Is it possible to love someone you've never met?

[Khaleesi78]

Just what the title says... Think I need someone to talk me down!

A man added me on Facebook in 2009 and we've been in touch (as friends) intermittently ever since. He was married back then but they split 3 years ago when his wife met someone else.

My (bad) relationship ended recently and we've got closer. He's been sending me flowers and we've talked every day for the last month either by text, phone or FaceTime. I've even arranged to go and meet him in a couple of weeks (we live 300 miles apart).

I can't stop thinking about him. Am I mad?!

Why did he add you in the first place?

Can’t he meet you!?? 300 miles is a long way to go.

Nope. I spent a year getting to know my DH 'virtually' before meeting him real life. And when I did meet him, fortunately he didn't turn out to have many bad habits that he hadn't shared We've been together for ten years now.

No, not mad. But make sure you realise that who you know online, might be a different person in real life. Not necessarily maliciously, but we all project a slightly different version of ourselves from behind a laptop.

Don't go into it with any assumptions about what will happen between you, or how you will feel. Take it slowly and good luck.

You cannot love someone you have not physically spent time with, seen their reactions to difficult situations, how they handle stress and real life. It sounds more like wishful thinking/infatuation - still strong feelings but not love.

Nope, but you can love the idea of them and that can be dangerous.

He added me through a group we were both on and got chatting through there.

He was going to come to me and book a hotel (for him to stay in not both of us!), but then he decided that he needed to 'date' me properly and he knows restaurants etc near him better. He's booked a hotel for me near him and is paying for my train ticket so I don't have to drive. He says he'll come to me next time we meet.

I met my current partner online and we spent 6 months talking every day before we met.

I don't believe that we loved each other before we met (although he would say otherwise) but I did know that this was going to be something and that he was special

I believe it's possible to love someone you havent met.

Online relationships involve deep feelings especially over years. You get to know each other deeply in some cases.

The only thing that might change that...is if they've deceived you about how they look and sent a fake pic...catfishing.

You are in love with this man as he presents himself online. Whether it will blossom into real life love depends on the accuracy of his presentation of himself - and yours of you.

I don't think you can. Because you don't actually know if they are telling the truth about anything.

If you meet up and all is well, that's great

You can love how they choose to portray them self, but is that the real them as it’s all considered responses and not spontaneous. How well and how much of somebody can you know like that?

Yes, but you really have absolutely no way of knowing for sure if you love them until you have met them properly. There are a lot of life gaps that you'll be filling in to suit you.

I've been there, thought he was really the one, but when we met up there was absolutely no chemistry. With you there may be, but take your time, slow down, definitely date, and see what happens. You don't know each other yet..

I don't think it's impossible.
I know of one happy outcome from a similar situation.
If you like him I think it's worth a go. Just be very careful. Don't spend loads of money on this first meeting, and bring someone with you. Bring a single friend and suggest he does the same so you can double date!

He's grooming you.

No it's not possible to love someone without meeting. You can like someone and feel a connection, but without meeting they're not letting you see all of them, only the good bits. If they are reluctant to meet, that's when you start to worry.

I have been there. We ended up in a long term relationship, but it was early 2000s and we were very young and innocent. For older people and these days it might be different. Do be careful, of course, but don't discount it completely. Love doesn't always arrive in the perfect conditions, a lot of times it's scary and uncertain. Open your heart, but have clear and firm boundaries.

Sounds dodgy as fuck to me.

But I'm biased as Facebook was partially responsible for the end of my last relationship...

Ex added a friend from a group of a game she played. They chatted for a while. His relationship broke down and he turned to my ex to be a shoulder. She started putting more effort and time into her relationship with him than she did into the real relationship with me, she basically checked out of our relationship. She threw me and our daughter away to be with someone she'd never met because he said all the right things.
Here's the thing.. over text or messenger you can mould your words to be perfect.. in real life there is no delete button.. the person that you know via type isn't the person you know in person. If that makes sense.

He's grooming me??? I'm 40 years old!

I'm not saying he is grooming you, but anyone can be groomed.

Over 9 years? That's slow grooming...

Well like I said, I'm not saying that's what's happening. Just saying that your age isn't a protection against it happening.

It's absolutely possible. Me and my partner met online. Added each other on Facebook. Kind of didn't bother too much to start with as our individual lives were too hectic to meet really. About 4 months down the line we started speaking every day and chatting for hours on FaceTime etc. We were absolutely totally in love before we even met. Still together now.

I was in a relationship with someone I met online in a different country and I thought I loved him before we met. Although the relationship didn't last, we had an even stronger connection in person than we did over the phone - it definitely can be real.