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Original poster

Friends who only want to see me

75 replies

Kef753 · 10/08/2018 16:20

I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice, kinda feel like I need somewhere to get it off my chest! I’ll try keep it short!

Basically I have 3 uni friends and we hardly see each other as we all live in different parts of the country. I’ve never known them with boyfriends/girlfriends but I had a boyfriend throughout uni and now have a new partner and a one year old. I haven’t seen my friends for years and when my daughter was born I never heard anything from them. I know we’ve drifted apart and I’m actually fine with that but now they’re coming here to see me but they only want to see me.

I was looking forward to catching up with them but since they complained that my partner can look after our daughter so I can see them on my own I’m dreading them coming. They do want to meet my daughter but then expect me to leave her with my partner and just go out with them. I tried telling them we come as a family but they just made me feel guilty that they’re coming to me so I don’t have to travel with everything a baby needs for a weekend!

Am I just being a bitch for not wanting to leave my family for a weekend, I’ve never been one to go out on the town and prefer to chill out at home which is what I though we would do.

OP posts:
Gromance02 · 10/08/2018 16:23

I wouldn't want to travel a distance to see a friend to then just sit in their house. I would assume the same as your friends have - that you'd maybe have a cuppa at yours and then go out just you and your friends.

Cheekyandfreaky · 10/08/2018 16:23

I don’t know, personally I would love a bit of a child-free catch up with friends- I love my children and DH but I miss my friends and the conversation is different when it’s just us.

welshmist · 10/08/2018 16:25

Oh a night out with the girls is great. I would not want my friends to spend all their time with my family, nor would I want to spend my time with theirs.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 10/08/2018 16:26

Kef- I am.speaking someone whose partner of 23 years has left and has another woman. I prioritised him/the family unit over everything and let my friendships wane. Please don't only see yourself as a family unit - keep your individual self too. Go out and leave your DP to it - bonding time for him and DC.

Rachelweasel · 10/08/2018 16:27

Maybe just go out for a meal? I wouldn't want to go out on the town either but a meal seems a compromise. Are they staying with you?

PalePinkSwan · 10/08/2018 16:29

Honestly you can’t expect people who are still in that single, childfree phase of life to want to hang it at your house with your toddler for a weekend.

It’s totally normal and healthy to have some time out just with your friends. Doesn’t have to be the whole weekend.

Butterflycookie · 10/08/2018 16:31

If they haven’t seen you for a while it may be awkward meeting all together at the same time. I wouldn’t want to spend time with a friends partner the whole time especially if I travelled all that way.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 16:34

But they want to catch up with you, mot your DP that they don’t barely know? A firend did that to me once - we arrange to meet for lunch, I wanted to talk about something personal and she brought her husband because he was stressed out with work. He spent all lunch checking his phone and I couldn’t speak as freely as I would have wanted. She thought I should just discussy personal matters with him there Confused

“We come as a unit”? Please.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 16:35

Sorry - “we come as a family”.

LoughingLikeAShark · 10/08/2018 16:36

I love to see my friends' DC, but equally if I'm travelling to see them it's nice to have some grown-up time away from the all-encompassing attention-grabber that is a small child. YABU to expect them to stay at home drinking tea all day with you and your DP, all couples/families benefit from a bit of time apart so you're more than just 'mum' or 'partner'.

ThatFridayFeeling · 10/08/2018 16:44

Sorry OP, I agree with the previous posts - I would not be happy travelling to catch up with friends (remember you're not the only one they will be seeing) and then spending the day sitting around in one persons house. Make the most of it and let your hair down. Also, being blunt here, it's great you wan to spend time with your family but other peoples baby's are not as fascinating as your own, it's not surprising they want to go out for some adult time.

Kintan · 10/08/2018 16:45

I can see their point, having your child and husband there will change the nature of the meet-up. I don’t think they are doing anything wrong. I love hanging out with my husband and son, but wouldn’t expect my friends who don’t have children (or partner with them) to do so.

Luxembourgmama · 10/08/2018 16:48

I have a kid and still only want to see friends alone. My friends understand that if they visit my kid will be there but they don't have to interact if they don't want to and my husband would look after her a little more when friends are visiting so we could go out alone. Other peoples kids are very boring

Trinity66 · 10/08/2018 16:49

You're being a bit weird, they probably want a proper catch up with you not make small talk and baby talk with your DP and child

RatherBeRiding · 10/08/2018 16:50

So they don't know your husband and he doesn't know them?

Fine to drop into yours and all meet each other, but then surely you're don't expect them to sit around all day trying to make idle chat with someone they don't know and interact with a toddler they don't know, and haven't come to visit anyway?

You may be a family now, but you are still your own person and you are allowed to do things/see friends on your own.

I absolutely hate arranging to see someone and they brought along their partner, who I don't really know and don't want to spend time with!

ElspethFlashman · 10/08/2018 16:53

No way am I travelling to have a big catch up with a friend to sit in her house exchanging small talk with her partner all night. No way.

Trinity66 · 10/08/2018 16:54

I absolutely hate arranging to see someone and they brought along their partner, who I don't really know and don't want to spend time with!

Or when you try to have a conversation with someone who has a child with them (I have kids too btw so I'm not anti child) but it's hard to even get a full sentence out in one go, lets be honest

Crinkle77 · 10/08/2018 16:54

So won't you ever do anything by yourself anymore because you now have a family?

KittyHawke80 · 10/08/2018 16:55

Yes. I’ve got three. I’d be on edge all the time worrying my friends were bored to tears sitting around my house - because they would be. You don’t ‘come as a package’ - don’t be bloody absurd. Go to Pizza Express or Wagamama or other mid-price chain. Drink a bit too much Sauvy B. Go home.

Petalflowers · 10/08/2018 16:55

I sense that you,don’t want to,go out clubbing and have a wild night out. That’s far enough. Can you do something a bit less wild? Go,for a meal out in a local pub, Nandoes, etc. Spend sometime with the family, but have some grown up,time also.

Summersup · 10/08/2018 16:57

They don't know your partner. They don't know your baby. It would be lovely for them to say 'hi' to them, but not fun at all for them to sit in and watch you be a family and do family things with them as spectators, how odd that would be! This is an opportunity for you to be yourself outside your family, this doesn't mean you aren't loyal to them or part of that unit, but you can be you and in a family- both are possible.

I think unless you are breastfeeding (and even then you can leave a bottle) this could be a great time for you to stretch your wings a little and go out for a night out without being attached to your family.

happypoobum · 10/08/2018 16:57

I would expect to meet you, be introduced to your DP, get to meet your DD and tell you how cute she is, and then go out for the day with you.

Where are they actually staying? Are they spending the night at a hotel or going back home that night? Are they staying at yours?

I would be really freaked out if I was travelling a long way and then expected to make polite talk and sit in your house. What does your DP say about it? Doesn't he ever see friends without you and your DD? Confused

CocoaGin70 · 10/08/2018 16:58

You're expecting way too much of them. They want to see you, not your partner or even your baby. Go out, and make the most of it.

Theworldisfullofgs · 10/08/2018 17:00

I really hate the fact that whenever I see my friend her dh has to tag along too. It completely restricts the conversation.
It's ok some of the time but not all of the time.

InfiniteVariety · 10/08/2018 17:01

we come as a family

I find this a bit odd - do you never do anything alone?

How about a compromise where they come to your house for a drink, meet the baby and your husband, then you go out with them for dinner leaving your husband to babysit? I know if it was my DH he would prefer this if they are people he barely knows but with whom I have a long history