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Original poster

Should I tell the other mans wife ?

55 replies

whatdoidonowffs · 09/08/2018 06:26

Or is it just sour grapes that is making me want to ruin his life like mine has been ?

Wife has been having an affair since Christmas OM is married with two young boys
Just fuming about how unfair it is he gets to keep his wife children and Home while I’m losing all mine

Sorry to sound whiney but it’s one of those days 😔

OP posts:
SmellMyBeads · 09/08/2018 06:31

Sorry to hear about your situation Sad

I'd tell him. But do it in person, not via message/Facebook etc. He deserves to know.

whymewhyme · 09/08/2018 06:38

Yes it is sour grapes however he deserves to know

LellyMcKelly · 09/08/2018 06:38

Yes, if I was in her shoes I’d want to know. She may already know and not be bothered, but she should have all the information.

SmellMyBeads · 09/08/2018 06:39

Whoops *she

RedPill · 09/08/2018 06:40

Personally I wouldn't tell the other wife, you don't know what "arrangements" they have in their marriage and your main reason is to cause pain

Barbaro · 09/08/2018 06:46

Tell her, she deserves to know what her husband has been doing.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 09/08/2018 06:54

Your motivation to tell her is to fuck his life up, not to help her, but you’ll be helping her anyway, so you should. BUT try to remember she’s in your position, so do it as kindly as you can for HER sake, not his.

She does have a right to know.

whiteroseredrose · 09/08/2018 06:56

In her shoes I'd want to know too.

thebird93 · 09/08/2018 06:56

If it was me I'd thank you for being honest and letting me know. So tell her and be kind and let her know you thought it was better for her to know than be lied to any longer.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 09/08/2018 07:12

I agree, it is sour grapes - the reason of you wanting to tell her.
However, I believe you really should tell her. I would want to know if my husband was cheating, no matter who was telling me the information.
Do you know her? Is it possible to make contact not through facebook etc? If you send her a message to ask her to meet with you, she will possibly tell her husband she has received a message from some bloke etc, he will know it is you and will talk her out of meeting you.

Whatever you decide, I am sorry you have been hurt. Be kind to yourself.

0to3sadonions · 09/08/2018 07:19

I was told of my husbands affair by the OWs husband. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I owe my new life to that man.

Tell her. She deserves to know. Your motivation doesn’t matter, it’s the right thing to do.

Notmany · 09/08/2018 07:24

How will it really help you OP? Destroying OM's marriage just makes it more likely that he'll shack up with your wife.

HollyGibney · 09/08/2018 07:26

I don't know if it's the right thing to do but I probably would.

Zoflorabore · 09/08/2018 07:27

Hi op- so sorry this has happened to you.

Do you know the other party at all?

I absolutely would tell them in your situation. If nothing else, they should know that they are married to a lying cheat and then what they do going forward is up to them.

Keep your head held highFlowers

Trialsmum · 09/08/2018 07:38

I would, why would you keep their dirty little secret?

Thebluedog · 09/08/2018 07:49

I never told the OW husband, to this day they are still blissfully (ok I made that bit up, I don’t actially know if they are blissful) happy, and this is 8 years down the road.

Whereas I struggled on with my now ex, for 3 years and ultimately had a really shit time of it, before getting divorced and all the crap that comes with it. The one thing I do regret is not telling everyone that he’d cheated and also not telling her husband. I took, what I thought was the moral high ground), but looking back I do regret not telling him.

Original poster
whatdoidonowffs · 09/08/2018 07:54

No I don’t know either of them it’s a guy she works with
I found his wife’s name on Facebook
I’m just worried if I tell her things will get nasty with my wife and she could affect my relationship with my daughter
My wife has given me the its not him that is causing us to split story maybe not but it certainly hasn’t helped things

OP posts:
user1497991628 · 09/08/2018 07:55

I would tell her. By message is fine, but please don’t do't anonymously, I’m still plagued by who sent me mine.

It was awful. But confirmed what I really knew, and that I wasn’t mad.

💐 for you. It’s a horrible situation.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 09/08/2018 08:13

I wouldn't want to know. The OM may well think that the affair with your wife was a mistake and now try to have a good marriage. It would be much harder to achieve if his wife is hurt by your information. But I do understand if hers and his feelings are the least of your concerns.

TokenGinger · 09/08/2018 08:20

Mandala as if he gives a shit about the OM achieving a happy marriage! His wife deserves to know, rather than be in a marriage that’s a sham! She deserves to know the full truth before making the decision as to whether she wants to be in the marriage or not.

Original poster
whatdoidonowffs · 09/08/2018 09:26

😄 I can’t see him thinking it was a mistake they’re still going about their affair like lovestruck teenagers
Plus he’s having the best of everything 😳

OP posts:
Barbaro · 09/08/2018 09:49

They are still at it?!

Definitely tell her. That poor woman, can't believe some people say don't tell her. She deserves to know, god knows if he is shagging other woman and passing stds along to her.

Get yourself a good lawyer op and you won't have to worry about not seeing your kid. She betrayed you, not the other way around, she has no reason or right to say no to access.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 09/08/2018 10:06

Absolutely you should tell her.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 09/08/2018 10:09

Personally I wouldn't tell the other wife, you don't know what "arrangements" they have in their marriage and your main reason is to cause pain This one always makes me laugh. If they have an "arrangement" it won't cause pain and open marriages are uncommon enough that she's unlikely to be offended that you didn't know.

crispysausagerolls · 09/08/2018 10:16

I would tell her! Absolutely!

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