Wwyd?

[wanteddeadoralive18]

Been in relationship just over a year and up until recently have been happy. Both have separate homes and kids approx 25mins away from each other- mine live with me full time but are old enough to be left for a few hours if I go out (16&13)
I see DP a couple of nights a week when he comes after he’s seen his kids, I have food ready for him so by time I’ve finished clearing up, it’s quite late we watch some tv and then we go to bed. Up early the next day and Both go off to work.
Last few weekends, DP has made his own plans to go out on his own. 1st weekend, we had plans(1st anniversary) which he cancelled to go elsewhere. Last weekend, we were all supposed to be going somewhere and I couldn’t leave DC so I said I couldn’t go. DP said he was still going and left me to it despite him knowing why I couldn’t leave DC (issues with exh). This weekend, I thought we could spend some quality time together as both my kids are out, he doesn’t have his kids this weekend and he’s pleased himself for last 2 weekends. DP tells me last night that he’s going out with his mates today....
I told him I was upset and how I felt and he turned it round to say I was telling him he couldn’t go. That is absolutely not the case but I just wanted him to want to spend some time with me... DP will have his kids next weekend so next weekend is already taken up.
I feel really fed up, I feel our priorities are different and starting to think I would be better on my own. AIBU to think he should want to spend some ‘quality’ time with me and maybe prioritise me once in a while?
Sorry for the ramble.... x

So he's also lazy. And controlling. And using you. He can't be arsed to make an effort but expects you to do so. Make that list. It will be an eye opener.

He would say that he makes an effort by coming to see me after he’s seen his kids/family whatever else he has planned - he doesn’t have to come to my house, he could stay at home.....

He expects you to be grateful that he blesses you with his delightful company. He's making you out to be unreasonable for expecting perfectly reasonable things in a relationship. Red flags galore here.

He would say that he makes an effort by coming to see me after he’s seen his kids/family whatever else he has planned - he doesn’t have to come to my house, he could stay at home.....

Some effort........when you consider the reward is food and a shag.

Does he contribute to the food, upkeep and bills at yours?

He'll be quids in when he makes money off his own property and he's still using you as a pit, squit and shit stop

Wow! What a tosser

To the posters saying he’s controlling - no he isn’t. He doesn’t care enough to even want to control the op (this isn’t me saying controlling men are doing it out of love, absolutely not,m)

Sorry op but he doesn’t care. He comes over during the week to dinner ready for him, you then have sex and the next morning he goes home. Come the weekends he’s out doing his own thing with his mates

The honeymoon period has worn off. I’d say he’s less interested now.

I’d back off if I was you. Let him come to you, let him cook dinners and let him make plans. If he doesn’t, you know he’s not that bothered. Next time he texts about coming over during the week either tell him you’re busy or reply saying “yeah sure, it’s your turn to cook aswell” and see how quickly he comes over then...

You need to improve your standards.

No, he doesn’t contribute to any food or bills at my house although he did bring me the food he was going to cook last weekend but didn’t as he went to his families house for dinner instead (I wasn’t invited). 😂

You already know he is using you. First few months he put some effort into reeling you in. Now he thinks he doesn’t have to, as you are ‘happy ‘ with -providing him with food and sex when he wants... and when you tell him you aren’t it’s your fault! Your choice what to do but he’s already telling you he isn’t going to change

He IS controlling and this is how it starts with the reaction he's had to her telling him she's upset about something. The message is loud and clear not to object to anything he does, not to say she's upset, because he won't like it and will sulk. Sulking is manipulation. Manipulation is control. It makes her toe the line to keep the peace. THAT is controlling.

It’s me that’s currently sulking (again!) as he’s carrying on with his original plans.... does that mean that I am manipulating him???

liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse

Nope. It means you're unhappy and you're waking up to the reality of the situation. I wouldn't call it sulking either.

Everyone is entitled to their own lives and it can be refreshing to see friends and not be in each other's pockets all the time. How this reads is that he only has 1 foot into the relationship and his other foot is out. Men like women that can be like a mother figure to them and because you are feeding him he is happy to carry on the relationship as he's getting everything he wants out of it. Food. Sex. Whilst still maintaining his own life how he wants to live it. You need a serious talk with him and tell him you feel used. He sounds like a user to me.

A form of gaslighting

You’re not a priority for him, you’re just an option, he’s showing you that by choosing to spend his free time with others and not you.

This isn’t how a relationship should be, he should be wanting to spend time with you on his free weekends or at least including you.

You’ve hit the nail on the head - that’s exactly how I feel but I feel unreasonable for feeling this way.... it’s crap :(

You feel "unreasonable for feeling this way".

You know you said earlier you have no self-esteem - well, that line of thinking is exactly that speaking. What you're getting from him is rubbish and lazy and uncaring. It's absolutely reasonable to be pissed off about that.

I keep making excuses for his behaviour ...’he’s been hurt by his exW’
His family were there for him afterwards so they are all mega close and he doesn’t want to loose that, I do understand that. I think they have him on a bit of a pedestal ‘Ooo he’s so lovely... etc etc’ was all I got when I first met him.

He’s throwing you breadcrumbs to keep you where he wants you, a midweek pit stop and I’m sorry to say that as you must be incredibly sad and upset about all this.

Please see that you are worth so much more than this, you deserve to be treated with the utmost respect as do we all and unfortunately he isn’t doing that. This will also be having a negative effect on your already low self esteem.

Ugh, haven't we all been hurt by exes? It's no excuse to be a giant hairball in your next relationships.

I think he is just using you. He doesn't like you enough to want to spend time with you when there's something more interesting going on. He's just not that into you, like the book says.

I would finish with him op and look for someone who is into you and wants to spend time with you and treat you properly.

It’s certainly looking that way which breaks my heart as I actually thought I loved this guy.... just shows what I know :(

You probably do love him op, but if he doesn’t value that and love you back then is it going to work?

You love the man he pretended to be. The man he really is, is pissing you off and making you feel bad.