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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wwyd-been wendied but she has my stuff

76 replies

niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 11:33

Hi
Just that. Best friend all of a sudden wanted no contact, took ages to reply to texts after yrs of texting every day. Weekly meets were reduced and if i asked she would suggest in 3 months time!
Turns out she has a new friendshio group particularly a new best friend and was irritated by me. I sent a birthday card and present and she thanked me coldly by text in march. I was gutted, but have my dignity so said 'its ok youre welcome'.
No texts since and she hadnt got in touch.
Im kind of ok now, though hurt, but wasnt humiliating myself by being unwanted.
However she has 200 quids worth of my stuff which id like back. Half of me wants it but i thunk being dignified and leaving it will make me feel better even though it pisses me off.
Wwyd?

OP posts:
ShumpaLumpa · 03/08/2018 14:53

I did this with a 'friend' who owed me a few hundred pounds. Got my money back. She tried to be friends again but fool me once etc.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 03/08/2018 14:53

Go get your stuff op. We need more people standing up to the CF users of the world. We’ve got your back.

sonjadog · 03/08/2018 14:56

Dont let her walk all over you. Go and get your stuff back. Can you write off a couple of hundreds pounds stuff? I know I couldn't just do it. If you don't, then you are giving her the power to dictate your behaviour. Do you really want to give her that power?

Send her the email mentioned earlier in the thread. Get your stuff. Move on with your life.

sonjadog · 03/08/2018 14:57

Btw, walking away from this is not "dignified" or with "your head held high", it is letting her walk all over you and kidding yourself otherwise.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/08/2018 15:02

Sometimes 'stuff' is more than just 'stuff'. In your case, it represents the fact that your good nature was taken advantage of by someone with no regard for your feelings. Because of this, I think it IS important to get it back. Because getting it back will be an acknowledgement (by you, to you) that you are just as important as she is and that she does not deserve to keep your stuff. Or your friendship.

RhubarbTea · 03/08/2018 15:07

Fucking hell, what a massive cunt she sounds. Go and get your stuff back. Why aren't you raging?! I would be.

I have had this kind of thing happen to me friendship-wise, and have watched the person work her way through person after person after me, doing exactly the same thing. After a long time I recently snapped and tried to warn some who were about to be sucked in but they just didn't believe me. It just makes you look mad when you try and warn others, so you end up watching the same awful fate being enacted on many people until you get right out of the whole social circle which I have done, regretfully. I just can't take it any more, it's not worth the stress of watching it unfold. Again.

It is infuriating but ultimately we should probably pity such folk as they must be very damaged to behave so. Horrible to be on the receiving end of it, though.

However - you did totally enable her academically. You did her fucking referencing for her, that took three days?? Bloody hell. No way would I do that with someone. Give a man a fish and all that. You must not carry other people, it's unhealthy and co-dependant. Hope you manage to recover from all this, it will sting less with time.
But get your stuff back, pronto.

5LeafClover · 03/08/2018 15:10

Another vote for a simple email... I will collect from your work on xx xx xx. List the stuff.

Getting you to edit and do references is (to be v.v.generous) exceptionally lazy, as some of the marks ar

will be for correctly formatted refs and style. I'm fuming on your behalf and on the behalf of all the students who didn't outsource part of the work.

HelenUrth · 03/08/2018 15:15

Definitely list the stuff. If you get any of it back and you haven't listed the items, she will "forget" most of it.

If you don't want to make it appear you're asking for it back for yourself because she's an entitled bitch and shouldn't keep it, you could say you're giving it to someone else who needs it?

hellsbellsmelons · 03/08/2018 15:24

Deffo get your stuff back OP.
You could sell it on and make some money.
Send that text and see what happens.
She probably won't respond though.

Giraffey1 · 03/08/2018 17:22

Definitely get your stuff back from her!

IloveJudgeJudy · 03/08/2018 18:59

Another one saying, definitely get your stuff back from her. It's not walking away with head held high, it's getting back what's rightfully yours. If they're academic books, they'll be valuable. Don't leave it (that might be how she's got rich, taking from others).

Original poster
niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 19:06

They are expensive books. One cost 78 quid a limited edition

OP posts:
Original poster
niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 19:07

Yy to how shes rich.

OP posts:
Original poster
niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 19:08

She paid people to do aspects of her degree work before i was involved. She sees it as fair game.
She now has a job earning £££
Im disabled and was hospitalised just after she finished and had to take time off work myself. Never asked how i am.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 03/08/2018 19:20

Dont be polite. Fuck that.

I wouldn't ask how she is. I'd start by saying something like ...
Hi - glad to see I was of some use to you when you needed help with your degree. Don't worry - I get the message and I have noted that I have now outlived my usefulness to you.
I would now like to collect my XYZ and will be available to pick them up on XYZ dates. Please get back to me asap with the best day. Thanks.

Ginandpanic · 03/08/2018 19:38

Op - this person has inherited a lot of money not worked for it and earned it, wouldn’t have done so well without your help, and has treated you like a disposable object. How exactly is she superior to you?

If you need the stuff back then fine, if you don’t I wouldn’t put yourself through the stress and upset of getting in touch with her.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 03/08/2018 20:17

Send her an invoice for tutoring fees.

Original poster
niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 20:23

If i get in touch i am not being the sad loser who texts on a friday night.
I was just the pathetic friend

OP posts:
MapleLeafRag · 03/08/2018 20:24

Dob her in to the uni/college!
Say it was not her own work!

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 03/08/2018 20:28

I was just thinking that @Maple

Original poster
niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 20:30

It was her work. It was just structured properly, i was basically a proofreader. It just took ages due to dyslexia. I wouldnt help cheat.
It is the time i spent that im pissed off with.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 03/08/2018 20:31

Do this. Stand up for yourself and get your stuff back. You will feel so much better. Text her and say

Hi fuckwit, I'll be in your town in a couple of days and would like to pick my books up. Could you leave them at reception for me please on 5th aug. Hope you're well.'

Thing is, yes you can leave it. But you want those books back. One cost £74, and was a limited edition! Get it back. You're not a pathetic friend. You're not a loser. You're a kind, considerate friend who helped someone in need.

Get the books, then arrange a night out with your good friends, minus fuckwit.

FishingIsNotASport · 04/08/2018 00:01

Go and get your stuff OP. Users like this depend on nice people like you to be too polite/scared to confront them. They march through life stepping on others to get to where they feel they are entitled to be - make her stop and think, if only for a minute.

TatianaLarina · 04/08/2018 09:04

You said you helped her with the content:

I also advised on the content as well, and she passed a lot when she would have failed because the quality of her work was shocking, but I loved her as a friend, and wanted her to pass.

Microsoft Office has an inbuilt programme for spelling and grammar checking, all she had to do was go through with one of those.

If she’s registered as dyslexic with the uni she won’t be marked down for poor spelling.

I understand you did it from a good place, but universities demand that students submit their own work for good reason.

I’d chalk it up to experience that if someone asks you to do something unethical, it’s hardly surprising if they behave unethically to you to. And make sure you get your stuff back.

AgentJohnson · 04/08/2018 10:30

“Head he’ll high” my arse. She used you and you let yourself be used by her and now you’re avoiding getting your stuff back because your embarrassed.

The ‘friendship’ was imbalanced and the price you wanted to pay for that, was being ‘always available’. Get your stuff back or don’t get your stuff back but categorising your passiveness as you being ‘Wendied’, is inaccurate and says a lot about your part to play in the relationship dynamic. Her new supposed BFF didn’t steal her away from you, you outlived your usefulness to her and she moved on.

I hope you take this opportunity to look at your contribution to this situation because if your boundaries and self respect were higher, I believe you would never have classed this woman as a friend.

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