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Original poster

Wwyd-been wendied but she has my stuff

76 replies

niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 11:33

Hi
Just that. Best friend all of a sudden wanted no contact, took ages to reply to texts after yrs of texting every day. Weekly meets were reduced and if i asked she would suggest in 3 months time!
Turns out she has a new friendshio group particularly a new best friend and was irritated by me. I sent a birthday card and present and she thanked me coldly by text in march. I was gutted, but have my dignity so said 'its ok youre welcome'.
No texts since and she hadnt got in touch.
Im kind of ok now, though hurt, but wasnt humiliating myself by being unwanted.
However she has 200 quids worth of my stuff which id like back. Half of me wants it but i thunk being dignified and leaving it will make me feel better even though it pisses me off.
Wwyd?

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 03/08/2018 13:38

Your email is far too submissive, too much room for wiggle and almost gives her permission for her to have disposed of it all.

Dear Brenda
I will be coming to collect my books, XYZ and ABC on the 31st of Julember at 2pm, if you’re not going to be in please arrange for someone/neighbour/safe place for my collection.

Thanks
Nike

JingsMahBucket · 03/08/2018 13:41

This is madness. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Flowers

Original poster
niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 13:41

Thanks, they are good suggestions.
I will include an informal list. She won't be arsed about keeping them as like me, they are now useless. She will be excited about the next thing, just as she was Paula's wine.
Eventually, having seen a pattern from her friend before me, and now the next friend, I know Paula has been taken in by her charm and will feel special and loved, but will be discarded inevitably, though probably in a couple of years, once she has worshiped and been grateful to said friend, bought nice presents and so on.
I'm such a dick.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 03/08/2018 13:44

Don't ask her, tell her.

Or even something along the lines of

I will in such town on the xx August I will collect and list lent items on said date. Don't give her any wiggle room other wise you will be waiting forever for her to give your belongings back.

flumpybear · 03/08/2018 13:44

Sounds like a horrible person you should be gladly shot of her!

I agree about saying 'do you still have' just say I'm collecting my stuff you have can you leave it ...

Melamin · 03/08/2018 13:44

Just write a clear and straightforward message and name a date. Don't fill it with dithery niceties and question marks. Take a couple of people with you who know the score. If the date is inconvenient, then ask for a date within 14 days or something.

No body has a house that you can't just turn up at (unless it has security gates and barbed wire)

Original poster
niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 13:44

LOL at 'julember' laughs before she cries
I'm so proud not to have texted her for so long, and feel I'm letting myself down by making contact.
If I bumped into her and she was 'suddenly' reminded of my stuff, it would be 'oh gosh yes I needed to get these back to you I've just been sooooooooooooo busy, lovely to see you, hope all is ok'.
I've also noticed her 'hope you're ok?' was a rhetorical question, at the end.

OP posts:
Imsorrylhaventaclue · 03/08/2018 13:46

I’d wait until the day you were planning on going, then sending a quick text saying something like ‘just realised I’ll be passing your door in a couple of hours, I’ll pop in to collect X,Y and Z but won’t keep you’. I know you say no texting, but emailing seems weird and formal so I’d just send a text that doesn’t need a reply. If she does reply saying she’ll be out you could suggest she leaves it somewhere out of sight, or say you’ll come the following day?

Knittedfairies · 03/08/2018 13:47

You’re not a dick; you were being a good friend to her, but she got what she needed from you and moved on to her next target.

RideOn · 03/08/2018 13:47

Dear Brenda
I hope all is well. I need the books etc. back that I lent you, I will be in town in a couple of weeks, please leave them at (where she now works) reception, I'll be picking them up on 'x' date.
Thanks.
Nike

This

Original poster
niketrainersarecomfy · 03/08/2018 13:49

She might not be 'in'. She's very busy. I don't want to go.
The more I'm posting the more I think I want to leave it. Head held high and fuck it.

OP posts:
bakingdemon · 03/08/2018 13:52

I would list the stuff you know she has in whatever message you send so she knows that you know exactly what she's keeping

Imsorrylhaventaclue · 03/08/2018 13:54

The more I'm posting the more I think I want to leave it. Head held high and fuck it.

But in the gentlest possible way, OP, it’s not ‘head held high’ it’s ‘tail between legs’. Be furious with how she’s treated you - why should she benefit any more than she already has done? You’re not a dick, she is.

Get your stuff back however you have to, stick a (metaphorical) finger up on the way out and leave her to her next victim. You sound like a thoroughly decent person.

Ellie56 · 03/08/2018 13:58

If I had charged for the work it would be a few hundred quid, hours and hours of my time...I used to dread opening my emails by what was left. The reference list took me 3 days alone.

Hmm sounds like you did do a lot of her work for her. Ungrateful bitch. [

HollowTalk · 03/08/2018 14:03

It sounds as though she wouldn't have got her qualification without you (or someone similar.)

Get your stuff back. It's not right she should keep it.

Send her a note:

Hi, hope you're okay. I need those (list every single item) back - I'll be passing on DAY and can pick them up then. If you can't be in just let me know and leave them at your reception desk at work - I'll pick them up there. Thanks!

That's all you need to say.

springydaff · 03/08/2018 14:04

Is that being wendied? Wendied is when someone comes along in your friendship group and pushes you out of the group. Everyone falls for Wendy Hmm

Sorry about pedantry though. I'm so sorry this happened to you - what a fucking cow/all flavours of karma (korma?) waiting to visit.

I've seen someone doing this. It was torture to watch as she made her way through various people. Perhaps I should have said something, had a word in the latest's ear?

Someone did this to me - a young guy. I thought we'd be friends for ever, his wife warned me he flits about and drops people very suddenly. I thought "That won't happen to me, we're solid". But fuck me, it did Shock

If it's triggering to think of the stuff/getting it back then let it go. IF you do let it go, mind: you can't be in the middle and grind with resentment about it for ever and ever - way to torture yourself. With the young guy I got rid of all the presents because they were just too painful. You've got to make a decision to either get it back OR let it go

Syfychannel · 03/08/2018 14:08

Get your stuff back however you have to, stick a (metaphorical) finger up on the way out and leave her to her next victim. You sound like a thoroughly decent person

Exactly and a pithy remark about sending on your bill for her tuition fees as you march off would not go amiss.

springydaff · 03/08/2018 14:11

"Hi you fucking two-faced witch, I hope you're rotting from the inside -

I'm calling in the stuff I loaned you, please leave it in reception. Shame I've had to ask for it and you haven't thought to get it back to me but recognise this is the extent of your shallow little heart and mind.

I also enclose an invoice for extensive tutoring from [date] to [date].

How lucky you were to have me as a friend. What a shame about your vacuous heart.

Go fuck yourself

Nike"

DarlingNikita · 03/08/2018 14:11

But in the gentlest possible way, OP, it’s not ‘head held high’ it’s ‘tail between legs’. Be furious with how she’s treated you

This.

Send a polite note/text/whatever. 'I need to come and get my books, computer stuff etc back. I'm in town anyway on x day at y time and can come by then. Do just leave them all in a box in the porch/garage (I'm assuming here!) if you won't be in.'

Don't let her get away with it.

UpstartCrow · 03/08/2018 14:13

''Is that being wendied? Wendied is when someone comes along in your friendship group and pushes you out of the group. Everyone falls for Wendy''
Serial monogamist Wendies?

Fuck all the Wendies, and all who enable them.

sar501 · 03/08/2018 14:17

OP you sound like a lovely friend and I think this person has used you and taken advantage of your kindness. Definitely get your stuff back. Take someone with you for moral support if you have to. She sounds like the sort who will try to keep hold of the items. Don’t let her get away with it through.

Yoksha · 03/08/2018 14:29

Okay OP. But you say the more you're posting, the more you're thinking it's a bad idea.

On the contrary, the more you're posting, the more freaking angry I'm getting on you're behalf.

You need to change the dialogue inside your head. She's the one who's shallow, not you.

Oi user, Hi there, I'd like my stuff back please. I'll collect it from the reception at your work on such & such a date. Job done. Keep referring to her as user in your head. She'll soon loose her sparkle.

Go get her girl. Big girl pants pulled up. We're all behind you. Just remember that.

HolyMountain · 03/08/2018 14:37

No way should you leave your stuff there, it's your stuff.

Fuck 'head held high'.

Get your property back.

TatianaLarina · 03/08/2018 14:43

I’m sorry she treated you badly. But in all honesty it’s not ok to effectively help someone to cheat at a degree. If she has the lack of scruples to accept help to gain a qualification that she doesn’t the chops to gain for herself then it’s hardly surprising that she doesn’t have the decency to have loyalty or gratitude for it.

WRT your stuff you just need to inform her you want it back and give her a choice of dates and timed to collect.

ShumpaLumpa · 03/08/2018 14:51

Go round when she's most likely to be in and demand your stuff back. Do it without warning so you can shock her into complying. Take someone with you so she knows you have support.

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