How do I make DH feel better?

[Fellow]

DH is getting himself in a panic about having a baby. He's not worried about actually having the baby but all the other things that goes with it. He is really worried about how we will cope financially and on just one wage. But he's also terrified that something is going to happen to me. He's having nightmares about it. He opened up to me about this a few weeks ago and I shrugged it off. But he had another last night and it's really starting to affect him. Did anyone else feel this strongly? Did your DH feel this way and how do I support him to make him feel better?

Oh fellow you poor thing

Oh my god. I am so sorry OP.

How did you find out? You must be devastated. There's lots of people with great advice if you want to talk.

We went to a friend's wedding last night and everyone was talking about it. He denied it right up until I posted last night. So all our friends know. If I was giving advice to anyone I would say leave him, he will do it again

I’m reall sorry OP, that’s awful. Really awful.

Oh you poor thing, you must be in bits.x

What an absolute bastard.

I am so sorry. He must have known that everybody knew. Why didn't he tell you?

What has he said since?

Look, yes I would give advice that you should leave. That he will do it again. But I totally get that you may not know what to do or that you may not want to ltb. Or have space for now and but stay together long term.

And that's ok. There is no one size fits all answer here. And what ever you need, people here will support you.

Do you have RL support?

That's shit op
How are you feeling today?

OP. How awful for you, such a shock. What a prize cunt he is; TTC whilst having an affair. The ultimate betrayal.

I hope you phoned in sick & are taking care of yourself.

I would have liked to stay at home longer than 9 months but unfortunately we couldn't afford to, or we could have but my partner would have had a lot of stress on his shoulders and we wouldn't have had much left over money.

Sometimes we don't always get what we want. X

ginandnappies please read the thread, it's moved on since then.

Whoops. Sorry OP, that's what I get for being lazy and scanning x

I did not expect that turn! What an arsehole as I could tell from your posts that you were feeling wobbly and guilty. How could he watch you worry about him when he caused this?

Is that how you found out? At the wedding

So sorry OP such a shitty thing to find out, especially when you are pregnant.

You said you have enough to pay the mortgage but then you say you paid for the house?

How did it all come out at a wedding?

The girl he cheated on me with, friend was at the wedding.
He went on a Stag do, took his ring off and gave her a different name and got her number.
Left the club with his friends and went back to the hotel. Started texting her. He then got up and dressed got a taxi to her house. She gave him a blow job but only because she was on her period otherwise they would have gone all the way. I feel so stupid. I have lots of RL support too but i just don't know what to do. I'm still at work

Do you want some space?

If so, message him and tell him to leave the house and give you space. He should understand he needs to give you what you want.

Taking his ring off and giving her a false name means he hoped this would happen and planned this. He didn't just drinking end up back at hers. To me it shows he planned it and wanted to avoid being caught out. Rather than a stupid mistake. That would be what would be likely to stop me moving past him cheating. I would be more likely to forgive a drunken fumble.

Did he know you know a friend of this girl?

I don't think I need the space. I would rather be able to walk into a room and talk to him then walk away as many times as I want, if that makes sense. We have been in contact today and I just feel so angry towards him

He's just saying he will do whatever it takes and he will fix this. We can be fixed and of course he's sorry and will never do it again. Same as they all say really

I'm so sorry, OP.

First things first - do you think you could forgive this; and if so, do you want to try?

I don't think you can fix this - maybe you can repair it; heal the cracks, but I don't think it'll be fixed. It won't be the same; especially given that he only told you because he thought you were going to find out, and initially he let you think this was pregnancy anxiety. Those are not the actions of a sorry man - but neither is how this happened, if that's the true story. He had plenty of opportunity to back out; to think about what he was doing.

When are you at work until?

Oh op I'm so sorry.
I was about to write advice about how to ease his fears but no wonder he's stressed, how despicable he is.
I think the general advice is to take your time here he should be doing everything you want. But I don't know if I'd ever be able to forgive this.

Has he said why he pursued this woman and went to the lengths he did? Why the false name etc?