Do you think it makes sense if one grown up tries to make another grown up do something...

[ConfusedWife1234]

Which is good for him or her like eat more healthful? Just as a general question.

It depends.

I think with partners and family it makes perfect sense to encourage people to make better choices.

I don't think you can force them though.

E.g. one of my relatives smokes. They went through a phase of trying to give up but it was more try a half arsed attempt to give up. I won't buy their cigarettes it I go to the shop because I won't be complicit in them destroying themselves, but I wouldn't lecture them.

I know someone else who is forever talking about eating healthy, doing exercise but it full of excuses. I'll offer them to join me, but again I'm not going to lecture them. I do however shut down whining conversations where they feel sorry for themselves and tell me I'm so lucky to be slim etc. Being slim and healthy is the result of making positive life choices, not luck so they can sod off if I'm going to pander to them witj aww no hun You're fab and fit as you are. Eating healthy is so tough

Only if it’s harming you or your children or anyone really.

Like smoking or drink driving. But if someone was doing something that harmful, I probably would just not opt to have them in my life instead. That’s something you can have control over.

@mindutopia and if you think they are harming themselves?

'Which is good for him or her like eat more healthful?'

...What? I really couldn't make sense of this.

The sentence starts above: do you think it makes sense if one grown up makes another grown up do something which is good for him or her like eating more healthful?

There is very little that one adult can make another adult do, unless that adult is severley incapacitated.

Re eating healthy example, bar forcing down a persons neck I dont understand how it would be possible to force an adult to eat something they dont want to.

How it could be done? For example by throwing u healthy food choices away, complain and complain until the other adult eats more healthy a d so on.

One adult making another do something like that could be a way of controlling them.

An adult should be able to make their own decisions about what food they eat. Even if another adult perceives that choice to be unhealthy.

No, don't do it.

This is the martyr's and codependent's path to frustration and misery.

If the other adult asks for your opinion and your advice, go ahead and give it. Then shut up.

If your advice has not been sought, don't open your mouth in the first place.

Which adult are you trying to manipulate? Husband? One of your grown up children?

Would you really throw their food away? What if they took up a fad diet and threw away all the food you like that doesn't match because they've decided you should follow their path?

If you're concerned that your partner is overweight, for example, you will almost certainly find that nothing you say or do makes any difference. If you're genuinely concerned about their health, you will come to understand that the most you can do is to support any attempts they make to eat more healthily.

But if (like some of my relatives) you're more concerned about the embarrassment of being seen in public with a fat person, you will find that everything you do and say will be counterproductive. I just mention this because I've seen it close up.

No, you can't make another adult do anything.

For example by throwing u healthy food choices away, complain and complain until the other adult eats more healthy a d so on

Is this something that is happening to you?

@NapQueen No, it is not happening to me or anybody else so far. I started another very lengthy thread which seems to have disappeared as I realized now, not deleted but disappeared - strange.

Short version: Dh has ptsd and very bad constipation and I wanted to make him see a doc again (which sort of triggers him) and eat more healthy.

That sounds difficult. I don't think it's likely to be helpful to make your DH see a doctor if it triggers him. Most people with PTSD will avoid triggers if possible, and if you try to make him it could backfire horribly.

As you acknowledge, he is an adult. So it's his responsibility to manage his health. By all means offer support, constipation medication, home made apple sauce, anything you think might help. But if he says no, you can't make him.

Is your DH being abusive to you over your attempts to help him? If so, just stop offering suggestions or advice. Tell him you are not going to offer suggestions or advice and stop doing it.
He's an adult he has choices. Don't bother making him special food. He can use Google can't he?

AIBU to think about “making dh see a doctor“ becausing of something chronic not life threatening ...here

I think it's still there op?

Oh look

Another weird and not at all Loose Women/Daily Mail sounding aibu discussion topic from this poster

How unusual

I don't think 'complaining and complaining' will work OP. It's more likely to make him dig his heels in and go out of his way to defy you IMO.

Oh, there it is. Sorry I thought it was gone.
*@Seaweed: No, he is not abusive at all. I was just thinking if I should try and make him see a doctor again or if it was babying him... patronizing him... bad for him.

Sorry to hear. He really is not like this @BrandNewHouse. I think he is just weak.

As PPs have said, you can't make another adult improve their eating/lifestyle habits if they don't want to.

We have a similar situation in our extended family and no one knows what to do as the person involved isn't changing their lifestyle, despite a major health scare last winter. No real advice, I'm afraid, I wish I knew what to do. We'll probably end up losing this family member early.

That‘s so sad, had this happen to a family member to (not one I was close with) who died very early from an heart attack because of very poor health choices he made.

I am really not a health nut dhs diet is just very crappy, for example yesterday he ate cup cakes with popcorn, nachos and cherry coke.

BTW the other thread still stays disappeared. I can reach it via the link on this thread but cannot see it on the relationships board or on “I‘m on“. Does anybody know a possible reason?

You can stop at 'making' someone do something (for their own good) but you certainly can refuse to enable destructive behaviour.

For example, don't buy the unhealthy food for them. Don't cook unhealthy food for them. If you buy or cook food buy and cook the healthy stuff.