I have been with dh for 20 years, married for 15-we have 3 kids, generally a good relationship-we have similar sense of humour, have good friends who we see regularly- just for background info.
When we met, DH was a size 36 waist-perfectly normal size and good looking. He is now mid/late 40s, a 44 inch waist (with his stomach absolutely straining over the waistband and seems to take very little interest in how he looks. He has bought about 10 of the same black t-shirt, all in xxxl which he wears all of the time. Has a pair of jeans that look awful-has to be big to fit, but the legs are enormous and you can see his pants/arse crack when he bends down and a massive over hanging gut when he lifts his hands up.
I cook healthy food-me and the children are healthy weights but he eats so fast and can’t seem to bear to be hungry. He eats toast and cereal late at night and will always buy pudding/chocolate/ice cream even if no one else is having any.
He knows he is overweight and if I suggest getting clothes that fit, he says he doesn’t need new clothes, Just needs to be thinner, but doesn’t do anything about it. He blames his weight on me organising social occasions with friends (maybe 1/2 a month) where food is involved, not seeing that’s its everyday habits that are more likely to be the reason. When we see friends for takeaway-he has loads of poppodoms/naan bread/chocolate, when no one else does. It’s like he’s unable to stop.
Sex is an issue as his gut means if he is on top, I can barely feel him inside me-it just doesn’t reach that far! I also feel like he’s squashing me and I can’t breathe. I can go on top, but it does my (dodgy) knees in and it was never my favourite position; now it’s the only one.
His brother (also very overweight) died in his 40s last year of a massive heart attack. I thought that might make him lose weight, but it hasn’t.
I’ve done SW and WW type healthy eating with him as like a ‘let’s get fit together’ -it works for a bit but not for long.
His weight means he won’t go swimming with the kids, if the door goes/something is split on the floor-he’ll wait for someone else to pick it up etc, it’s making him sluggish and lazy and frankly unattractive.
Am I beinh horrible? What can I do?
If it was man posting about his wife getting fat after 20 years, there would probably be an outcry but it makes me cross that I bother to look nice despite giving birth to 3 babies, yet he can’t and feel it’s not fair. I don’t find extremely overweight men attractive and never have.
Does anyone have any thoughts rather than just giving me a pasting for being a bitch! I feel horrible thinking like this, but it is the way I feel. I am actually embarrassed by him now which I feel awful about.