I've just found a kik account on my husbands phone

[Mammyofonlyone]

Help, I feel sick.
I heard on here about kik and how it was used by people having affairs so I looked at my husbands phone to see if he had it. I was not expecting him too, the only reason I looked is because he is being uncharacteristically nice (as in reeeaallly nice, most of the time he is just normal nice).
Anyhow, I found he had the account. There was one thread from a person, called Sophia in April and May. All the conversation was one sided and there was no response showing. There were maybe eight comments. It was a fairly 'filth' sexual conversation, not suggesting that they'd had sex but a very sexual conversation nonetheless.
I don't know what to do

Well I would take photos of everything as evidence and tell him to leave.

I'm not being flippant. Having been through it, I wouldn't want to hear the minimising, excuses and lies. And I wouldn't want to waste any more of my life checking up on him or wondering whether he's still doing it.

Even if you are ultimately able to reconcile, asking him to give you space shows him how serious this is.

Do you think so? I don't know what to do.
I've just asked him
Why he had kik and he said he didn't know. So I told him not to lie and he said it was for. SM thing for work so I told him not to lie and he denied it so I asked why there was such a filthy conversation with some girl on it.
He apologised and spent ages saying he'd never act on it, never has and never will.
I just feel disinclined to trust him as he lied when I initially confronted him.
I don't know what to do, I feel sick.
He has deleted the account but I stupidly didn't take photos as I just felt ill when I read them so turned it off. I noticed the dates were all April and May and the very explicit messages. I think I'm going to get his diary and see if the dates marry up with when he was away with work

Apologies for typos, sorry I'm just blurting everything

You must still be in shock. I think the danger is that he'll minimise and deny. Without proof, you'll begin to doubt yourself and ease back into the status quo. I think you have to make him see what he stands to lose.

Well, he's cheated hasn't he ?

Unless you want to negotiate an open relationship where you get your rocks off with other men ? How would that go down ?

I'm sorry you're going through this.
If it were me I'd be seriously considering whether or not to continue in the relationship. Once the trust is gone it'd be hard to get that back and I'd be worrying all the time that he was doing it again .

I've been through this before. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, I know how you feel. Your heart will be in your throat for a while.

I suggest taking photos of everything. Look at his username and it it is really unique, google it (just in case he's put it online and is looking to chat that way). Look up her username also. You'd be surprised how many people have their KIK username in their social media profile.

I would say it could be nothing but in this case, it doesn't sound like it is. I'm really sorry. Best bring it up, be really strong about it and do not let him convince you that you're the one in the wrong (I fell in to this trap too many times and it is completely soul destroying).

Stay on mn and vent to us! Most people here are very supportive when someone is in genuine need of help. Sending my support

It's deceit however you look at it, just a matter of,you deciding if you can forgive him and trust him.

I think that sex messaging is a form of cheating even in the absence of physical contact. Sorry, OP

He's most likely cheated OP. I've been doing online dating a while and married men always want to use KIK, it's a great signal to single women to avoid a man. Before I realised what it was for, is chat to potential dates on there and meet up with them. I'd be confused why sometimes their messages didn't get through but that's because married men delete the app when they are with their spouses then they reinstall to start the affair again. That was my experience anyway. I won't deal with any man using it.

Sorry

Thank you everyone. I honestly don't know what to do. It all feels surreal, I kind of want to laugh because I just can't believe this is actually happening.
I just want it all to go away so we can go back to our lovely life. I need to snap out of that though.
I honestly can't believe he would write such crude things to someone. It feels like a different person

Kik is just a messaging app not always seedy. I've used it in the past to talk to friends.

The annoying thing is I want to cry and talk it through with my husband but in this instance I can't

Sorry your going through this OP, it does seem like he's not being fully honest. Not all KIK users are cheats looking for an affair or fling, I have it for chatting to online gaming friends and other messaging, it's not always for cheating.

OP I'd be inclined to ask.him to leave for a few days so you can think and he can realise what he's going to lose. Tell him if he is to have a chance of coming back he has to be completely how stand open

What is it about kik that makes it suitable for adultery? How is it different from, say, WhatsApp or normal messaging?

So sorry that you've found the app and the messages .it could be innocent if she was initiating all the messages .You could ask a relative or friend to set up a fake profile for you on there see if he takes the bait .sending big hugs

The thing is he’s not going to have sat eating his dinner writing those filthy things - he’s written them for his own pleasure. Instead of having a sexual release with you he’s sat at his phone and done it with another woman in secret instead. And it will have been for pleasure - why else?! Twice that you know of and yes not physical cheating (that you know of) but I really couldn’t be happy about that.
Can you go back to normal after that?

Sadly I think it was him sending the messages, I couldn't see any responses from her, hence me not being sure how it works. Do her messages get deleted? Or does she call him? Or meet up with him to act on what he said? I have no idea.

With Kik you don't need a phone number so it's easier for.cheating it's a username. App can be deleted and reinstalled if you need to hide it. Sorry op in my experience it's married men who usually use it

I'm not sure with Kik tbh.he sounds like he's guilty been overly nice and I presume kik needs to be downloaded like what's app?I'd tell him where to go hun .I'm sorry I read your post wrong regarding the one sided messages and Sophia. I'd tell him you want the truth or he's out the door and if he doesn't make sense keep at him .

Thanks everyone. We're talking now. I don't know what to do. I'm going with my gut I think, going to see how I feel

He lied to you twice.
He would have carried on lying if you hadn't called him on it.
He will lie in the future if he thinks he can get away with it.

How does this sit with you?

If Sophia has now deleted the app her replies will not show?
Agree with PP he kept lying to you when you questioned him - if he thinks it’s a good believable lie then he will lie, he’s proven this to you.