3 awful years studying to become a Mental Health Nurse. Now question my own mental health and now my dd's :( I am not going to work in the profession, could really use some advice on what to do now?

[Bubblesandcake]

Long story short - I am a single parent and tonight was the final straw. I need some advice if anyone can offer some, I would appreciate it.
I almost left last year (2nd year) to work in a nursery but financially can't afford it. I have not enjoyed placements and struggled juggling everything. I get no support from my ex so pay the mortgage alone and juggle the childcare myself. Blamed all of the above so carried on. I can't begin to explain the hurdles I have overcome to reach this point (6 months to go). I can't give up now! However I don't want to be a mental health nurse. The more I am involved in, the more depressed I am. I have questioned this, spoke to other students who haven't like placements or tge uni experience but they want to continue. I really do not.
My one dd is struggling at school, is over weight (Im really trying to help her) and tonight my youngest told me she hears voices that aren't very nice (maybe triggered from some kind of trauma? I can't think of anything that has happened). For the last 2 weeks all I have done is sit working on my dissertation. I feel guilty. What if I have not been there emotionally for them? This degree has taken every bit of me. I'm not happy. It appears my children aren't either. The whole point of doing it was to gain a career to enable me to be financially stable for my dd's. I feel lost and helpless. I don't even want to be a nurse anymore. I just don't know which way to go.

It must be an incredibly tough profession to work in. There is no shame in admitting it's not for you. I am not a healthcare professional but I would have thought mental health has got to be one of the most difficult and demanding areas to work in.

Can you transfer to another area of healthcare? You will have so many transferable skills, your degree won't be wasted.

It's very difficult. I do not feel I have the emotional strength to work within mental health. Or to take on such responsibilities. I can't transfer my degree but hoping it helps with gaining a job that can make me and my dd's financially secure.
I feel like I have worked so hard. I hope not for nothing. I feel I have been emotionally unavailable for the whole time. Always stressed and hardly ever happy.

Please talk to someone at your Uni/work - I am sure they will have a counsellor you can see. It is not unusual to feel the way you are feeling at this point. You are under a lot of stress and need support. Please do not make any final decisions until you have had the chance to discuss with someone who understands and is impartial.

Working as a mental health nurse can be a very varied role. I am sure there is one that suits you (even if your placements have not been great).

Hi OP,

I feel your pain! I too have recently been studying part-time, whilst holding down a full-time job.

It has taken me 6 years to complete my degree and I nearly gave up twice. I'm proud to say I graduated in July. Don't give up now! The degree itself will be worth a lot on your CV and you can use it to do something else.

Remember how far you've come with no support! Just think about what you can now go on to achieve.

Please speak to your uni, they will gave counsellors that can give you extra support.

Good luck

Don't give up. I've been exactly where you are, trying to finish my degree, work to pay the mortgage and juggling childcare with no partner. It will be worth completing just for sheer pride in your achievement. My son said to me how proud he was that I did what I did and what an example it was to him! That was fifteen years ago and now he's in his late 20s. Your degree can open doors for you, good luck and well done so far

I work in mental health. Don't know where you're based but in London - which is where I'm from - there's a massive shortage of RMNs. So if you qualify you'll be in huge demand. There are sooo many different types of job you could do, in so many different types of setting, there's bound to be a role you feel ok with and you could earn a lot too, if you wanted to go the agency route, you could make £30 per hour. Remember, most jobs are hard - working in a nursery would be hard and badly paid! And mental health is super-interesting as well as stressful. Good luck

Please continue and get the degree. As pp's say, it's invaluable.

You're the expert in yourself and your children. Have you tried thinking about the different aspects of a role that you would like - e.g. working alone or part of a team, degree of autonomy, degree of routine vs variety, proactive or reactive,what aspects of working with people you enjoy most etc... and then see if that guides you towards certain roles or sectors. If you're still keen to work with people there will be lots of opportunities which can make use of your knowledge, skills and experience outside of NHS.
You mention your DD hearing voices, have you seen the Voice Collective website (www.voicecollective.co.uk)? Sorry I don't know how to make the link clickable.

Thankyou all. I just couldn't sleep last night. I have trouble getting to sleep too. I worry about talking to my uni as they might tell me I'm not fit to continue. I can't give up now, I need it to be over desperately.
Nubrian22 well done. That's a long time. I'm in my 5th year (2 uear foundation degree first), it's truly exhausting physically and mentally. I honestly don't know myself anymore.
Joe66 well done. I know I can't give up.
I'm based in South Wales and the government have decided to start a streaming line for newly qualified. Healthboards put jobs up and we choose 4. Answer 5 questions and scored. The jobs are basically the ones they can't fill. They're ones I do not want (mainly acute and older adult dementia), only 5 jobs for my healthboard. People are not happy.
I won't give up, I have worked too hard. The only thing that keeps me going is my pride and the hope the degree sets me up somewhere with good opportunities. I have looked on charity sites. MIND are piloting a position in schools. I would love this but only 20k. I love working with young adults and children and helping families. I like the therapy side. It's difficult to find a position as a nurse in children's mental health but something in the 2nd or 3rd sector maybe. I would just be on less money.
Thankyou and thankyou for the link. I have woken up thinking I need to really look into this, it's worrying. I'm stepping away from my uni work today.

Hi again OP, it sounds as though you can see potential roles that would suit you and be highly relevant to your MH training. In the geographic area I'm in more and more services which once were seen as statutory services are being delivered by 3rd sector organisations, and there is supposedly an increased recognition for more mental health support for children and young people, so potentially lots of opportunities, and perhaps a range of salaries and potential progression, but certainly not as defined as NHS.

If you do consider 3rd sector, perks so also explore the hours required to keep your nursing registration once you have obtained it (e.g. through bank shifts).

Take care and have fun with your DDs

Aagh * perhaps also not perks so also!

Keep going OP. I am am RGN now in education. It's really tough, especially for "mature" students with other commitments. There are lots of jobs you will be able to do that are not the typical ",mental health nurse". Plus you're experiences of touching it out will make you an even better health care professional as you will really understand the struggles of others.KOKO

• toughing it out

Hey OP: have you posted before, the back ground sounds fmailiar.

I am a nurse, I now work in nurse recruitment (finding jobs for nurses). You have done really really well, and are on the home straight. You have loads of opportunities once you qualify not just in the clinical setting.

My advice, find a job that consolidates your degree for 1 year max. Then look at alternative options to the NHS/ private sector.

You have sales rep, research jobs, teaching, online tutoring, jobs for assesing patients ability to return to work etc. The opportunities for you are endless, and don't necessarily mean you have to work in a Psychiatric unit.

One great role you could do, is re train in aesthetics. You can then work for yourself. It costs a little bit to do the course, but you could be your own boss.

About your DD that is hearing voices etc, how old is she? Might just be part of her developement. About the DD that is overwieght, does school have any input or have you got advice form your practice nurse?

Chin up, you are very nearly there.

Another "keep going" from me. Get the damn thing finished and then you can start tackling the problem of how to use it. You can't solve everything all at the same time. Nobody can force you as a mental health nurse - you will definitely have acquired transferrable skills.

Hi OP. I'm a rmn and I HATED my training and placements. However I love my job, it's very different when you are not trying to juggle it with the academic idiocy of the course. Mental health is a huge field so there will be an area that works for you. I ha e since done a lot of other trainings and requalifed but it was being an RMN that opened other doors. Keep going xx

Hello and thankyou. I need to work 450 hours over 3 years I do believe. Not sure I'd have the confidence to work on bank. I'm hoping there are lots of opportunities within the 3rd sector.
I feel like I won't be able to work on an acute ward or dementia ward for a year. I really really don't like it. The thought of it. I just can't.
I have posted before. It was when I wanted to leave last year. I have really tried. I am really holding on by a thread. I'm glad there may be opportunities for me. I don't want it all to be a waste of time.
My dd is 10. I have been talking to her about it, trying to understand what is happening. She sleeps in with her sister who is 13 and for the past 2 months wants to sleep in with me. I have allowed her to but not every night. Bed times are a nightmare. I might have to allow her to. I ha e been to my eldest dd's school a couple of times regarding her being bullied. We have been walking lots through the summer. Posted about this too and had lots of advice.
Thankyou all, really appreciate your messages.

OP - there is no way your Uni will stop you finishing the course. Lots of people need more support during their degrees - especially single working Mums! Just tell your tutor you’d like to speak to someone - counselling should be free and is confidential - so you don’t have to tell your tutor the details - just say stress of exams and family stuff. The counsellor will only break confidentiality if there is a risk of harm to you or anyone else (e.g. if you tell your counsellor you drink heavily at work or if they think you are in danger or taking your life).

It always amazes me how reluctant people who work in mental health are to seek help for themselves. You are not superwoman - you are allowed support.

You are so nearly there, and you are an amazing role model for your kids. If you can do this, they can do anything, too.

Can your GP refer to a dietician or slimming world etc to help your DD? I hope your other DD gets professional support regarding the voices.

Nursery work really is no picnic. I’d hate for you not to finish your degree and then be stuck. Big hugs, you can totally do this!

Thrice - thankyou. Really struggling. So yes, you are right, I think I will look today. I just can't think straight. I am scared my dd's are now finding things difficult.

3out thankyou. I mentioned dietician to my dd and she felt embarrassed going. I have tried to focus on fun activities (walking, tennis, swimming) and stopped buying rubbish. It's still a struggle but I am trying. I'm really not sure what to do about my youngest dd. I have agreed for her to sleep in my bed for a while and she appears happier about that.

I also let 10-year old dd sleep in my bed when life is getting to her. If your dd can get comfort from something like this, I think it's all to the good.

Have a look at public health nursing (school nursing/health visiting) OP, I know people working in that area with mental health degrees. There is a big drive towards mental health and emotional well-being in that area at the moment. More family friendly hours too.

With regard to the voices that your dd is hearing, schools are doing some work on self-talk at the moment and the negative or positive things we say to ourselves. When they go back it might be worth talking to them about small group support. My dd (similar age) was hearing voices and seeing things earlier this year, turned out it was linked to anxiety and problems getting to sleep. I was like she was having dream states even during the day because she was so tired. When we unpicked it and changed her sleep environment so that she was able to get better sleep it all changed. I hope you can use the summer to get to the bottom of it all.

Speak to your tutors, you are so nearly there even if you don't work in that field having a degree shows that you can work hard and be consistent. You might be able to take some time out then come back and complete.

Hi,

I remember your post from last year and I was encouraging you to keep going.

I'm at the end of my 2nd year and I'm just not enjoying the "academic side of my learning experience". I enjoy placement, seeing patients, caring for them seeing them go home and the palliative patients - keeping them comfortable in their last week's/days/hours. But after I've spent an entire week doing this, I'm too exhausted to pick up books and start writing assignments. I was on the verge of quitting because I just couldn't engage my brain to write the assignments. (I already have a degree - so I know how to write assignments just too tired). After a conversation with my personal tutor, I've asked to step down and retake the 2nd year. I'm just waiting for this to agreement to be formalised.

My mental health has suffered due to my feelings of failure and being inadequate. It was only when I opened up and spoke to other students in my group that I realised how many people felt the same.

I'm sharing this with you so you realise you're not alone. It's really really important that you seek support irl. This degree is so so so hard and completely life changing. I feel like less of a failure and for the first time in 6 months I can breath. I don't plan to stay in a traditional nursing role for a long list of reasons. But with my recent decision I feel hopeful again about my future career prospects.

Keep going and finish your degree it will open up lots of opportunities for you. please seek out support for yourself and your daughter from your gp and university please please don't suffer in silence. xx

Hi OP, the Voice Collective website is for children and young people and their families. It's a Mind website from a Mind group in London, and includes lots of useful information as well as distraction and coping techniques. From memory, it builds on the work of Marius Romm and Sandra Escher - Dutch psychologists who have been working in this area for 20+ years.