Slept with ex who's married

[WildTulip]

NC for this. Last night I met with an ex. We were together over 20 years ago. Briefly went out at uni, he then cheated on me, split up and I met and married my husband. He split with the girl and tried to win me back but I was head over heels with hubby and remained so for many years until my own recent split. He himself married, divorced, then remarried and has 2 DCs with another on the way living in Australia. Hardly any contact until recent times when he comes back for work.
A few months ago we met up for a catch up, which was fab. Had my eldest with me and looked at old photos and told stories. Awesome time.
This time we met and I expected the same, which it was, lots of memories and talking about life. He says I was his one regret, and I do know that, I always have known if I'm honest. But I hold no grudges as we were young and different people back then. I have no regrets at all.
However, things went further after I became upset talking about my failed marriage and what I went through. It's easy the day after to reflect and have regrets when sense kicks in. I feel like I was his 'unfinished business' and feel awful for his poor unsuspecting wife. Ready for the MN abuse... I know I was complicit but really hit home how a leopard never changes his spots no matter how time passes!

I disagree - she is remorseful - whether she was an old flame or not she has admitted she shouldn't have slept with him.

She took one of her children with her the first time she met him and it was innocent enough - she has posted on this site as she clearly feels bad - continuing on telling her what a bad person she is achieves nothing

It's not like she is continuing on seeing him - she knows the type of person he is.

Imagine if it was a man who posted this. Doubt he'd have people sympathizing because he was feeling "vulnerable".

I disagree. A single man who had been through a difficult divorce meets up with a married ex, who is all over him, reminding him of the 'good times' and they end up sleeping together. We'd all be telling him to put it away and move on, lesson learnt etc. I doubt many people would call him a 'nasty piece of work'.

OP - use the shame to go NC. We keep learning lessons, no matter how old we are (I'm v old). Forget about him and put him in the past where he belongs.

Hear hear thrice -

What are the people criticising the op getting out of doing so? - she regrets it - she feels bad - she is clearly low so why make her feel worse?

She is clearly low? So that excused having sex with a married man?

She doesn't clearly feel bad. Where's she written that.

I am being harsh, because the OP needs to realise that while she is sat judging him for being a cunt, that those thoughts also apply to her.

She needs to get that she isn't a victim, it's not all his fault and she isn't some helpless passerby. She made her decision and she is no better than him.

Sorry I disagree - she isn't married he is - whatever has gone on in her past marriage is still having an impact - he was someone she knows from years ago - she wasn't looking for an affair

Neither of them are rIght doing what they did but he is much worse Imo - he made promises to his wife - he broke them - if it wasn't op it would have been someone else.

Not excusing her behaviour but let's not lose sight of who is the person with regrets here

Even st my very lowest points- and believe me I have had very low points (still do) since I split with my husband, I could never, would never sleep with a married man be he an ex, a stranger or someone I just knew.
The purpose of this thread was to point out how awful this bloke was and how he was still cheating all these years on. A man who cheated on her and hurt her. Yet the op was fully complicit in enabling him to cheat on his wife.

whatever has gone on in her past marriage is still having an impact - he was someone she knows from years ago - she wasn't looking for an affair

It doesn't matter if she was looking for it or not. She did it. She is sat in judgment on him and playing the victim card.

A shit marriage doesn't give you the green light to shag married men. He is awful, but so is she.

but really hit home how a leopard never changes his spots

You are now a leopard Op, your the type of woman who sleeps with married men.

I'm just astounded men do this so easily with no conscience.

^And I am astounded that foolish, desperate women like you jump into bed with them.

She needs to get that she isn't a victim, it's not all his fault and she isn't some helpless passerby. She made her decision and she is no better than him.

^I agree

I'd say the pregnant woman with the feckless liar for a husband is the vulnerable one.

It takes 2 op, you didn't need to oblige. You now regret your decision. You made the choice that you now have to live with. Unfortunately his wife doesn't have the luxury of your choice, she just gets to live with the consequences. Does she need an STI check op?