Slept with ex who's married

[WildTulip]

NC for this. Last night I met with an ex. We were together over 20 years ago. Briefly went out at uni, he then cheated on me, split up and I met and married my husband. He split with the girl and tried to win me back but I was head over heels with hubby and remained so for many years until my own recent split. He himself married, divorced, then remarried and has 2 DCs with another on the way living in Australia. Hardly any contact until recent times when he comes back for work.
A few months ago we met up for a catch up, which was fab. Had my eldest with me and looked at old photos and told stories. Awesome time.
This time we met and I expected the same, which it was, lots of memories and talking about life. He says I was his one regret, and I do know that, I always have known if I'm honest. But I hold no grudges as we were young and different people back then. I have no regrets at all.
However, things went further after I became upset talking about my failed marriage and what I went through. It's easy the day after to reflect and have regrets when sense kicks in. I feel like I was his 'unfinished business' and feel awful for his poor unsuspecting wife. Ready for the MN abuse... I know I was complicit but really hit home how a leopard never changes his spots no matter how time passes!

His poor wife.
Very surprised that you would knowingly enable him to be that leopard.

Not your fault, OP. He's a cunt.

He sniffed your vulnerability and exploited it. Wish him all the best, NC & move on.

So what's your dilemma, it's done now, not much you can do about it. I feel bad for his poor wife though

Oh dear. Once a cheat, always a cheat. And you should have known better OP. I'm sorry about the pain you're still experiencing about your marriage though. That's very sad.

Play with fire...

You’re probably not the only person he’s slept with outside of his marriage. OK, you knew he was married but the vow was his to break, not yours, so try and take it as a mistake to learn from rather than something to beat yourself up about.

@Olikingcharles

Oh no....hugs. 💐 Men are just rubbish at saying all the right things when they sense you're susceptible. I hope you're ok and stay strong.
I can easily go NC with him as it's just clicked that all the niceties were probably a ploy to last night. Well it feels that way anyway and I've reverted my feelings about him back to when he cheated on me all those years ago.
I'm just astounded men do this so easily with no conscience.
First gut instinct- always right.

Thank you Wild Tulip i'm getting there. Yes you are so right on both counts.
Gut instinct always right (wish i'd gone with mine and sent him packing)
I too am astounded how easily they can do this.

I'm just astounded men do this so easily with no conscience.

With the greatest of respect OP I don't think you can lay all the blame at his door. Yes he was the one in the relationship not you, but you're acting as though he tricked you into this and he's a terrible person while you were innocent?

Not trying to be goady, just don't think you can lump him in with all men are terrible for this!

Men are just rubbish at saying all the right things when they sense you're susceptible

Yes, and a lot of women seem to be just as rubbish at listening to those men when and sleeping with them when they KNOW what those men are like and KNOW they are married.

I'm just astounded men do this so easily with no conscience

Because women like you let them. Yes, he's married and you're not, but come on, you had a CHOICE. He didn't force himself upon you.

You knew what you were doing and that he was married.

You were vulnerable and he sensed that - you are aware being with him was a mistake so try not to beat yourself up about it - concentrate on building your confidence and healing - they were his vows his promises and he broke them

Whats with all the "vulnerable" comments as a justification to having affairs with married men?

Take some accountability for fuck sake!

Not your fault, OP.

Well yes OP is partly to blame. She chose to sleep with a married man. No one forced her to.

Does his wife know he has been meeting up with his ex to go over old memories and reminisce?
Have you met his wife?

I don't understand why you slept with him, you know he is married... He is awful, but I am confused at the all sympathy the OP is getting. She met up with her ex, who is married, they got horny and had sex and his poor wife knows none of this. The sympathy is misplaced imo.

His wife is PREGNANT?

What the am I reading here... what's with all the sympathy and understanding for the OP?

Of course it is partially ops fault! She chose to sleep with a married man! WTF?! I've wandered into the twilight zone I reckon!

what's with all the sympathy and understanding for the OP?

God knows @Annabelle4 , there's a lot of it on MN today and I just don't get it! It's such an insult to women, we are better than this, are we all vulnerable to this married cheating men? FFS!

His wife is PREGNANT?

I just reread the OPs posts 4 times and can't see where she says the wife is pregnant?

But yeah either way the OP isn't blameless (but obviously the ex is the one in the relationship)

OP leave nor

Oops OP leave now before the abuse starts coming it won't make you feel any better.

I think once someone gets away with it once they lose any conscious !

Re the leopard and spots ....in fairness, a kid cheating on their girlfriend of a few months at age 19ish isn't the same as cheating on a spouse or cohabitee - plenty of people play around in their youth but become respectful and faithful grown-ups, so you couldn't really have predicted that he was up for a meaningless shag in 2018. I'm your age, and I've met up with a few exes from my schooldays/early adulthood with no problems at all. So don't berate yourself for not predicting his motives.

However, you must take some responsibility for what ensued. He did not force you into it. Remember how you feel today if you're ever tempted again. Meanwhile, block him on social media and block his "phone number too.