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Original poster

How often does your partner “treat” you?

67 replies

Sailinghappy · 08/08/2018 21:37

Or do you treat them? By treat, I mean paying for a meal out or buying a gift for example. My friend thinks it’s odd that my husband doesn’t really treat me, we actually have a lovely lifestyle and eat out often/ nice holidays etc but we pay for everything 50-50 or sometimes he lays and I buy the next one. Her husband pays for all meals out and also “treats” her to expensive gifts. I have largely the same expensive items (similar perfumes/ makeup/ bags/ jewellery) as her but I buy them for myself (I earn considerably more than my friend - is that a factor?) . Also, on birthdays / Christmas me and husband buy gifts of the same value for each other whereas she buys a token gift for husband and he splashes on her. What do other people do? Is it just linked to who earns the most in the relationship? Me and husband are happy as it is in any case, just wondering if we are indeed odd 😂😂😂

OP posts:
FleeBee · 08/08/2018 21:44

My DH doesn't treat me. Our money goes on house, bills, DC
There's nothing spare afterwards

NorthEndGal · 08/08/2018 21:46

I'm a kept woman, so dh pays for everything.

TokyoSushi · 08/08/2018 21:47

We very much have joint money, all goes into one pot and you can have whatever you want. However sometimes, like tonight, DH had £10 in his wallet and gave it to me to get some magazines for a long train journey I have tomorrow.

Yes it's joint money, and I could have had them anyway but it's nice that he thought of it anyway.

pitterpatterrain · 08/08/2018 21:50

We don’t really treat, or, it doesn’t really matter as it is all coming from the same pot anyhow

So perhaps some thanks is due when DH gets his card for the joint account out first to pay?

We’re not really big gift givers

InDubiousBattle · 08/08/2018 21:51

Me too North, dp pays for everything. I suppose he buys me flowers quite often but big flashy gifts etc is just not something we've ever done.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2018 21:51

We don't really treat each other, other than usual gifts for birthday or Xmas. We pay for meals out with either the joint account or our own accounts, there is little rhyme or reason to it. It's really whatever card comes to hand or who can be arsed.

We both earn good wages so we just buy what we fancy when we fancy within reason.

I'd assume your friends salary has something to do with it. Is it a lot less than her husbands? Do they not have a joint account, where things like meals are paid for? Does he perceive his salary as his only?

JustHereForThePooStories · 08/08/2018 21:52

We both work, earn similar amounts, and treat each other regularly. We have separate accounts, but high incomes so have a nice amount each at the end of the month and don’t really need to pool money.

In the past week, he’s treated me to dinner out, flowers, and a few little random treats. I’ve bought him a magazine, some surprise beers, and aftershave. So it probably works out fairly even really.

We tend to be quite extravagant at Christmas and birthdays.

We’re quite good to ourselves each other.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2018 21:55

I do find the concept of your husband paying for dinner as "treating " you.

We just go out to dinner together. No one is treating anyone, I'm genuinely bemused by the concept of it Confused

anotherangel2 · 08/08/2018 21:56

We each have the same amount of pocket money so only small treats eg flowers.

I would imagine big gift givers exist in relationships where money is not shared. I would rather have equal access to the money.

CocoaGin70 · 08/08/2018 21:57

DH runs his own business, and I have a minor role within it so he's the main earner and always has been. He is very generous with gifts/treats and I try to treat him to things too which he always really appreciates. To me though it's not the value of the gift or treat but the sentiment behind it that matters. I'm as happy with a cup of tea being made for me or unloading the dishwasher as getting a new handbag.

QuoadUltra · 08/08/2018 21:58

We don’t treat each other with money because our cash is basically pooled.

We do treat each other with cups of tea, lifts, making meals, doing the cleaning and so on.

LellyMcKelly · 08/08/2018 21:59

We both earn money so we treat each other. Most of the treats are weekends away, meals or concert tickets - experiences rather than things. Neither of us are particularly interested in shoes or handbags.

userxx · 08/08/2018 21:59

Treats go both ways. I couldn't be treated to things and not do the same in return, it would feel unequal.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2018 22:00

I would imagine big gift givers exist in relationships where money is not shared. I would rather have equal access to the money

This is my concern for the ops friend. That money isn't shared, she lives on s much more meagre income than her husband, so as such sees them going out to dinner as him treating her. When really it should just be them going out to dinner.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2018 22:02

He is very generous with gifts/treats and I try to treat him to things too which he always really appreciates

Do you not have equal "pocket money" each? Equal financial power?

ParkheadParadise · 08/08/2018 22:02

I don't work. I have my own account to buy what I like with.DH's birthday presents or whatever I want to buy him.
DH definitely treats me more than I do him.
Meals out and holidays come out the joint account.

Original poster
Sailinghappy · 08/08/2018 22:03

@bluntness100 It’s just a turn of phrase as I explained, I’m just asking if you pool money/ split the bill/ one partner pays for the meal etc. I’m sure whatever we all do, we all enjoy our meals with husband exactly the same 👍

OP posts:
flyingsaucersherbet · 08/08/2018 22:03

Me and dp don’t live together and his income is considerably higher than mine, and he’s considered wealthy by most standards. He pays for all meals etc, but I try and get Little coffees or things for him. I also grab a weekly shop / ingredients for meals which I will cook for us.

He sees my car as his to look out for, so he MOT’s it, pays for parts etc. He’s just paid for me and Ds to go on holiday.

Materially I am very lucky as he buys me gifts all the time too, but I try and reciprocate as much as I can. He gets massages / foot rubs / I clean his house for him etc - ways I show I care in none monetary ways. If I see something he would like o try and get it for him - but he’s hard to buy for as he just gets what he wants anyway!

CantankerousCamel · 08/08/2018 22:04

We don’t really have the money but he cooks for me nearly every day
gives me a long lie in every Saturday and the second lie in if the baby is a nightmare through the night

He brings me a coffee in bed every morning after taking the baby from 5.30 -7am so I can sleep in.

I consider myself immeasurably lucky to have a man who has made making me happy a priority every day rather than focusing on the every now and again treats that would be so nice, if we were loaded Grin

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2018 22:06

Op, ok that puts a different spin on it.

So does your friend have equal money in the relationship or does she have to exist on much less than her husband? Ie does he have all the financial power?

Or are you saying rhey have equal but he spends what he has on her? But not she spends her half on her?

Sorry it's not clear. And it's quite an important differentiator.

Somerville · 08/08/2018 22:09

Earnings during a marriage are joint, so I wouldn’t considering it ‘treating’ if DH spent lots of money on me - he’d be spending our joint money.

Original poster
Sailinghappy · 08/08/2018 22:10

Ye I understand what you’re saying! We both have joint accounts worth our husbands and put a set amount in each month to cover bills/ dc etc. After that, we have our own spends. She does earn significantly less than her partner and although I don’t know how much that is... I do imagine he has more financial power than her in the relationship. Me and my husband both earn similar and more than her so perhaps that’s why we do things differently. She’s pretty adamant that it’s up to her husband to pay for her extra vagrant gifts out of his spends though - Im not sure if that’s strange or not really?

OP posts:
Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 08/08/2018 22:11

My husband pays for everything my money is mine and we share his. He is incredibly generous and always comes home with gifts. I do buy him gifts too.

Somerville · 08/08/2018 22:12

...And we’d never split the bill. What’s the point?! I genuinely think a married couple splitting a restaurant bill is ludicrous in most circumstances. Generally DH pulls out his wallet and proffers his credit card, rather than me doing so (unless he’s in the loo or something) but we pay the credit card out of joint account anyway. So I wouldn’t thank him for dinner!

Somerville · 08/08/2018 22:13

Different spends is something I’m uncomfortable with. I know it can work fine for some couples. But too often, because women’s earnings are more often affected by procreation, it leads to an unfair imbalance.