Emails for sex

[Mumof2two]

New to this.

I recently found a made up email account my fiance created. In the account there are emails to 10 or so different women dating back to 2 years ago. They aren't women he knows, just people he has made contact with through online sites. Basically the emails are asking for no strings, casual sex due to being in a relationship.

Judging from the emails, most have been unanswered or went any further than messages. He has also said outright that it never went further.

I have been with him nearly a decade and had no susicpions at all so im in shock.

Unsure what to do.

@mumof2two maybe take some time away a week or two just to get your head clear and make a decision then. It’s all very fresh right now and having him living with you could alter your feelings. It may be best to make the decision after sometime apart.

I have found out my now ex fiancé was doing the same. He promised me he had never met anyone it was just because he was bored in work. He was messaging women and men. He swore he wasn't into men they were just easier to wind up. I forgave him we worked through it. It was hard and it took months for our relationship to recover. Last week he told me he was going to golf as he does every Thursday with his brother. Imagine my surprise when his brothers wife posted on Facebook how much they were loving their impromptu couple of days away. I then found out he was on a date with some woman off a dating site. He'd been on local ones for months.

I couldn’t leave without concrete evidence but it cost me 8 years of my life

Is DaddyKnight your husband, OP?

If it was craigslist it would be usual to start contact by email and then move to text or an app like kik to arrange a meet up.

@BIWI who knows given all the secret accounts he has

BTW - I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be really hard for you. But he can't get away with not talking to you about it because it makes him feel bad!

@BIWI thank you... ive just been trying to stay as positive about the whole thing as i can..

The more you post the more likely (sadly it sounds inevitable at this point) that he’s cheated.

I’m sorry OP.

It's a no brainer for me. I wouldn't have the desire or attraction to a man who asked other women for NSA sex.

I have been in this exact position OP apart from kids and engagement.

I was with him 10 years in all. 4 years when he did to me what you have just experienced.

He had several dating profiles, emailed loads of random women hoping for casual hook ups. I always look back and think this is where we should have called it a day. I don't know why I was lenient with him...

Throughout the remaining years, I found him doing it again despite promising he wouldn't and I found out about him kissing another woman (for me kissing someone else is still cheating).

He had no respect for me whatsoever.

Personally, if I went through this again now I have kids, I would think long and hard but I would find it very hard to move past.
If I was single again, I would not be tolerating it at all.

@RightyHoChaps thank you.. so good hearing other peoples experiences -so shit this happened to you though.

He actually said to me another woman kissed him a years and years back and he pulled away.

I consider it all cheating. I was just so bloody happy before finding this out really gutted and its messing with me completely.

I looked on my junk email the other day and I have loads of them!! I honestly wouldn't think anything of them. There just spam messages ! I'm a female and the emails always think I'm a man haha

Oh he sent them to other women? Then I wouldn't trust him, sorry I must of got the wrong end of the stick when I read your post lol.

Ahh I’m with you , in a similar situation myself , no advice but you aren’t alone

[quote Mumof2two]@cakecakecheese he never thought he would get caught I suppose so if i was never to find out then he wasnt going to lose me? Thats what im assuming anyway. Just keeps saying he wouldnt have actually went through with anything.

Yeah im wondering why it suddenly stopped. First emails where in dec 16 they go on for a few short weeks then stopped until dec 17 when hes emailing different ones but them obviously it stops again. So I think thats the part im really stuck at.. why start something leave it a year try again and then leave it... it looks like the email was completely untouched before the dec 17 ones as he has an email to recover his password.. which is actually how i found out about it.. never thought anything of it so never checked until when I did because i just remembered and then I was curious. Got the email and used his standard password to log in and that was that.[/quote]
I wonder if it's because he linked up with someone from Dec 16 and that went on for a while till he had to look again the following Dec.

The thing about the secret phone at work is very odd - mentionitis!?
Telling you you can't talk about it is not acceptable.

You need to look at what apps he's downloaded rather than what he has on his phone. On Apple App Store & Google Play. He can go to there & use rather than keep them on his phone but my guess is there's another phone and there's a lot more to this than the smoking gun you've discovered. Read the thread about another phone to see how to check your router etc.

If he created an email account and is only getting sex info/offers then it's because he signed up to an online dating/affair site. I could not move past that I'm afraid, because it's obvious he was looking to cheat, and would if he had the opportunity. There is no way moving past that, imo. I'd end the engagement and walk away. No one creates a made up email account and innocently gets hook up offers to that account. No one. He was actively cheating or actively looking to cheat. He will not change. Dump now before you get legally attached.

@NadiaLeon

Without more proof or REAL infidelity, you owe it to your children not o break up with him. Don't make them children from a broken home on a hunch. Get evidence first.

No, that is harmful advice. She owes it to her children for them not to grow up in a relationship where they 'stayed together for the sake of the children', that almost never works out. She also owes it to her children to be a good role model, and that means having clear boundaries and not staying with a man who is a cheater or at the very least was looking to cheat. No good can ever come from modelling such disrespect to children, or telling them it's ok for a woman to be treated like that. And to risk her own health due to goodness knows what disease he may catch.

She owes it to her children to get out now, as the emails are indeed PROOF of REAL infidelity.

ZOMBIE

Ah damn it! I hadn't seen that it is an old thread.