Partner moving in, what do I charge?!

WhatToDo00 · 2018-08-10T08:27:29+00:00

I own my own little house and have a 15yo DC, small mortgage of £300 pm plus the usual bills. My partner doesn't own but has a largish inheritance. I find talking about money really awkward and have no idea what I should expect/ask them to contribute towards the house once they move in but want to get this discussion done ASAP I don't expect them to pay for my DC obviously so would splitting things three ways and me paying two thirds seem reasonable do you think? We both work full time.

Shoxfordian · 10/08/2018 09:29

150 rent
Plus half of all bills

Maybe do a joint account for food and he can contribute less for that. Work out how much you spend on yourself and ask for the same.

VioletCharlotte · 10/08/2018 09:59

If you find talking about money with your partner awkward, can I gently suggest you may not be ready to move in together?

Just ask him "DP, can we have a chat about how we're going to split the bills, food, etc when you move in?"

HarmlessChap · 10/08/2018 10:01

Half of fixed bills such as council tax, £150 rent. Variable bills such as electric, food, metered water etc. probably start on the basis of a third but keep track of how much they actually go up, make sure its not gone up above a third and revise accordingly if it has. IME a 15 year is at least as costly as an adult but presumably the other parent of your child also contributes to their living costs.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/08/2018 10:06

Honestly I would see a Solicitor and have an Cohabitation Agreement drawn up to reflect both of your needs. Its not romantic by any means but practical for you as a couple.

This sets out who owns what and in what proportion and lets you document how you will split your property, its contents, personal belongings, savings and other assets should the relationship break down. It can also cover how you will support your children, over and above any legal requirements to maintain them, as well as how you would deal with bank accounts, debts, and joint purchases such as a car.

The agreement can also be used to set out how you and your partner will manage your day-to-day finances while you live together, such as how much each contributes to rent or mortgage and bills, and whether you will take out life insurance on each other.

Being realistic when you first get together can save emotional and financial heartache in the future. A living together agreement lets you agree things in a fair way at the outset without the pressures that can arise if a relationship breaks down.

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 10:13

Difficult one.

I normally wouldn't say it's fair for him to pay half the mortgage but since yours is so low and he'd never get anywhere else for £150, I think it's reasonable to ask that.

I'd go for £250 a month, to cover 'rent' and his portion of the bills, including food.

LellyMcKelly · 10/08/2018 10:24

Same as Bibidy. That sounds like a great deal for you both.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/08/2018 10:25

The best way to sort this whole issue out is to have a cohabitation agreement drawn up by a Solicitor.

I was wondering the same thing; are you really ready to move him in with you if you cannot readily if at all talk about money without feeling awkward?

dirtybadger · 10/08/2018 10:32

Well he is going to get a bargain either way, so I wouldn't feel awkward about discussing it. Asking for 250-300 a month including bills (plus food) is less than a room for a student in a shit hole house. Seems reasonable. I don't imagine any part of the country is cheaper than that so he is still paying well below what he would elsewhere. If you realised you were making a profit from it, you could always pay a bit back if it accumulates.

Agree re cohabitation agreement.

HollowTalk · 10/08/2018 10:35

£250 for everything including food? Are you kidding? The OP's council tax will go up by 25% for one thing. Then there's wear and tear. He's not a teenager - he should be paying proper rent.

Original poster

WhatToDo00 · 10/08/2018 11:08

Thanks guys.

I'm just crap with talking about money with anyone! But I will put my adult hat on later and have the discussion, to be fair, they have already asked me how much I want so it won't be too difficult to discuss. I just wasn't sure what would be seen as reasonable so your feedback has helped.

We have also spoken briefly about a legal agreement to protect us both too.

I'm well aware that it is sensible to get this sorted ASAP so will have the discussion this evening.

The other parent is not around so I don't get help from them at all. I'm totally self sufficient.

OP posts:

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 11:10

If he works full time, I wouldn't accept less than £500 a month from any partner (inc food). £500 a month for all your housing, bills, food is a damn good deal! He's benefiting from a fully kitted out home, a partner who will more than likely do things for him! I mean if you are cooking for you and your DC then when he moves in you'll probably cook for him too, and so on.

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 11:22

OP further to my earlier suggestion, I would sit down and work out what you actually spend on the household every month. Including mortgage, bills, food, internet...whatever else is a true household expense. And then I'd go for half or slightly less than half of that. Hopefully your partner will accept that as it seems very fair.

I agree your partner should pay their way, but I'd also be careful that they're not paying more than you, particularly as it's a mortgage situation.

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 11:24

If he works full time, I wouldn't accept less than £500 a month from any partner (inc food). £500 a month for all your housing, bills, food is a damn good deal! He's benefiting from a fully kitted out home, a partner who will more than likely do things for him! I mean if you are cooking for you and your DC then when he moves in you'll probably cook for him too, and so on.

I think £500 a month is way too much when the mortgage is only £300. Essentially OP's partner would be paying the whole mortgage and all of the bills with that amount.

I don't think £500 is an excessive amount to pay to live somewhere by any means, but in this situation I don't think I'd be happy if I moved in with my partner and he wanted to charge me £200 more than his entire mortgage payment.

SillySallySingsSongs · 10/08/2018 11:25

I would speak to a solicitor tbh. If he starts paying directly towards your home then he could have a claim in the future if you were to split.

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 11:37

I don't think 500 is excessive if it includes food:

OP's DC does not pay rent and won't be living in the house for the rest of their life, as hopefully OPs partner will. They'll probably be off to Uni in 3 years. So I think he should pay half the mortgage, that's £150. I'd say £100 a month for all utilities, internet, CT etc. I'd say £200 on food for the month at least. Add an extra £50 to go towards things that need repairing or replacing, say the washing machine packs up, that kind of thing.

SillySallySingsSongs · 10/08/2018 11:41

So I think he should pay half the mortgage, that's £150.

Not that simple though. He could then make a claim on the property if they were to split. OP needs to speak to a solicitor before he moves in.

HarmlessChap · 10/08/2018 11:43

I don't think 500 is excessive if it includes food:

Albeit the OP would be most likely making a profit on their partner moving in and the assumption that the op would be doing things gort their partner comes across more like a lodger than relationship. The new partner (and we haven't been given genders btw) should expect to play an equal role in the household.

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 11:47

OP's DC does not pay rent and won't be living in the house for the rest of their life, as hopefully OPs partner will. They'll probably be off to Uni in 3 years. So I think he should pay half the mortgage, that's £150. I'd say £100 a month for all utilities, internet, CT etc. I'd say £200 on food for the month at least. Add an extra £50 to go towards things that need repairing or replacing, say the washing machine packs up, that kind of thing.

I'm not really considering the DC in this, but more what is fair to request a partner to pay when the actual cost of living in the house is so little.

I think anything that far exceeds the actual mortgage payment is not really fair, since OP's partner has no interest in the house.

Basically I don't think the DP should end up paying more than OP pays to live in the house, and if they were asked to pay £500, it's unlikely OP's expenditure would match that on the other side of things, given that amount would likely cover both the whole mortgage and the bills.

If I were moving in, I'd expect to pay no more than half of my partner's current expenses. If he wanted to charge me his whole mortgage payment and then some, I would feel pretty miffed and taken advantage of (not saying you're doing this OP! Just an example).

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 11:53

Maybe I've just seen too many friends taken advantage of in these types of scenarios that it skews my view! But my point is, the partner moving in with OP will be benefiting from many things, cheap lodgings being one of them! Should OP not benefit at all? Why should the partner just "pay for themselves" when moving in together is surely supposed to be a partnership?

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 11:58

Should OP not benefit at all? Why should the partner just "pay for themselves" when moving in together is surely supposed to be a partnership?

OP should definitely benefit as well! For sure.

But I'd say the benefit should be that her expenses are halved as her partner is moving in and contributing, rather than that she passes essentially all of the fixed expenses for the household over to her partner, which would pretty much be the case if she went for £500.

I'd definitely start at half of everything as a starting point.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 10/08/2018 12:02

Don't base this on the mortgage!

Work out all your outgoings, factor in the increase in costs (council tax, bills, food) and make sure he pays at least half - ideally a decent bit on top so that you can put that towards your mortgage, pension, savings or whatever you need for your security.

Think about whether you will be sharing the car etc.

Look at what he's paying now in rent as well. He will be saving a lot of money by moving in with you and you should both benefit.

Set a review date to discuss how its going. Diarise this now so that it doesn't feel like you are raising a grievance when you come to discuss it.

userxx · 10/08/2018 12:09

Definitely see a solicitor to protect yourself.

drquin · 10/08/2018 12:10

This is the kind of situation where it's about more than just whether half of £300 plus bills is fair.

The mortgage (and one would assume, accompanying bills) is relatively low .... which might be the red herring here. Because if paying say £250 per month allowed the new partner to save say £1000 per month .... who gets the benefit of savings? New partner because it's his spare money? Or joint between both OP and new partner as it's now joint enterprise? Where does new partner's inheritance- mentioned by OP in context of not owning a house - fit in to the bigger picture?
Hence agreeing that the a formal cohabitation agreement is a good idea.

Changedname3456 · 10/08/2018 12:31

But presumably the OP is ALSO able to save more by having some of the bills paid here AND she has the security of the house / mortgage which her DP doesn’t / won’t have.

In almost every post where a female OP is the one moving in to an established house, she is told she shouldn’t contribute anything to it without getting a share of the equity. Seems that doesn’t consistently apply on this board (surprise )

And as for the inheritance, why would she be entitled to any of that?

Maybe, down the line, they will decide to meld their finances but, whilst that’s not yet on the cards, I think he’d be crazy to pay towards a mortgage he’s getting no benefit from and putting himself in a situation where he has no security of tenure.

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 12:33

Because if paying say £250 per month allowed the new partner to save say £1000 per month .... who gets the benefit of savings? New partner because it's his spare money? Or joint between both OP and new partner as it's now joint enterprise?

It's so interesting to read this thread and see how different people view this!

It honestly wouldn't even cross my mind to consider that what I was saving in moving in should be part of the equation and influence what I paid to my partner to live there.

I would consider half of my partner's current expenses to be completely fair, regardless of whether that saved me £1000 on what I was paying before.