need some people on here seem to have for constant, instant communication (not just OP, there are threads about partners not responding to texts fast enough or texting often enough all the time) does come across as needy and suffocating to me.

I think in general you should ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who makes you question whether you should text them or not in case of how they might react. You have kids, you probably don’t really have time for playing games.

Ginandplatonic, I think you have hit the nail on the head. Some of us did our holidays with friends back before mobiles were ubiquitous. Some people will never know how to use a phone card. It was better then frankly.

I don't think it's generational. I'm nearly 50 and my dh and I text each other all the time. When he is away for work we text every morning and night just because we are thinking of each other. Then again odd times in the day if we think of things to tell each other. That's our norm because we are used to communicating lots with each other. In the OPs shoes I would feel he just wasn't interested in me. And in the OPs partner's shoes I would want to message because I was thinking about her or I would realise I wasn't thinking about her and decide the relationship had run its course.

I don’t think you’re needy op. To not message you for five days is rude . I think you should get rid . I think he has contributed to you feeling insecure over the two years quite significantly so that you feel you can’t do any better then him. I wouldn’t dream of ignoring someone I loved for five days whilst on holiday . Sending you hugs xxx

Tough one

I wouldn’t be impressed with no contact for 5 days. If he has time to check his Facebook he has time to contact his girlfriend.

If DP ever goes away I always let him contact me first. The last thing I want to be doing is pestering him when he’s busy. He contacts me every day.

However, you are insecure and it’s not his job to fix that because he can’t. No matter what he says or does, your insecurity is your own problem to fix. If I was away and had someone constantly message me picking arguments I’d probably ignore them as well. Are you usually like that? Not asking to be cruel, but if so perhaps this is the straw that’s broken the camels back and he’s had enough?

What stuck out to me is that he deletes you from social media whenever you row. How old are you both? That’s incredibly immature. But why are you rowing so much??
The whole thing just seems immature. Sorry. Deleting you off Facebook, rowing all the time, you sound incredibly insecure and by your own admission you’re very needy, perhaps he’s had enough of that which is why he isn’t contacting you. He sounds like an arse aswell.

I’d leave things. Wait until he’s home. But it doesn’t sound a very mature, healthy relationship anyway

You said to him "if you can't make me feel like I'm important to you then I can't be with you".

If I received that message, I would assume I had been dumped. I don't think you have a relationship anymore. It would explain why he hasn't sent you a message.

If you didn't want to dump him, that was a bloody stupid thing to send when he's on holiday with his mates. Your attempt at manipulation has backfired.

You've done this to yourself I'm afraid. He may not want to talk to you again.

How are you OP?

❤️