I've been dating someone who has just revealed that they are / have been a sugar daddy

[WallyB9]

I'm 57 and single and for the last few months - following some advise from younger colleagues, I have been on Bumble. I met a guy (60) and we have met up four times now. We have got on really well - although I don't see a lot of him. He revealed to me recently that he has been dating other women - as a sugar daddy. As I see it, paying for sex. I find the whole thing a bit sordid.

He's now sent me a couple of articles on open relationships. My interpretation is, he likes the 'grown up' normal things we have done together but wants to keep the exciting sex - predominantly with younger girls.

This is really not good news is it? It feels really wrong.

Nope, to a certain extent, the sending articles smacks of grooming and normalising stuff...

Sorry, big eurgh, unless that's a lifestyle you'd want.

My 86yo mum would also say he's looking for a housekeeper...

Run a mile! What a creep.

Of course it’s not good news to find out you’re with a man who has such a transactional view of sex.

Plus he’s taking advantage of the inequality in our society: that older men have access to sexual pleasure if they want it but older women are expected to do without.

Tell him to man up and make a woman orgasm through his own efforts rather than for paying for it.

Yes op I think the sending of articles is trying to normalise his lifestyle and attempt to get you on board (bit creepy). He sleeps with young women and gives them money.
Hope you find someone nicer.

That's really rank. And I'd bet their monthly allowance that his sugar 'babies' think he's rank too. Not good.

He just wants an open, casual relationship. & possibly you as the "stable" one.

Maybe you'll get the homemaker/housekeeper/eventual carer role, and provide that outward veneer of respectability relationship for the eyes of the outside world too.

Behind it all he'll continue his sugar daddy life, so the same as it is now you won't see much of him.

We are all different, and it depends if you think this kind of relationship is for you or not. You didn't tell him an outright No, so perhaps you're considering it and for you there are other benefits.

If you are, be brutally honest with yourself as to whether you'd be able to cope with with this without resentment and/or hope that he'll change into the man you want him to be for you

If you've doubts and don't want an open relationship then walk away or it'll all be a massive headache and waste of time

Yuk, block him on every device you can - Seedy man

Sounds like he's looking for a cook/cleaner with the odd theatre trip/date thrown in while shagging younger women.

He is trying to normalise his creepiness and wants you for comforts of daily life and potentially as a future nurse

RUN! Run away quickly

Yeuk
He's a friggin' chancer and he pays women for sex.
Just no no no.
Total and utter dealbreaker.
Block, ignore, delete.

Or.... you might be OK with it all.
In which case make sure you have 3 monthly STI checks if you are planning on having a sexual relationship with him.
Each to their own and all that.

Pippylou

Your mum is smart!

I don’t know Bumble but I would suggest maybe looking at your interests and finding a dating site that way round, one you pay for will help weed out some opportunistic types. Maybe Guardian Soulmates etc

I can feel the tears whelm up. And if I feel upset by the revelation I can't live with the consequences. I feel used already.

I did think that he was ok and respectable, a widow of some years. And we have both enjoyed our dates - I thought.

I think you're right. He wants it all ways. Me to provide a veneer of respectability while he is carrying on his sordid lifestyle elsewhere.

I just want to meet an ordinary down to earth guy who wants a 'normal' relationship.

The man is a creepy, entitled twat.
Can I suggest you send him some articles about how he can ‘Fuck off quickly’

I guess to his credit that he's been upfront with you rather than hiding his creepiness.

He's 60. He wants someone to take care of him in his old age as he sure as hell knows his dolly birds won't.

Yuck!

Up to you but personally I would not be able to deal with it. Like I'm not good enough to arouse him sexually because I'm not 22 but I should be grateful for other parts of the relationship?

The absolute cheek of him.

He just wants what he wants, and there's nothing wrong with that. And you want what you want.

You're incompatible, that's all.

May I suggest you send him the Paul Simon song lyrics for ‘50 ways to leave your lover’ And circle /underline the one that most appeals. What a sleaze bag , I’m sure he likes you but clearly fancies keeping the pretty young things on tap for sex.

Huge red flag. It might be wise to steer clear of him.

Ewwwww . I take it you haven’t had sex.

He wants it all ways. Me to provide a veneer of respectability while he is carrying on his sordid lifestyle elsewhere.

I think you've put it perfectly. You will find someone so much nicer!

YUCK. Just YUCKY YUCKY YUCK.

Run a mile, OP. You're better than this. And you deserve better than this.

At least you know now and he isn't doing this behind your back and letting you go further into this.

In a partner I wouldn't be able to get past their opinion on gifts/sex relationships being ok, so it would be a no for me.

I have really lost faith in men recently.

Seems to be no depth to which they won't stoop.

Don't accept this shit for one second.