Page 2 | Partner moving in, what do I charge?!

WhatToDo00 · 2018-08-10T08:27:29+00:00

I own my own little house and have a 15yo DC, small mortgage of £300 pm plus the usual bills. My partner doesn't own but has a largish inheritance. I find talking about money really awkward and have no idea what I should expect/ask them to contribute towards the house once they move in but want to get this discussion done ASAP I don't expect them to pay for my DC obviously so would splitting things three ways and me paying two thirds seem reasonable do you think? We both work full time.

HollowTalk · 10/08/2018 12:33

But the mortgage is only £300 now because the OP's been paying it for decades! Why should he walk in and benefit from this? This is a time when SHE should be benefiting from it - it's nothing to do with him. If she was paying £1,300 for her mortgage would you suggest half, and if she'd paid it off would you say he shouldn't pay anything?

And I think her son should be compensated for sharing his home, too.

HollowTalk · 10/08/2018 12:34

But he is moving into a home where everything has been paid for by the OP. It's not a rental property. She's bought her sofas and carpets and beds etc. Why should he just have free use? They'll wear out much faster with him being there.

HollowTalk · 10/08/2018 12:35

How much rent does he pay at the moment?

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 12:36

*But the mortgage is only £300 now because the OP's been paying it for decades! Why should he walk in and benefit from this? This is a time when SHE should be benefiting from it - it's nothing to do with him. If she was paying £1,300 for her mortgage would you suggest half, and if she'd paid it off would you say he shouldn't pay anything?

And I think her son should be compensated for sharing his home, too.*

Her son should be compensated for sharing his home?! WOW.

Yes OP has been possibly been paying the mortgage for decades but she also retains the entire benefit of that, ie. she owns the property while he partner has no rights to it.

OP will still benefit as her partner will move in and take on a portion of her expenses, thereby saving them both money.

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 12:38

But he is moving into a home where everything has been paid for by the OP. It's not a rental property. She's bought her sofas and carpets and beds etc. Why should he just have free use? They'll wear out much faster with him being there.

Yeah but then presumably new partner will chip in for the replacements as and when?!

I would never in a million years ask my partner to move in with me and then base their contributions on how much I've spent to furnish the place before they even lived there. Surely the joint responsibility/payments start from when they move in?

HollowTalk · 10/08/2018 12:43

I'm not saying that - I'm saying to charge him half of your mortgage, when your mortgage is only £300, is just silly. He wouldn't be able to share a box room in a grotty flat for that - why should he pay that to live with the OP in her house?

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 12:48

I'm not saying that - I'm saying to charge him half of your mortgage, when your mortgage is only £300, is just silly. He wouldn't be able to share a box room in a grotty flat for that - why should he pay that to live with the OP in her house?

Well....because that's what it costs, albeit a small amount?

I get your point that new partner is getting a great deal, but I wouldn't expect someone in a couple to charge their other half market rates to move in together as if they were a housemate or lodger.

I think when two partners move in together there should be equal contribution from both, rather than the original inhabitant passing essentially all of the household expenses onto their partner because the amount is in line with what they'd have to pay if they lived elsewhere.

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 13:01

It is interesting actually to see all the different views. It confirms that finances should be discussed before any couple move in together as you could be on totally different pages. I definitely don't charge a partner market rates. I've had a lodger and he paid me £600 a month for room and bills only. He bought all his own food. 'Did all his own cooking, washing etc. So for me to charge a partner £500 where food is provided and they benefit from me still doing the lions share of the household stuff, then they are getting a good deal.

I think with me I would always want to err on the side of caution and risk overcharging, than undercharging. If I found there was then an excess of cash, my partner and I could decide if we wanted to save or spend it etc. Whereas if you undercharge and then realise it's a struggle, that makes things very difficult.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 10/08/2018 13:02

Actually I think there is something to explore around compensating the son. It has got to work for everyone. It doesn't have to be explicitly to do with the new partners arrival, but maybe a bedroom makeover or some technical upgrades around the home.

drquin · 10/08/2018 13:03

Maybe, down the line, they will decide to meld their finances but, whilst that’s not yet on the cards,

But surely that's the big question ..... are they mixing / joining finances now? If genuinely not, then I'd say he pays a straight share of bills. But he's not just renting a room, so at what point does the melding of finances actually happen? It's possibly going to be a gradual process, so as long as each is aware of what's happening when, it should be OK ..... not being aware is the issue.

(And absolutely it should be the same advice to whatever combination of partners are involved)

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 13:08

or some technical upgrades around the home

Interesting you say this! My DCs were in their early 20s when my ex moved in. I had a boxy old TV (I kept stubbornly insisting it was perfectly adequate!) and he went out and bought a big smart TV for the living room. Ok, he wanted it too but it benefited everyone! He also was able to get a lot of tech at cut rates, due to his job and over the years my DCs got new phones and laptops etc.

It does change things for the DC when a partner moves in so I see that it is nice for them to benefit in some way too.

My Ex turned out to be an ass in other ways, but I can honestly say he always contributed well to the household.

FinallyHere · 10/08/2018 13:16

who will more than likely do things for him

I would want to have a wider discussion about how things will work around here, who does what as well as who pays what. Start as you mean to go on, rather than start by 'doing things for him' then wake up one day feeling resentful that chores are not shared equally. 5be time to have these discussions is exactly before they have moved in.

And, as a PP had said, anyone who is not ready to have that sort of conversation is probably not ready to move in.

category12 · 10/08/2018 13:20

Go the legal route, you presumably don't want him to gain a claim on your home, so get proper advice, don't wing it or rely on good will.

HarmlessChap · 10/08/2018 13:23

There are lots of he's and she's being stated in the replies but the OP has been totally gender neutral in their posts.

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 13:25

I've had a lodger and he paid me £600 a month for room and bills only. He bought all his own food. 'Did all his own cooking, washing etc. So for me to charge a partner £500 where food is provided and they benefit from me still doing the lions share of the household stuff, then they are getting a good deal.

But food isn't 'provided', it's bought with the money that both partners contribute? And who's to say it won't be the partner who moves in that takes over the weekly shop?

I would definitely feel it unfair to be charged £500 when I know that that's way more than my partner currently pays. It would make me question their motives in wanting me to move in if I saw it that I was now shouldering the whole of the living expenses.

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 13:28

I never really understand why people are reluctant to say if it is a female partner. It really doesn't make any difference. But when I'm writing a response it is just easier to write "he/she", it doesn't flow naturally for me to write "they".

Original poster

WhatToDo00 · 10/08/2018 13:28

My monthly cost of running the house is just short of £600, without food obviously. It wouldn't seem fair to me to ask for more than half of that.

A cohabitation agreement was what we have spoken about just didn't know what it was called.

All prepared for the convo tonight.

Isn't love romantic

OP posts:

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 13:32

It's good you're getting it all agreed before moving in though. Too many people move in without discussing any of these things and that's where you then have problems.

burnoutbabe · 10/08/2018 13:35

The way I did it (own home, mortgage paid off) was just to charge 50% of bills plus we have a joint credit card we use to pay for food/nights out and I then split that 50% when bill comes in.
No payment of rent so no claim he is paying towards mortgage.
He gets a good deal but we agreed he'd save the £500 rent saved into a savings account and then he could use that towards buying s place together in future, or to get a new place if I kicked him out with 2 weeks notice. 8 years later he has a good chunk saved up!

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 13:43

I think your original plan sounds very fair OP, although I'd go 50/50 rather than 2/3 because of your DC :) Good luck with your chat.

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 13:47

But burnoutbabe, now he has that good chunk saved up, how would you feel if he took it all and ran off with another woman? Would that not piss you off in the slightest? Obviously I'm not saying he's going to do that! But I think people need to be just a little bit selfish because you can never ever trust a partner 100%

TeachesOfPeaches · 10/08/2018 14:00

Don't let him pay the mortgage OP as he then has a claim to your house.

Bibidy · 10/08/2018 14:01

But burnoutbabe, now he has that good chunk saved up, how would you feel if he took it all and ran off with another woman? Would that not piss you off in the slightest? Obviously I'm not saying he's going to do that! But I think people need to be just a little bit selfish because you can never ever trust a partner 100%

Surely that's a whole other issue though!

Presumably if burntoutbabe has paid off her mortgage she's in a similar position to her boyfriend and is also able to save a chunk if she so chooses?

I don't think she could really charge her boyfriend X amount in rent when he knows she's paying nothing.

swingofthings · 10/08/2018 14:01

Personally, I would start by asking what he thinks is fair. Then have in your mind what you think is fair. If he agrees to the same, great. If he agrees to more, you can agree to put the difference in a joint pot and use to go out. If he suggest less, tell him what you'd expected. He will either say that this is fine, or you agree to something in the middle.

I personally think that if you are not comfortable having this discussion and dealing with potential disagreement, you are not ready to move in together anyway, as disagreements you are bound to have when you do and if you can't discuss these without anger or resentment, then it is not going to go well anyway.

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 14:03

Well all of this just makes me even more glad I rent! Makes life much simpler!