Poll, Y or N - would you want to know?

[YaLoVeras]

Thread sort of off the back of another thread.
But surprised how many people advise against telling a new wife that her new marriage is based on lies.

So, if your husband had been cheating on you in the run up to your marriage would you want to know or would you think ignorance is bliss.

I'd rather know myself. I've wasted too many years on an abusive man. It's better to get used to being single.

I vote - Yes, have the information. Awful though the shock may be.

Yes I would want to know.
If you are planning on telling someone please present the facts and remember you will be hurting someone, she probably has no idea and her world as she knows it will be crushed. As others have said we always shoot the messenger so be prepared for that too.

@Taalcy, what a power move. Knowing ''you'' wouldn't ruin your sister's day/life.
He sounds awful. I can't believe he doesn't take those power trips in their marriage

yes

Yes but the OP on the thread in question had good reason for being nervous about telling in person, and if she goes down the anonymous route, she will be opening a can of worms for new wife who will probably end up on here trying to decipher if the note she received has any truth and how to set about finding out.

So yes, I'd like to know. But the reality is that the act of 'telling' isn't straight forward.

Yes

Yes

Do you all think the wife potentially wanting to know trumps the unknowing other woman's feelings and need to get away from the situation? If so why? Remember that the unknowing ow has just had a devastating blow.

HoHoHoHo

Only if the ow doesn't know, I suspect in a lot of cases that's not the case.

Yes - it happened to me and the marriage was a disaster. It all came out months later that people knew she had been cheating but felt like they would ruin the wedding and break my heart if they told me. She then told me tears saying vows were not happiness but regret. Cheers love

I would much rather have known

Y

100% yes

Yes!

Yes. I've been on both sides of this.

I told a friend that her fiancé was cheating on her just before the wedding. She uninvited me from the wedding (I was a bridesmaid) and married him anyway but they divorced quite quickly.

Then my DP (living together for years, 2DC) was cheating on me. Everyone knew and nobody said a word to me, not even my best friend. When I finally found out I felt like they'd all betrayed me and it was awful. I lost my partner and all my friends in one go.

Yes

Yep

Yes.

Its Interesting that everyone bar one person said yes but in all the ‘shall i tell her’ threads posted its a roughly 50/50 split, with some of the no’s being quite assertive about it.

I’d want to know and if I knew I’d never keep quiet.

In these circumstances, yes.

I do think there are other circumstances where I might say no though. Happily married with kids; husband makes mistake, learns a lesson, feels so bad he'll never do it again... In this instance I might say no.

Yes and ASAP because so many start TTC straight after the wedding.

Yes. I like to make my own decisions, not have them made for me by someone who doesn't necessarily know me.

Christ yes.

Yes

Yes absolutely, I found out when my husband text me a message meant for her.
It was a punch in the gut, and then finding out other people knew what was going on behind my back was a killer.
Funnily enough one of the women is now in the same position and I wonder if it makes her think back to her keeping my husbands secrets for him 🤔

Yes.