Ashamed to say, I just feel bored

[BuildingABridge]

I have nothing to complain about really. Lovely house, great job, good network of friends and family etc. I know people have so much harder lives than me and this is going to sound so pathetic but I’m just bored.

I’m married happily enough, no children (which I’ve always felt a bit of a failure about), mid 40’s. I feel like “this is it” and it embarrasses me to say that makes me feel quite depressed. Recently an old male friend of mine and I have been talking a lot about this and he too is in a very similar situation. I don’t think my friendship with him is a threat to my current situation, although the fact that our conversations are escapism for us both and brings us both a change to what is the norm, makes me nervous to think if we are doing good or bad to our very different and separate lives.

I don’t really have a question but just wondered if anyone else felt the same with their lot? I feel like completely turning my life upside down just to bring back some excitement back but reckon even then I’d still need to live with myself.

Ditto if you could die of boredom I would be dead already marriage is not all that. I think we change and shit happens we get in a rut. your oh might not think it’s ok to do what your doing op. I cannot believe how many threads on here about unhappiness its amazing how many stuck with their marriage and dull lives isn’t it. There can be exciting relationships but there is also abusive & cheaters & very bad liars the world is full of them which would you pick if you could pick again?

Thanks Pessismistic. I suspect that there are so many people in a rut and feeling bored. As I said, I really have nothing to complain about and of course any sort of abusive relationship is something I have total empathy to the poor souls who find themselves in those situations.

I have always considered myself to be strong and in control with strong morals about life. I question that something has changed in me and it is threatening my natural positive outlook on life.

I guess it could even be a mid life crisis that is brewing.

I am scared to do either something or nothing.

I believe this is totally about me and nothing to do with anyone else, I’ve just lost my way in being able to sort myself out!

Have you thought about taking a career sabbatical and going travelling? Maybe you can look at being childless in a positive light if you do something that wouldn't be possible if you had kids?

I get it when you marry you don’t see the shit side of things the boredom and now the phone gets more attention than me. I now understand the Shirley valentine film after all this time. I wish you luck in what you do but escapism with your male friend isn’t the answer believe me.

Is there anything you have always wanted to try? Something mundane or extreme?
Anywhere new in the world you haven't visited yet and would love to go and see?
A new career?
Book a plane ticket and go from there?
Go bungy jumping? Snorkeling? Climb a mountain? Get a bike? Start running? Art project? Go travelling? Sell your house and live in a yurt? Get some chickens?

P.s. I have 3 young children and your possibilities seem endless to me! However I was child free once and I can see it's not as easy as just doing what you want. But please be careful you don't turn your friendship into an emotional affair.

I feel the same. I’ve got three kids (two with autism). I’m late 30s and I feel very very bored. I have some life regrets but like you I feel like a mid life crisis is around the corner. I also feel quite trapped by my life.

Me too, OP. I've been with my DH for 25 years.

We have a very comfortable life but it's like bloody Groundhog Day.

If I didn't have a DC, I would probably take off and travel for a year or so. But I can't because I need to give my DD security.

So I've decided to wait until she's gone off to Uni then I can do some more things for myself.

As you don't have DC's, OP, the world's your oyster!

I’m so glad I started this. My own head is doing me in and to actually see this all written down is really helpful, so thank you all! I really really feel ashamed to feel this way, so many of you have what I consider to be real problems and not just my pathetic “I feel bored” feelings.

I’d never heard of an emotional affair but if I understand the term to be emotionally connected to someone who you shouldn’t be to be correct, it alarms me to think that I could be doing that without realising. I thought it was just being friendly with an old pal. Lots to think about.

Gosh, it all sounds very self absorbed but totally fascinating, love hearing about different perspectives of life.

The practical suggestions of actually getting out there and doing something is a bit of a revelation and realisation that only myself can change things if I want to.

You should definitely travel. That will help.

I would also suggest opening up to your DH about everything you feel. Really share your whole self with him. Also finding fun in the mundane can help. Listening to your favourite music/podcast while washing up etc. I try to make the household tasks about me as much as possible! So I get to choose the music, the washing powder scent, what food we eat, where very thing in my house goes etc etc. Sounds boring I know but if it needs doing you might as well own it!

I really think the type of conversations you're having with this friend are the type to definitely breed discontent.

It's like when in a group of friends, one person has relationship trouble and becomes single, others follow suit or in a work-place, one person is unhappy and brings morale down among colleagues.

The negative gets magnified until it's all you can think about.

Like PP said, take positive action but I bet if you also take a break from these conversations, you'll be able to think more clearly before you do something drastic

Could you take a career break and go travelling with your husband?

Gosh, thank you! That’s hit me like a jolt. Not sure what started first, me feeling this way or the conversations I’ve been happening. Definitely need to give that some thought thank you!

@Pessismistic

I was having just the same thought about Shirley Valentine today.

I wish I understood the film when I was younger I never for one minute expected my life to be so boring and lonely I wasn’t this lonely single and living alone and I never thought I would be the one staying for the sake of my dc but here I am and miserable as fuck

@Pessismistic I wish I knew then what I do now. I think I’d live my life quite differently.

I feel ashamed writing this, but my friend and I were saying similar this week. Both of us 40 or almost, have two kids, careers, pleasant enough husbands, loads of friends, nice house, good holidays etc. What's wrong with us?! We should be really happy?! Makes me sad really, and generally I'm an optimistic person.

Me too only consolation is dc has two loving parents just not exciting or passionate like when I was younger I know it’s not everything in a relationship but it’s a necessity well I think so I’m so much happier when I’m having sex regular it makes me feel good and the communication is better you feel loved and I certainly don’t feel that now can’t even have a proper conversation these days.

Were people happier years ago ,when religion played a bigger part in their lives???

I know I had counselling and kept saying don’t even know why I’m here there are people worse off etc but as I was told it doesn’t mean our problems are less trivial but I still felt guilty for moaning now I’m no better but I see there are plenty of us out there

Going to church on a Sunday connected the community,gave them a focus ,a reason to get out their Sunday best ...people were more involved in each other's lives ,keeping busy helping out,had less free time to feel dissatisfied

I wonder if technology has taken over we’re on gadgets more I know I see my op on his phone so much I get pissed off and I then I do it too just to be the same then Moan we have no communication nothing in common and barely any sex just watch boring tv and wonder where my life went arghhh

This is what happens in the first world. We start obsessing over everything that's not in our eyes 'perfect' because we've been brainwashed from the moment our lives began. We force ourselves into worrying and thinking everything isn't ok

I try to stop over thinking and every minute of the day thinking 'and how do I feel about this?' Because thoughts are just thoughts

we have one life and we best make do with what we have, the grass will always be Greener on the other side