I’m a mug, aren’t I?

[FeelTheNoize]

Right. Bloody hell.

Ok so DP and I have been together for 4 years. We’ve got a baby together as I have an older son from a previous relationship.

I’ve always worked but he used to earn a lot more than I did, when we first moved in together.

I currently pay for the house, all bills, all shopping, all kids stuff, the car is in my name - everything. He’s chosen to only work 2 days a week because he doesn’t like it and I haven’t seen financial help for months and months.

He bought one vest, a cot and a £50 second hand pram for the baby. I’ve bought everything else. I pay for days out. He pays his own phone bill, but used my spare phone for months that I’d topped up.

I can’t actually drive but I’ve paid for the car and he drives it everywhere. When the baby hated the car seat he refused to take us anywhere so I got the bus and walked with poor health.

If I mention it I’m out of order and when I said he was selfish he called me a vindictive fucking bitch. Whilst I was feeding our baby. He gets so angry all the time. We split up over his temper just before baby was born, he sai he’d work on it but didn’t.

He’s not so much violent to me but will shout and swear and crash about. He “accidentally” threw a toaster at me when I was early pregnant. I’m not allowed to mention that either.

I do everything for the kids and the house. I cook and clean, though it’s never good enough.

He’s just bought himself some new headphones and said last night he’s going on new £40pm supplements.

Tip of the iceberg. Apparently im snappy but if I am it’s because im ducking tired. As for intimacy even if I wasn’t tired I cringe at the thought, because I hate his temper so much.

Am I being a total fucking mug or what?

He’s not so much violent to me but will shout and swear and crash about. He “accidentally” threw a toaster at me when I was early pregnant. I’m not allowed to mention that either.

Yes, yes he is violent. Throwing a toaster at a pregnant woman is an act of violence towards you.

He needs support and my children love him, they don’t see the temper but they have seen him snappy at me. He has nowhere at all to go, when he fucked off before he slept in a park (apparently).

I can’t bear to separate what is largely a happy family. I know I’ve tried all I can but it’s not up to me

Hi OP.

I just want to say, I was your children. Living in a home where shouting and screaming was the order of the day. Things were thrown, threats were made, swearing etc.

Nobody thought it would effect me. I saw and heard it, even though the adults would say I never saw or heard anything.

I'm an adult now and I have a lot of mental health issues. I cannot trust anybody enough to have a secure and loving relationship because of my childhood. I sadly can have anger issues due to it too and the fact it was normalised around me.
When you see adults who were raised and survived such homes, a lot have MH issues and a lot choose the wrong sort of partner. Many girls end up with similar partners, many men end up behaving that way towards their partner.

Imagine a daughter of yours being subjected to what he does to you. Would you think it acceptable?
Imagine a son of yours treating his wife that way. Would you want to see that anger on your son?
If your answer is no, then you know what you have to do. Get help for you and your children. Call women's aid if you are afraid, they'll help you.

Please, if you can't see your worth and value and know you deserve to not be treated this way, then put your children's value first and remove them from this household.