Slept with ex who's married

[WildTulip]

NC for this. Last night I met with an ex. We were together over 20 years ago. Briefly went out at uni, he then cheated on me, split up and I met and married my husband. He split with the girl and tried to win me back but I was head over heels with hubby and remained so for many years until my own recent split. He himself married, divorced, then remarried and has 2 DCs with another on the way living in Australia. Hardly any contact until recent times when he comes back for work.
A few months ago we met up for a catch up, which was fab. Had my eldest with me and looked at old photos and told stories. Awesome time.
This time we met and I expected the same, which it was, lots of memories and talking about life. He says I was his one regret, and I do know that, I always have known if I'm honest. But I hold no grudges as we were young and different people back then. I have no regrets at all.
However, things went further after I became upset talking about my failed marriage and what I went through. It's easy the day after to reflect and have regrets when sense kicks in. I feel like I was his 'unfinished business' and feel awful for his poor unsuspecting wife. Ready for the MN abuse... I know I was complicit but really hit home how a leopard never changes his spots no matter how time passes!

has 2 DCs with another on the way

It'll be that line @Trinity66

And this is par for the course on these threads. You will always get some posters absolving the OP from any blame whatsoever. They are always "vulnerable" and taken advantage of. Usually, they are a minority but still sizeable.

@Trinity66 the OP says he has ‘2DCs and another on the way’

then remarried and has 2 DCs with another on the way

Definitely pregnant.

Not good, poor poor wife. You do need to take ownership of this, you were aware he's married, with children and one on the way. yes, he's breaking his vows, but you were complicit in that.

ShatnersWig & BanginHeadache bloody hell, seriously 4 times I read it........it's Monday, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it :p

Ew though, feel even more sorry for his wife now

Op has admitted she was wrong there is nothing to be gained from making her feel worse -

@Daphne18 I thought that's what the OP wanted? She says "Ready for the MN abuse... " and didn't ask any sort of question for advice.

Obviously what you did was wrong, but you're single and don't know the woman so I really don't think the blame can be shared equally. He is a pig, you were silly. Have you thought about messaging his wife?

She has also clearly displayed remorse - would it not be better to support her in finding out how to help her heal from the trauma and upset she so clearly feels than to berate her -

You had little thought for his pregnant wife and DCs, did you?
No sympathy from me, you're as bad as each other.

and don't know the woman

So it's ok to have sex with someone you know is married as long as you don't know the persons wife/partner?

would it not be better to support her in finding out how to help her heal from the trauma

The trauma of sleeping with her married ex? Seriously?

@Daphne18 Trauma? She's not had a road traffic accident caused by another driver that's given her repeated nightmares. She willingly chose to sleep with a married man whom she knows the full history of and his current family state. Any upset is self inflicted and quite honestly, she needs to work out why she did it and then ensure she doesn't repeat the experience. What was the point in posting on MN because aside from a few of the usual "he's a pig, not your fault in any way" stuff, it was only ever going to go this way and sometimes a bit of blunt honesty can be a valuable.

Oh she's remorseful...

Oh well, that's ok then

She is clearly making bad decisions as she is feeling low!- the fact that she cried to him shows something is wrong - has she to be hung drawn and quartered for it? - I don't believe so - I say this as someone who has been cheated on

Trauma? Regret maybe but trauma no! She knew his marital status before she shagged him, she didn’t have the shock of discovering afterwards.

You are upset by your own marriage failing and what you went through.....so you sleep with a married man (who is a cheater / user / cunt) and put his marriage at risk.

What a nasty little piece of work you are.

The fact that you are so upset about all this shows it was just a mistake, op and you're in a vulnerable situation right now. His wife will not know about it. Forgive yourself.

You'd be surprised how many people sleep with their ex - exes they were married to.

I hope things improve for you.

Op I think you have gotten enough abuse it's happened - you can't unring a bell - make your peace with it now add stay away from him and this thread is my advice

OMG this could have been me last year and this year right down to the 'one true regret. Thankfully I refused to meet him. My advice is go NC. If you were truly a regret and he wanted to make a go of it with you why is he getting his wife pregnant?

Can't believe people are excusing the OP's behaviour and feeling sorry for her. Appalling.

Imagine if it was a man who posted this. Doubt he'd have people sympathizing because he was feeling "vulnerable".

OP yes it was a shit thing to do but it's done. I'd go NC with him completely.

I'm just astounded men do this so easily with no conscience

You have fucked a married man. Where was your conscience?

OP knew he was a cheating cunt.

Op isn't his victim. She knew he was vulnerable.

I left an abusive marriage last year and have managed to no shag any married men. Even my male friends who I have spoken to about what happened to me.

Ok says she feels awful. Good. She chose this. She should feel bad.

What are the people criticising the op getting out of doing so? - she regrets it - she feels bad - she is clearly low so why make her feel worse?

She expresses very mild regret but overall sounds quite pleased with herself, all that "I was his one that got away" preening.