33 and watching on the sidelines, i am so lonely i dont want to be here anymore. has anyone felt like this and had it all turn around?

[lizzedays]

I posted a while ago about this and I am sorry to come back again I am just in a really bad way. I am so lonely. I go to work everyday in this big office and people think I am successful" but I am nearly at breaking point. I am so deeply lonely I don't think I can take it anymore.

I used to be resiliant about being alone. I have had relationships in the past and when I feel better I can be a good fun. I am just so unhappy now. I cant face the dating world again. Nothing works out in the long run.

some people never have heartbreak, they meet someone at 20 and that's it. all my twenties was filled with heartbreak across three serious relationships that ended. it isnt fair. such a self pitying thing to say but it is how i feel. why havent i met my "one" yet. what is wrong with me?

from the outside my world looks great. i am a crumbling mess and cant imagine ever meeting anyone and approaching mid thirties i will never have the love and romance and family. i feel like there is no point to my life anymore.

has anyone felt like this and got better, seen the light or been happy? i have never felt so low and lonely in my life.

You've just started a new thread about a guy you've just had a second date with.

You do confuse me.

Hey,

Im so sorry you feel this way. I was like this too and i think the old advice to fake it until you make it and focus more on you and less on the situation helps!

It's SO hard though. I used to go into work with a knot in my stomach on a monday and feel pressure to make my weekend sound more exciting than it really was so people didnt know how lonely i was. I realised this sucked so i started volunteering work at weekends and got into exercising more,writing down my thoughts at night, reading and joining in stuff e.g.work nights out. Never turn a night out down no matter how much you cant be bothered!

On the surface i looked better than ever after focussing on my self so much and appeared successful and had more hobbies / volunteering etc to talk about but i was still incredibly lonely for a long time and would sometimes cry myself to sleep.

I dated a lot but eventually met my now husband through internet dating! I found it easier to meet someone like minded that way and after being on my own so long i think in a strange way i was more confident and knew what i wanted even though i felt an emotional helpless wreck at the time!

So it can change and it will for you. I think just embrace any opportunities you get,dont be scared and be nice to yourself. I used to find treating myself to a nice bunch of flowers, clothes, some nice food or a box set and some wine would cheer me up!

I also decided if i didn't meet someone to do something lile backpacking or teaching abroad for a year...something for me!

So hang on in there...it WILL get better!

thank you, that is nice to read. i think i will look into volunteering etc to ty and feel like i have a bit more purpose.

i think im just lonely and want my enthusiasm to come back and the hope. i just cannot see a future with anyone anymore, whereas in the past i would think that one day it would happen.

I was actually about your age when I met my DH. It's a real cliche, I know, but I had finally accepted my single status. I finally had my own flat, I had a job I loved, very good friends. And the first thing I did after completing on my flat was get myself a cat, my beloved companion from a rescue centre, who stayed with me through thick and thin until she had to be PTS 10 years later.

But because I was settled and happy in my life, I was in the right place to meet my DH. We now have 2 DDs, adopted, aged 9 and 6, and 4 cats!!

Life has a way of surprising us. But the key thing was that I'd finally built a single life for myself and was completely happy before my DH came along. I'm glad he did, obviously, but I would have been okay in my own flat with my cat, my job and my friends. (Okay, it was always my preference to have a man as well, I'm not denying that!!)

But it is a lonely place on your own if you don't have the support of friends or family. Please do reach out, don't feel that you have to pretend to be okay when you're not. You may find that your friends need your support as well, that's what I found.

OP I really am at a loss to understand you. On one thread while all you want is a family you say you don't want children for a few years yet, but on another talking about a second date with a guy you've just been on, you say you want them ideally soon. Which is it? You aren't successful in relationships, you'll never find someone, yet you've just had a second date with someone, you spent six months with a married guy, you've been in touch with another old flame who is engaged and you've both admitted you have feelings for each other.... You are all over the place.

I say again, you need to look at why you are attracting the wrong men and then getting involved with them, and have some therapy or counselling. Or you'll be back here in another six months, just like before, telling us the same stuff. If the same things keep happening to you, you need to examine why.

Hi OP,

I had 2 shit marriages before meeting the love of my life and being truly happy with someone. We don't all have the storybook fairytale. Please talk to your GP and the Samaritans. Don't give up, there's a life out there to be lived. Try online dating, Meetup groups, gym etc. It's not easy but please get up and give life a shot. You have to be 'out there' to make life happen. Good luck

thanks, these messages really have been helping me get through each day at the moment. it is nice to hear that others have felt the same and come through it!

I was in the same position as you at 33 OP, so I know how you feel. I did meet someone that year, have a baby the following year and we're married with two kids now.

I never thought it would happen for me, I'd spent my 20s feeling like the sad singleton when all my friends were coupled up and I just imagined that would continue as they all started to have babies.

Now some of those friends are the single ones and I'm the happily married one.

You just don't know what's going to happen. If it could happen for me it could happen for anyone. Don't give up hope.

@ShatnersWig I'm not sure hounding the OP by dragging up previous posts is needed. With respect, I don't think you'll be able to understand the OP's position, I'm sure I saw a post from you stating you're 23?

OP I'm in my early thirties. I have several friends who feel exactly how you do. I get it. I've had some very low points in my life too, regular exercise and socialising has really been a godsend for me at those points. And for what it's worth, I met my DH online.

Maybe shatner said he wishes he was 23!!
But

Sorry no but actually

Haha oh well, god knows who I was thinking of! Apologies if I've offended. Rest of the post still stands.

I'm 44!!! I've also been single 8 years, so I actually get it. But clearly the OP needs some counselling to understand why she does what she does.