I just don't love you anymore??

[Rachyb87]

Hi everyone. I'm soo new to this but kind of want to share my story...I'm struggling.

So 2 weeks ago out of the blue,my partner of 13 years told me he no longer loves me anymore and basicly over. Absolutely shocked and distraught I begged to work things out,suggested counselling or a break. He accepted the break bit 1 week later said it was over for him and that's that. We have 2 girls together,11 &4,a beautiful home (only rented),he works and pays majority of things and I'm a student.

I just can't accept that he doesn't love me anymore,I don't understand it....there has to be a reason why. He said it's nothing I have done,I'm amazing,he will always love me bla bla bla just not in that way anymore. Everything is a blur at the minute. One min I am getting my head around it and the next it just doesnt seem real and i make up.scenarios in my head of him coming back declaring he's made a mistake when in fact he hasn't said anything that has made me doubt his decision. The pain I feel is unbearable. People keep telling me il get through this and times a healer but I just don't see how when I love him soo much. I feel like my whole world has been tipped up side down. Any advice from a ln impartial party would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry to hear this OP. It seems to be happening quite a lot on here at the moment. And, again I'm sorry to say, but usually there's an OW involved. Men don't usually just go unless there's another woman to go to! Your priority now will be to get your finances in order - how much help will be give you?

Sorry to hear this...he might have another women to do this out if the blue.

Hard as it might be, don't beg, plead or talk about 'us'.

All conversations should be related to the children.

Speak to him regarding visitation and child support.

He's obviously had a while to think about leaving you.

Well this was my first thought...another woman but he swears down that's not the case. I honestly believe he hasn't cheated physically but do I think he's had his head turned and got feelings for some One else...Absolutely. I just wish hed come out with it.

At the minute he's just poping in after work to see the kids...I know that's no good for me,it kills watching him go. I just can't believe this is happening. I'm sick of going over it in my head.

At the minute I'm in the house and he's paying everything until I claim as a single parent etc but then once that's all sorted he will give me money each month.

I'm struggling to stay positive,one min I'm Ok ish the next I break down. I do hope he comes back but I can't keep thinking like that it's going to drive me crazy isn't it?

I hate it when people always jump to the OW theory instantly but I probably think that there is in this case . Does he have any history of depression or anxiety that would make him act like this ?

PS Look I know someone who spilt up with her H over 2 years ago ( he had been cheating for over 2 years) and she still wants the wanker back so don't expect miracles in how you feel . You are entitled to feel shit and you will . I'm very sorry this has happened to you . I can't advise on the practicalities but there are plenty who can. Good luck !

That's very sad. From my experience I can tell you that things will get better for you in the future and it's totally normal to feel the way you do. I think the best thing to do is to accept that he is leaving and to try to build your life. The quickest you accept it the quickest you will take steps to build your life and feel better.

It is a shock for you. He started checking out a long time ago. And there may or may not be another women. That isn't for us to guess. But you know from reading mn it is usually the case.

He is not the person you know and love. And he has rewritten history and will find fault with his life with you to give him a reason to do such a shitty thing.

Life goes on although you feel rooted to the spot. I remember ex telling me we would all be fine. And I told him of course we will there isn't another option is there.

I know how you are feeling. I wanted to beg and plead. We weren't in a good place but I want to work on us and put it right. My ex had ow lined up And moved in with her 12 weeks later.

Time to get tough. As hard as it is. Show him no emotion. Contact is not at the house. He comes and takes the children at agreed times. Children need routine.

Go to cms site and work out money. Claim benefits. Single person discount on your council tax. Get all bills in your name. And stop any direct debits that are his. Phone bills car insurance. Etc. He wants to be single he gets no benefit in you organising his life

Gather people around you. They will want to help. He is no longer your friend. Keep contact about kids and money only. Anything else is no longer his concern. Show him you can strong and independent. Even if you don't feel it.

Copy wage slips. Pension stuff etc. Anything you think might be important.

Bag up his stuff. Start moving things around to change Home a little bit. But new sheets for your bed.

He may see what the future looks like and change his mind. He may not. Whatever happens you deserve better. I wanted someone in my life who would stand by me and the children even in the most difficult times. And that wasn't my ex.

I'm 8 months down the line. I still cry some days. I miss the life I had and the future I thought I had. But it is less raw.

Just take each day as it comes. Do what you can to get by. Eat and seek professional support if you feel you need to. There is no shame in it. You are dealing with a bereavement.

How you feel today is not permanent. This will pass. But right now you need to recover.

First of all thanks all for replying it helps to know people are interested and are willing to offer advice.

I'm going to tell him today that something needs putting in place to see the kids on certain days etc. I am going to get everything sorted with the new claims,bills etc as soon as kids go back to school when I have time to ring around and gather all the information I need.

He rung me yesterday and basicly said oh there's no way you can keep that house on your self it's too expensive,it's a lovley house and yes very costly. But ibwill do everything in my power to keep it on,obviously I will be realistic about it all but I also want to prove him wrong.

A am extremely close to his family,his parents are like my parents (I barley see or speak to my mum,she's a shocking mum) so theyv told me in always be apart of that family no matter what,they have the kids at least 1 a month for the weekend and go above nd beyond to meet their needs. I really don't want to loose them aswel.

Me and my ex said that we would remain friends for the sake of our kids,we are both reasonable people. I think it's good to be like that isn't esp for the kids sake.

There's just so much to take in and think about at the minute it's quite over whelming. I feel raw and exposed. I'm going to try and put up a front when I come into contact with him.

If I'm honest although I know this is what he wants I have the feeling he doesn't quite understand what he has actually done and I hope it hits him like a tone of bricks when it does. He had it so good with me. I just hope he realizes before its too late.

If it comes out there is another woman involved all his family would be so disappointed in him and my opinion of him would definetly change. Time will tell I guess. Any tips on trying to move forward and staying positive?

Yes, don't blame yourself. This is on him. Agree with the OW, thing. If she suddenly appears and you get cross, I think he won't be so friendly. Just be prepared and yes this happened to me too. Completely out of the blue, 20 years obliterated in an afternoon. Google Runaway Husbands. 😕

Well stuff has come to light. We finished 3 week's ago nearly and lastnight he told me he has been seeing a girl from his hometown for 3weeks and theyv slept together....I feel physically sick. They both have feelings for each other and are happy... 3 weeks my ass, it's been going on alot longer and I wish he would stop sugar coating it. Are all men actually the same or what? I felt awful before but now I don't even know how I feel. Absolute scum of the earth

I have no helpful advice except to say that time does heal and I really feel for you.

If you've had your heart broken before (I think most of us have) try and remember that you moved passed it and became stronger, and you can do it again. Focus on your kids, you're so blessed to have them.

In my experience those who leave suddenly always had someone waiting in the wings.
I'd guarantee that this has been going on for longer too (Google ' The cheaters script' )
On the bright side (although this may not seem like it at the moment) this is the thing you were dreading. Now its happened you will start to get better even if its an inch at a time.
I would definitely sort out child arrangements asap to keep contact between you and him to a minimum.
Don't torture yourself about his 'exciting' new life. They are in the honeymoon phase. The relationship may peter out and he'll be left with nothing. This is common. However if it does work out, you may find that your life is far better anyway. So much so that if he did want to get back with you you'd give him a 'hell no'.
You will get better. It won't be quick but you will.
On a practical level my advice to bring immediate comfort is the bedroom trick. If your budget allows change as much as you can in the bedroom to make it YOUR space. A new duvet set, curtains can work wonders for your spirit
Also read Chump lady. You'll feel better and make sense of the world that you find yourself in.

Of course there was someone else. No one just ups and leaves like that. So it's time to get serious while he's off pretending to be single and carefree with his new lover while you're reeling at home alone with the kids.

If your married then finances are not for him to put forward, the solicitor will sort that. DONT let him suggest otherwise. You are the main carer your entitled to more than half. Ge will already know this and is subtly hinting re the house thinking you are naive.
You can also sort proper access in that HE has the kids at his for some time and overnight - he is not getting away with his parenting. He can see what it's like to have them full on and you damn well need some alone time yourself, and definitely will in future.
Although this is killing you inside please don't show it. Talk and cry to your support but not to him. The best 'revenge' is showing you are strong and getting on with life. Make sure his parents k ow what happened from YOUR side. He will have sugar coated it I'm sure.
You will get through this 💐

There isn't always another woman, please don't buy into this. An ex left me because he had a personality disorder (that he kept well hidden from me but suffered with personally I later realised on a great scale). It made him very insecure in relationships and long to be single and without the stress .He is not with anyone else.

People fall out of love. Not everyone is content to continue on as if nothing has changed. I wouldn't stay with a partner I no longer loved. And I wouldn't need a back up either in the event of splitting.

How old were you when you got together. I changed a great deal between my late 29s and 40s

@HereIgoagainxx
Maybe in your case, but the OP has said he has admitted there is someone else.

....ahh, and here she is 🙄. 3 weeks? Hmmmm🙄. OP, ducks in a row, time to protect yourself financially.

So sorry OP, what an awful shock for you. I too thought there would be another women involved, I have supported a few friends in very similar situations.

Your DH sounds a complete arse to leave you and your children high and dry, I am sure you will realise in time that he has done you a favour, he may seem happy with his new life at the moment, but it’s unlikely to last, once a cheat always a cheat and that is no good to form a long term relationship.

Take small steps, you will recover but it will take time. Don’t let him have power over you, force you into decisions you are not in the right frame of mind to make. Take time to think about what’s best for you and the children.

Sending you a big 🤗

Late 20s*

There isn't always another woman Except when there is - op updated.

Sorry you're going through this, op.

Sorry you are in this position OP.i am v similar nearly 2.5 months down the line ( altho DC are 17 and 20). 1 million % would have said H would never cheat (together 23 years) but he did and swore no OW. He is protecting their relationship so that he can wheel her out as "new" , nothing to do with break up so family/friends will be more accepting. And he can continue to put the blame at my door and assuage his guilt.

It's horrendous but it does get better. I feel.much stronger now ( although still have bad days) and I no longer look back with rose tints. Instead of having flashbacks to happy times, I am remembering bad times in the marriage, like H bullying DS, putting me down and generally not the demi god I built up in my mind.

Please keep posting as you will get so much insight and amazing advice and potentially save yourself from even more heartache. You can do this x

Sorry to hear update. It riles me when it is assumed there always is another partner hidden in the wings. It can cause further pain when not necessary. Rant over.

Take care OP. Stay here and get the support you need. X

Why aren't some people reading the thread properly?
He's already admitted their is another ow.
Hugs op.
But the grass is never greener.
The honey moon period ends.
Focus on the kids.
Set proper fixed visitation.
Hold your head High.

Hereigoagain, Tbh I think being fallen out of love with for no apparent reason sounds worse than another woman. At least then it's external, and explained.

I think it depends on the person. Both can be incredibly painful. I think an OW would probably hurt me more. It could trigger an I'm not good enough mentality.

I've found friendships drift sometimes because people change. Usually though I think you see that coming, it is a gradual thing.

Either way, someone you love exiting your life is incredibly painful. When I look back at some of the saddest points in my life, breakups were at the heart of them. On the plus side, I always recovered, somewhat bruised and battle-weary, but I did recover

Were not married but engaged for 7 years.i cried when he told me,broke down again,he tried to hug me,wtf!. That will be the last time I show him any emotion. I feel like a top class mug right now. Even before he told me her name I knew to she was,I said it for him. Funnily enough she has poped up in our relationship over the years,he went to school with her and he has always liked her. If seen her fb she's stunning with those deadly filters but not very nice without them. Oh she has 3 children.

We got together when I was 17,him 18. He lost his virginity to me and been together ever since. We're 30 and 31 now. I understand people change etc and want different things and partners but he's not even let the dust settle. My gut was telling me something and I just kept being passive about it.il never do that again.

Iv a few more questions i want to ask him then I'm going to close the book and say no more. Me and his children live in one town and this new peice lives were he's from about an hours drive away. He works were I am so I'm interested to see how things pan out. He even told me il have to meet her at some point because our kids will be spending time with her and her tribe. Really. Things have got very serious in 3 weeks I tell ya. He is not the man I thought he was,he's been a shit in the past,said and done horrible things but nothing like this.