Should I wait for him

[SwordToFlamethrower]

To ask to marry me?
We've discussed it loads and we are both up for it. Been together 4 years and TTC. Don't own, we rent.
Should I just keep waiting or should I ask him?

Well, you know him better than anyone else on here. Why don't you just say "I've been thinking about the wedding and we need to discuss dates so that it's planned well in advance and everyone can come. I was thinking maybe next June/July. What do you think?"

This gets round the need to wait for a proposal. You've been talking about it anyway so you know he's up for it. (Isn't he?)

Leave a Diamonds of Preston catalogue on the back of the lav?

You should ask him. If you are serious enough to be TTC, surely you can have a serious conversation about marriage.

It's something you should probably decide about before you get pregnant. Are you intending to reduce hours/take a career break/be a sahm?

There's no reason why you can't ask him.

Don’t get pregnant before you are married! Seen too many horrible stories on here.

You’re already engaged if you’ve discussed marriage and both want to do it. Waiting for him to propose when you’ve both already agreed to get married would require a time machine to make sense. You are planning to marry one another and are already trying to conceive — just get on with getting married.

What single said.

You’re trying to make a baby together. You HAVE to be able to talk about these things. You should be able to talk about anything and everything.

YABU to wait for a proposal. As you’ve talked about it you don’t need a proposal and might not be going to get one if he thinks you’ve effectively agreed to do it.

I really don’t understand how poeople feel ready to have a child, but not to decide to marry each other.
Child is a life long commitment - and that decision is really a lot more serious than signing a paper at the registar’s office.
And child in this country needs financial security - which only marriage provides.....

OP - please don’t turn into one of these threads on here, like ‘pregnant and DP threw me out, help’...

So - no - you shouldn’t wait. Ask him; and if he doesn’t want to - stop trying to have a baby untill he is actually ready...

Marriage first, baby afterwards.

Don’t get pregnant without being married, you disempower yourself and make yourself extremely vulnerable. So definitely have a serious conversation.

He talked about marriage and kids about 3 months into our relationship. We started TTC last year and the getting married bit has gone onto the back burner.
I don't know how to talk about it with him any more. I once joked about eloping because of difficulties with family but he's said nothing. I know he loves me. He calls me "the one" and "my twin flame" quite a lot.
I've hinted I am not bothered by expensive rings or ceremonies.
I'm getting impatient!

Unless you are independently wealthy get married before you have a baby.

He once asked me if I'd be willing to take his surname if we got married and I said "you'll have to ask me to find out" with a cheeky smile... can't be any clearer than that can I? Lmao

Please think about how vulnerable you'll make yourself if you will be relying on him financially with a baby, unmarried.

I am a sahm to my children from a previous relationship. (I wasn't married to my ex) DP runs a small business which I help out with.

You can... You can pretend you haven’t been waiting for a proposal and just crack on having a grown up discussion about setting a date.

Being engaged isn’t a thing, it gives you no security or concrete commitment. Being married is a thing and it’s a thing you want and a thing you’ve both said you’ll do.

So talk about it. Good suggestions given above.

X post. Oh blimey.

What does X post mean?

OP - you can be very very clear.
No more children until we get married.

Why would you do this to your existing children and the potential new child?
Or do you think he isn’t like that and all of the horrible stories happen to other people????

Honestly, Sword, you’re a grown-up. Hinting about changing your name with a ‘cheeky smile’ is juvenile and coy. You’re trying to make a baby with this man! You trust him enough to have him share a home with your extant children! Why not crack on with wedding arrangements when you’ve already agreed you are committed and want to marry?

I would say to him "when shall we get married?" and then set a date

I know, it seems a bit silly doesn't it?
I get the impression he wants to do a romantic proposal or something.

Another one of these threads! Tell him that you want to get married, tell when you want to get married, tell him it's very simple, its a yes or a no. No hints, no cheeky smiles, it's 2018 ffs. Why are you waiting for someone else to decide YOUR future?

I get the impression you want a romantic proposal or something. Him, not so much.