Is it possible to love someone you've never met?

[Khaleesi78]

Just what the title says... Think I need someone to talk me down!

A man added me on Facebook in 2009 and we've been in touch (as friends) intermittently ever since. He was married back then but they split 3 years ago when his wife met someone else.

My (bad) relationship ended recently and we've got closer. He's been sending me flowers and we've talked every day for the last month either by text, phone or FaceTime. I've even arranged to go and meet him in a couple of weeks (we live 300 miles apart).

I can't stop thinking about him. Am I mad?!

@pugalugs90 How long have you been together now?

@Khaleesi78 2 years. 3 houses. 4 jobs and a whole lot of other spanners thrown in. It's been difficult but not because we met online. With the way life is now I think it's absolutely normal for you to meet that way. People are so much more in contact you can get to know someone pretty well before you meet them. You both grow and change as well so you'll never know anyone 100% do what makes you happy. Life's to short for what ifs. If it doesn't work out then who cares. Just shout 'plot twist' and move on

It's not grooming, ffs.

I've read the history of courting, it's very interesting if you like history.
Well, this is courting, over 9 years.
I think it's romantic, but also add caution in getting too carried away too soon.
Take it steady, and do some rl courting now.
Good luck to you.

It's possible. I know a guy who moved to the SW USA from Yorkshire to be with someone he knew on-line. They have been married for 8 years now.

Weird. He should be coming to you. You’re traveling an awfully long way to meet a man you have not a clue about really. At least you should insist he comes to you. Smells fishy.

No.

It's possible I think, as long as both parties are honest and present themselves authentically.

I don't know of any examples though - I know plenty of couples who got together online but they only fell in love after they'd met up physically. It can't be that common to fall in love over messager/text, surely...

I met a guy at the opposite end of the country from me.
We were on a date site and he only contacted me because my user name was from his favourite comedy so we had some chats based on that but agreed continuing would be futile due to distance.
Despite misgivings We chatted intermittently about our date experiences, comedy etc then progressed to calls and facetime, and started discussing our real lives.
It became a bit of an infatuation and we agreed we'd likely have become a couple of we'd lived nearer.
He's just my type in many ways.
Eventually I ended up meeting him, I'm very fond of him and it was amazing to finally get together, it was so natural and easy to be with him.
we both agreed it'd be a fling and nothing serious and actually meeting him burst the Bubble because I realised how different our lifestyles and responsibilities are.
We'll carry on being long distance fwbs until one of us finds someone properly. I'm quite glad really I am able to have distance and objectivity for this rather than jumping in feet first with high expectations and the inevitable disappointment once the excitement has worn off!

I meant to say, part of the reason we think we get on so well is because we never had an expectation of meeting each other so neither of us tried to impress the other, no airs and graces and warts and all honesty from day one. Never had that before!

No

I think it’s possible because, if you look at it this way, no one falls in love with someone because of how they look. You fall in love with their personality and after 9 years I would imagine you know him pretty well! Yes ok, you don’t know what it’s like to be with him day in and day out but talking for as long as you have gives you a strong foundation. I hope it all goes well when you meet and have fun!

I was in love with my now husband before we met in person. We met online and talked constantly either on WhatsApp or the phone/Skype for weeks until we could arrange a meet up. We moved in together three months after our first meeting in person and have been together for almost four years now, married for one.

But you have to meet as soon as possible really as I do know of others who met up and there was no spark, or they had fallen for the idea of the person and real life didn’t match up.

Thanks all! Lots of different experiences and lots to think about!

I just think it's one of those things where if a person hasn't experienced it for themselves they don't understand it. I think when you talk to someone online you probably talk more than in person because you're making up for the distance. And as long as they're honest about everything and you're realistic it can absolutely be love. You get to know them in an intimate way that isn't physical but it something in its own right. From the outside it probably looks strange, but with tinder and all the other dating sites I actually think it's more normal than people realise. Be cautious, but don't let how you meet be what holds you back. I'd much rather meet someone that way than a drunken night.

You’re in love with the idea of him because that’s all you have, an idea.

My friend had a 6 month relationship with someone online before they eventually met.

She was pretty infatuated but ended it after a handful of dates when they did eventually meet, he just wasn't her type - it was the small habit things that did it for her, like he chewed with his mouth open and was a heavy breather. Just turned her off completely.

No. It isnt. Its possible to delude yourself into believing that you are, though. Do some hard thinking.

Its when they start asking for bank transfers it becomes an issue. Good luck and stay safe when you meet him.

You can certainly develop a connection. As for attraction I real life. All vets are off until you meet in real life.

It's the opposite of pubs where there is a physical attraction then you find out if you have stuff I common etc.

Vets = bets

Be careful I know someone who had this exact situation. Went out to visit him. He wooed her, flowers gifts etc. She got to the Airport and is now doing years in prison as one of the gifts he have her is containing a massive amount of drugs. He should come and see you seriously. If he loves you he will. This is dodgy. I wouldn't touch if with a barge pole.

You are 40 but sound very niaive...

The internet has been around for a while now. Many many people have met up with many many other people all over the world who first met online. Doesn't make you naive.

No.

Why did he add you while he was married? How many other women did he add to his FB during his marriage? Why did his wife leave him for someone else?

Why is he not capable of booking decent restaurants outside his home town?