33 and watching on the sidelines, i am so lonely i dont want to be here anymore. has anyone felt like this and had it all turn around?

[lizzedays]

I posted a while ago about this and I am sorry to come back again I am just in a really bad way. I am so lonely. I go to work everyday in this big office and people think I am successful" but I am nearly at breaking point. I am so deeply lonely I don't think I can take it anymore.

I used to be resiliant about being alone. I have had relationships in the past and when I feel better I can be a good fun. I am just so unhappy now. I cant face the dating world again. Nothing works out in the long run.

some people never have heartbreak, they meet someone at 20 and that's it. all my twenties was filled with heartbreak across three serious relationships that ended. it isnt fair. such a self pitying thing to say but it is how i feel. why havent i met my "one" yet. what is wrong with me?

from the outside my world looks great. i am a crumbling mess and cant imagine ever meeting anyone and approaching mid thirties i will never have the love and romance and family. i feel like there is no point to my life anymore.

has anyone felt like this and got better, seen the light or been happy? i have never felt so low and lonely in my life.

Please, please talk to someone in real life. Or try the Samaritans if you don't have someone you can discuss this with.

I remember feeling a bit like this when I was in my late twenties. I (quite ridiculously) even considered not taking a morning after pill after having a one night stand because I thought it would give me what I needed.
I then met someone 6 months later. Things are far from perfect but I do now have the life (and children, and companionship) that I always wanted.

Please do reach out to a friend or family member for some real life support though. It's ok to not be ok x

Just wanted to say hi op

I got two cats personally. I was in exactly the same position. And I’m not going to say “oh I found my dh at 39 and then we suddenly had two dc” or similar because I used to find that even harder to read when I was in your position

It sucks. It really really really does. I had a good job, my own home, looked relatively nice, was funny (so my friends told me) could cook, had travelled, was all round a “good catch”. And everyone else had someone apart from me. It killed me inside.

I was fed up of always having to be the “wacky” friend with all the good stories when I went to friends weddings / christenings / birthday parties. Always felt like the third wheel invited out of sympathy when friends invited me out on evenings which clearly would have flowed better if I had an OH

For me, I found my two cats helped me with the worthless feeling. They gave me a reason to get up in the morning. That slowly started to give my life some meaning, which allowed me to help lift the fog of misery

Please see a doctor. The internet is not the best place to get medical advice, especially for something as complicates as mental health.

Would you jack it all in, rent out your place and go on a world adventure or retrain and do a post grad?

These things are what I did when I came across dead ends in my life and I haven't looked back.

Sometimes you need to break out of your comfort zone if it is trapping you in a world of misery.

Yes, I have been there and YES I completely understand how you are feeling.

I can only echo Moomin's words because they totally sum up how I felt. I got a dog, not being a cat person.

Please speak to someone in real life.

I know it feels like you are the only person in the world not coupled up, but I promise you that you are not alone.

i just want to have a family. it is literally all i want.

i feel like my twenties were filled with heartbreak and now i am old and alone while everyone else lives their lives.

i dont see the point in anything anymore. if i go to the doctors they will say i am depressed. im not. im just desperately lonely and have no optimism left.

It's very hard when there seems to be no easy path leading to what you want in life.

Anyone looking at your situation is going to suggest joining a community like the church or social group and dating sites which you have given up on.

You can adopt, get a sperm donor, go it alone to start a family.

I think your world will open up for you if you are prepared to go out of your comfort zone.

I think the others are right though, you do need to see your gp to help.

I felt like that. Lived for work, pretended I was fulfilled. Disastrous relationships... Turned 33, reclaimed my life, got happy and met my amazing husband. I keep pinching myself as the difference now to when I felt so low and depressed is incredible. It can happen but you have to be in the mindset for it- respecting and loving yourself. You can be happy OP. Go out and get it!

And at 33 you're not to late for kids- just read the conception boards here!

*too

If you're lonely, why don't you try dating? The ideal man isnt going to just fall down your chimney one evening, you have to get out there. Tell your friends, in the most joky way you can manage, that if they have any single friends to give them your number. The current Mr Floozie and I were set up by a mutual friend and we are very happy right now!

The people who were "happy ever after" from their early 20s are not always what they seem. I was with my ex-H from the age of 20 to 42...and it was frankly shit. I was much more lonely in my rotten relationship than i ever would have been alone.

Ahh lovely, I do understand how you feel. Okay so firstly, my husband was a virgin until late twenties as was so shy and had no self-esteem...he had three heartbreak/short relationships in early-mid thirties that knocked his confidence even more. He truly believed he would never have family or be loved by anyone apart from his Dad and sister. He met me at 39 and we are happily married and I love him deeply and care for him so much he is a truly lovely man. We have had children and he has his family. He still can't believe it a lot of the time. My father was 49 when he met my Mum, had three children with her (me at 55) and they were married 35 years. The aim of this point is we never know what is round the corner.
Secondly, there are an awful lot of unhappy marriages out there, please don't paint what others have with rose-tinted glasses...it's easy to do when you are low and lonely but it IS better to be single than in unhappy relationships.
Thirdly...I am married and I usually do not socialise with my husband as he has to look after kids or vice versa, nu friends just want to see me and see me at peace with myself, nobody wishes you were part of a couple they like you for YOU!
Fourthly, pets are amazing. House rabbit, skink, cat, dog, chinchilla, I'm sure there is one for you.
And finally, but most importantly...

Please, please, talk to GP.

I feel nearly exactly the same for the past few years. All I ever wanted was a family, but as my relationships fell apart, time went on and I feel trapped like I'm never going to have my happy ending. A slight turning point was I decided to get a puppy, I've devoted so much of my time to him, (admittedly I baby him). But although I still am extremely lonely and unhappy with how my life is turning out and seeing everyone around me getting what I want, it did help as I could not imagine leaving my dog now, he depends on me and I depend on him, it gives me purpose and companionship. In terms of the having the family I've always longed for, I've decided to adopt, take matters into my own hands and change a childs life. Then if I ever do find a partner to share my life with, I'd hope they'd accept that a family is the most important to me and accept us as we come. Least I now have hope my life in going somewhat in the direction I wished for. My advice would be to try get some purpose, take control of what you can do, no matter how small to get what you want out of life. I'd really like to know how you get on x

I used to feel like this but things have turned around for me and I now have the family I wanted. You are definitely not old at 33.

Things I would advise if you don’t already.

1. Exercise which will boost your mental health and confidence.
2. Focus on yourself and improving your life without having a family - job, travel, hobbies etc
3. Then do internet dating and tell friends to set you up etc

Wishing you the best op.

You're not old at all! Like lakehouse says you have to love yourself and know how to make yourself happy, I know that sounds cheesy and I would never have said that but I have just gone through a horrible breakup and feeling a similar way to you (same age too). No-one else can make you happy, scroll down this forum every day, people who have been together 10 years, 20 years break up, a partner walks out, cheats etc etc You can look around and see everyone with the perfect life but that's not true. You're not old at all anyway, just take small steps, don't get overwhelmed by the big steps. Small steps in the direction you want to be in.

I just wanted to say I relate to this 100%.
I'm following for advice, but OP I feel you. I feel quite broken about the way life has turned out although you would never know in rl. I'm the one people come to with problems or when they need advice and yet happiness (or more truthfully, love) passes me by

OP, the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
I was married for 20 years, it’s going to take another 20 to repair the damage it’s done. I haven’t stopped to think what do I want out of a relationship, I just fell into it and lasted that long because I tried and I tried and I tried. Soul destroying.
Find out who you are and what you are first, then be open to meeting others.
Friendships are relationships. Being part of a family is a relationship. It does not start and stop with being romantically involved with another person.
See your GP about how you feel. You’re not alone, and I do mean that.

thank you for the messages. sorry i am quiet. struggling tonight but i am reading them all.

Marriage and family life isn't all its cracked up to be. I got married to someone who was totally wrong for me at 21, now getting divorced at 38. If I could live my twenties over again, I'd never have got married. The only good thing to come out of my relationship with my ex, is my son, and you can have a baby without being in a relationship if it's kids that you want. Once my divorce is done, I'll be getting my own place and 2 cats!

Hi there,
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! Like someone else has already said, could you not do something dramatically different like train in something you have always been interested in, are good at or are even curious about? A change of scene and a bunch of fresh faces will shake up the monotony for you and open many doors.
Also, yes to getting a pet, there's something so beautiful about a tender nuzzle or cuddle with our furry friends , no judgement or selfishness just love! I know that sounds a bit cringey but when you're at the bottom these little moments mean so much and can make a huge difference.
Please see a doctor to talk about how you are feeling, you say it's not depression, maybe not, but it is good idea to stop yourself going down that rabbit hole before it gets too much. It's self care.
In the meantime can I just recommend meditation, even if it is ten mins at a time, and also I like to watch different YouTube videos when I relax, loads of different things on there, from de-cluttering, buddhism, psychology or phylosophy facts or opinions you could try to understand, won't hurt to listen and some people do really cheerful talks which set you off in a better mood.
You should start to focus on your positives and what you love about yourself, what you can bring to your own life and at the same time keep dreaming about your future life, we all do that, then go out and make it happen!

OP I don't want to make this all about me because it's your post, but I promise you I know how you feel.

I'm 33 and I've never been in a valid relationship. I'm not extremely ugly, not boring, nothing spectacular but you know just... normal. 95% of the people I know have what I want without much effort at all. Whilst I've had nothing but a couple of non starters that are all too pathetic to even put a label on.

I'm just trying to stabilise my own future now so that I could hopefully at least have a proper home etc one day.

It's not just you - there are loads of us. We just don't admit it out loud xx

Sending you virtual hugs. It’s a fucking lonely place to be l, whatever age you are. Feeling lonely is a terrible thing.
Not a lot else to say, other than I know how it feels.
It’s annoying when other people chime in with how their life changed overnight when you don’t think yours can.
But the past is the past and the future is the future.
I’ve seen a lot of people waste their lives on the what ifs.
All we can do is try not to be that person. No matter how hard it is for us.
Xxxx

Also I too wasted an entire decade crying and wailing over two complete and utter arseholes who weren't worth the steam off my piss instead of going to festivals and having fun like I should have been x

Right how about saying fuck it and doing some serious online dating. Treat it as a game, the goal being to meet someone nice. Go online now, sign up for something like match or eharmony. Pick 10 guys a day to contact. Your aim is to get to first date stage so you can see if you like them. I would say you have a very good shot at finding someone great.

Ah OP for you.

I'm COMPLETELY with you on the feeling lonely page. I've just (literally last couple of days) broken up with my second fiancé who has moved out of our house. If you'd seen us around a week or so ago you'd think we were a little happy family with our baby. But looks can be very deceptive.

I don't have any real answers for you because I'm going through this too but I wanted you to know you're not alone, and what you're feeling is quite common it's just people don't generally fess up to feeling this way!

If you ever need to chat, rant, moan I am here. I am very lonely in the evenings when my baby has gone to bed and would love someone to chat to as well