If you met the one after 34, where did you meet? Particularly interested in online dating as I have had no luck...

[lizzedays]

I've been on various dates with people online, but i never develop much interest initially and i'm often put off if they are keen to meet again - which i know is stupid and probably a reason why i am single!

im also quite cautious of men in general after my previous relationship which just seemed to go from intense love to moodiness and what i believed to be insensitive comments. currently messaging a nice guy who i have met twice but he's very keen to message a lot and it's almost putting me off!!

Hi Lizzedays, no good stories here I’m afraid but I could have written your post. I must have been on 30 dates from online dating already this year but I never fancy them. They’re usually keen for a second date but I never am. The keener they are, the more I feel physically repulsed by them. I wish I could meet someone offline, as it seems more likely to give me the “spark” I’m looking for, but not much luck there either. No advice, I’m afraid, but I commiserate and look forward to hearing what others have to say.

i feel exactly the same...i almost go off them the more keen they are! which sort of makes me wonder if it is me that has the problem as i should be open to what develops if i actually want to meet someone. or maybe i just havent met someone i really click with. im not sure! it is so frustrating though. what sites have you used?!

I met dh in a pub!! Couldn't do OLD as need to see /feel any chemistry irl!!
I was 42 and he was 31!!

My sister met her DH on Twitter as they are both fans of a certain TV show. They just got chatting and it went from there to meeting for a coffee offline. Married within the year.

I’m currently on OKCupid, Hinge and POF. Have tried others before but prefer the free ones, as the paid-for ones don’t seem to be any better!
Interestingly, a close friend of mine thinks I’m a very well-hidden commitment-phobe. What I say I want and the way I actually behave don’t match up. My last relationship was also very difficult (and ended in abuse) so I wonder whether that has something to do with it?

Not personally- I met DH at a 30th birthday so not that far off 34.. but

• my brother met his wife on tinder
• my colleague met her husband oon match.com
• 2 friends have met their husbands on plenty of fish

However I know loads of people who have had no luck online.

But if you're saying you get turned off when they message too much maybe you're not ready to meet someone?

In terms of being open to something developing - that’s true (and what my mum says!) but it makes me cringe when they try to get closer to me at the end of a “good” first date and I’m just not feeling it. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

I seem to know a lot of older people (mostly late 40s early 50s) who've found new partners in the last couple of years.

Without exception they've done it by getting on with enjoying life rather than looking for a partner. They've developed interests and joined groups that they genuinely enjoy in their own right and then have met people with a shared passion.

We met at work. I was 35, he was 40. He came to my work for a meeting and it went from there.

i have started thinking that too @strippedofdepost. my last relationship wasnt very nice and ended in him saying he wanted to see me but without any obligation.... charming.

Charming indeed! My last boyfriend was heartbroken when I ended it - genuinely a horrible thing to watch. But that didn’t change the problems we had, which he did nothing to fix.

I met DH in an online forum not dissimilar to MumsNet, we had a shared interest, got chatting, met, and the rest is history.

OLD for me although never told anyone I was doing it or if someone asks us now how we met I lie!

Didn't fancy him straight away, really easy to talk to etc......I think it was the 3rd date I started to think fuck what if I really like you?!
Engaged now, never felt anything like this with anyone! I'm almost 40 and met him when I THOUGHT ALL GUYS WERE ASSHOLES!
We now have a lovely life and a 2 year old . Never saw it coming at all! Don't give up op! X

would you recommend giving it more than one or two dates then? i have had nice times but not developed actual attraction...maybe because im not meeting more than once?!

Met DP on Tinder when I was 32 and he was 38, best thing I ever did! He had no issues or baggage just hadn't met anyone

As a follow-up to the OP’s question, I’m actually a very sensual person (in the right circumstances) but the thought of a guy I don’t fancy making a move on me on the second or third date - which isn’t unreasonable - makes me feel sick. Can I ask how you navigate that particular issue?

i'd also like help with that question @strippedofdeposit! how old are you if you want to say?! im 33

Unless your repulsed by him give them more than one date I say

Guardian Soulmates. We've just cooked lobster on holiday for dinner and DD is fast asleep.

I should caveat this by saying that we're both women. I hear it's harder in hetero-land.

We were both mature students , and met on the interview day for the uni /course we both were accepted on ..

That was 25yrs ago..

We both were single parents with young children when we met and we are grandparents now ...

I’m 28. Was with my last partner from 22 to 27.

I didn't have much luck with OLD. I'm 42. I found all the guys under 35 just wanted sx with an older woman (??!!). Most guys my age and older wanted a much younger woman. Guys around my age that weren't bothered about age were desperate.
I struggled to get any dates out of it as the ones that messaged me just started the sx talk straight away.
I did meet someone eventually and we had a 7 month relationship which as recently ended. I have other friends who have had success on OLD too so I guess its down to luck and perseverance.

I was 41, him 39. We met in Tinder. I had tried pof and had no luck.

I was fed up of the whole thing, had kissed an awful lot of frogs and I decided on the Sunday that I was through with men/dating and was going to focus on me.

I had already been talking (messaging) him and my mum convinced me to give him a try on the grounds if "he has a nice smile"!!!

We met, I liked him but wasn't sure. We met again and then I was away for a weekend with my friend. I spent the whole weekend thinking about him and realised I really did like him.
I had a lot going on in my life at the time and went straight to his after my weekend break, Sat him down and told him everything. He offered support and time and all the right things.

Almost 4 years on and we're married. We've been through more drama than most couples contend with in a lifetime, including 4 rounds of ivf and my step child being unceremoniously thrown out by the ex and coming to live with us in a terrible state.

Step child is now very settled and happy.

Our miracle baby is lying next to me right now in her cot and life is good!!

Tinder can work!!!!

@cherubpie we have an IVF tinder baby too from my 5th cycle