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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to reply to next text

51 replies

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 07:41

Help me come up with great response. Ok so I work in a school and there’s one guy I get on really well with and we are really good friends. Been lots of sexual tension and at end of term we had a couple of drunken snogs. Since breaking up for hols lots and lots of texting every day then met up and ended up in bed although not much happened. Morning was fine we were laughing and carried on texting loads for next couple of days. Then nothing for the past few days. I have sent a couple of random texts since which he has answered but they have been very short conversations.

He will get back in touch because we are meeting up next week as friends. So when he does, say he says sorry for not replying sooner, how should I reply

a) no probs see you ...
b) don’t worry, I know what you’re trying to do
c) and here I was worried you were lying in a ditch somewhere

Or something else??

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/08/2018 07:52

What do you REALLY want to say to him?

pallasathena · 05/08/2018 07:53

I wouldn't reply.
I'd maintain a bit of self respect by either not responding or, if it was absolutely necessary for work reasons say, I'd keep it short sharp and business like.
Never complain and never explain is my mantra in these situations because I don't play mind games.
He's playing mind games OP.

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:00

Thanks. We really are very good friends and I want to keep that more than anything. It will never ever be serious for many reasons but I did enjoy it and would want a repeat.

I sent a text yesterday afternoon and know he will prob respond at some point today so wondering how to respond

OP posts:

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:01

My thinking is he suddenly got freaked out it was getting too intense and has pulled right back

OP posts:

Smidge001 · 05/08/2018 08:02

He might not be playing mind games. He might just be unsure as to how he feels and not want to lead you on... But doesn't quite know yet.
If he definitely doesn't want to take it further, then yes, he should just say so. But he might not be sure yet.
What do you want OP? Maybe he thinks you're leading him on, if you haven't actually said you want to take it further.

Hellywelly10 · 05/08/2018 08:05

Yes hes pulled back. Your seeing hom next week so wait to arrange that meet up in a few days.

Smidge001 · 05/08/2018 08:05

it will never be serious for various reasons

Sounds complicated OP. Perhaps unsurprising that he's gone quite then. Is one of you attached? If so, just forget it.

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:05

Well in one of his previous messages he did ask me if I thought what we did was a bad idea (we both don’t want people finding out) and I told him no. So he knows I’d be keen on a repeat, but we could never have an out in the open relationship

OP posts:

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:06

Yes Smidge it is complicated but we are both single so not doing anything wrong as such

OP posts:

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:08

Hellywelly thanks. Yes I am thinking only communicate to confirm plans to meet up and then talk then - we can talk about anything.

So how should I respond to next text?

OP posts:

twilightsaga · 05/08/2018 08:10

Definitely A. B sounds a bit OTT and C sounds like you're his mom

Chippyway · 05/08/2018 08:15

For someone who doesn’t want anything serious from this you sure are over thinking and over analysising everything

You’re thinking about what to reply to him next week?! You are WAY more invested than you think you are

He got sex or whatever it was that happened when you went to bed. If he was that keen he wouldn’t be taking 24 hours to reply to your text no matter how busy he is.

This won’t end well for you. I’d quit now if I was you.

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:16

Ha yes I see what you mean about c)
I’m normally the one who gives him relationship advice so I know all about his commitment phobia which is the only reason I thought b)
But yes my last text sent him a link to something I think he’d like so I imagine he will reply today saying something like Sorry for not replying - they look good
Do I just reply No probs - see you Wed?
Or does that sound as though I’m pissed off?

OP posts:

nicebitofquiche · 05/08/2018 08:16

I don't think he has pulled back because he's found it all too intense. I think he's not really bothered about you. I'd stop texting him if I were you. Don't even reply to the text you assume he is going to send you.

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:17

Chippyway I completely agree!! I need to pull back

OP posts:

user1486956786 · 05/08/2018 08:17

Kinda need to know what his text is before we can offer advice on replying

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:20

Fair point! When (if) I get a reply I will ask again before replying

OP posts:

EvaHarknessRose · 05/08/2018 08:23

Maybe he thinks it is a bad idea. Does one of you have authority over the other at work?

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:27

In different departments at work. I think maybe he does think it’s a bad idea. But it was so much fun!!!

OP posts:

Mmer · 05/08/2018 08:30

Don't reply if he texts back. He seems like he isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with you atm, so keep your dignity and pull back.

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:33

But that’s the thing - I don’t want a relationship - I just enjoy the flirting and occasional drunken snogging

OP posts:

Olikingcharles · 05/08/2018 08:35

Don't text him anymore leave it up to him. Then just reply that you'll see him as arranged if that is still on. Then take it from there. If you don't get a text from him I'd assume your meet up is not happening however if the time to meet etc has already been confirmed then just turn up he'll either be there or send some late text saying something has come up. Honestly I wouldn't count on staying friends if he's pulling back.

lillylollylandy · 05/08/2018 08:35

So stop texting him then OP. By overthinking it you will destroy the spontaneity.

TokyoSushi · 05/08/2018 08:36

What Chippyway said

Original poster

toobusytothink · 05/08/2018 08:39

Some good advice. Truthfully I miss the texting though. He was the one who moved it from a group chat to individual so the flirting could ramp up a bit but now he’s stopped

OP posts:

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