Thoughts on porn?

[Vbxxx]

So I'm not really into the whole porn thing and my bf knows this as we've had few rows over this he just thinks im being over dramatic but he promised me and told he stopped watching it but hes lied twice before and i asked him if he had been watching porn recently and he told me no then i asked again and he admitted it its hurt me why he would lie again about this i dont feel very good about myself knowing my partner watches other women in a degrading way would anyone feel same as me or am i being stupid?

I feel sorry for the current generation of teenage girls. The majority of teenage boys will have formed their ideas of what constitutes good or normal sex from watching abusive, violent, internet porn. An insecure inexperienced young girl will have no idea that this is wrong, or that there are more loving ways to have sex, that are more likely to result in female orgasm.
I recall a PP on another thread, reporting in horror that her teen DD said all boys like to throttle girls during sex - something they’d picked up from porn.
I can’t understand anyone, male or female, being a porn apologist. Quite apart from the treatment of women in the industry, it is potentially damaging a whole generation’s sex lives.

I've never watched porn. My dh knows I'd prefer he didn't and he's an educated man who is well versed on how abhorrent the whole industry is and I think that dampens it's appeal for him!
To people that don't agree that it affects the way men behave, you are very very naive. Since the rise of internet porn, the amount of women who seek medical attention for anal injuries after sex has rocketed. Some of these are teens and we're talking serious, sometimes life changing injuries.

Porn is a deal breaker for me I’m afraid. People on here will tell you all men watch porn but they don’t. My fiancé doesn’t watch it , unless he’s watching it at work which I doubt as he’s very busy , I’m at home so we are together apart from when he is at work and he doesn’t watch it here! My first husband used to abuse me and I have issues related to porn from that which my fiancé knows about. I have showed him a few of these threads relating to porn and he said some men himself included just are Not bothered by porn at all, he would rather have the real thing. He said when he was single he watched it maybe once a week, it just doesn’t do much for him!

@ExceptionFatale

Thanks but, tbh, it's not really that I've been hurt badly by men - no one has ever lied to me in this way or betrayed my trust like this.

But it is my experience and, tbh, I'm of an age when I remember the tentative, funny, 'connected' sex of my early 20s (before a long sexless marriage!!) and sex with 40something men is not like that. It's rough, impersonal and unsatisfying. Or it's an overly technical performance. Or it's disengaged and lazy...

With the exception of the man I was woth who I knew didn't use porn, I've not had 'good sex' for years!!

Life is too short for bad sex!

Wow, I didn’t realise so many people were uptight about the porn.

Is it just porn or masterbating in general?

My friends wife didn’t let him masterbate at all as she considered it cheating, she was controlling in other ways too.

I think a lot of women simply don’t get that men’s genitals are connected to their brain differently to women’s.

"Makes them shit at sex....... that’s a grand generalisation no?"

Says the person who says that all men watch porn 😂😂😂

Porn turns women into commodities to be bought and sold. That is not OK.

Why not read the thread user where lots of women have said why they don't like it.

I don't think you should try to tell your partner how to enjoy masturbating. If he likes using porn then he's been using it long before he met you and will use it long after as well. If you don't like it then you need to find a man who also doesn't like it, not try to enforce your ideas on someone else.

@User1011

Oh dear...

My friends wife didn’t let him masterbate at all as she considered it cheating, she was controlling in other ways too

Yeah my husband forbid mastUrbating as he considered it a form of cheating too. I don't. Masturbating is fine for men and women as is sex generally.

I think a lot of women simply don’t get that men’s genitals are connected to their brain differently to women’s.

I think a lot of men who trot this line out don't realise that it is simply not true

Also, not liking porn does not make one uptight about sex. I always wonder why men trot that line out on here. It's almost as though some men don't want women to realise there's more to sex than porn!

It's precisely because I like sex that I have no interest in men who use porn.

Porn makes men into dull, boring amd disengaged 'lovers'.

Shoxfordian

Totally agree with that. No one should try amd change another person. Rather than attempting to force, shame or coerce another person into becoming someone different, just find someone different.

I am sort of halfway on this, I don’t mind ‘occasional use’ if working away etc but when it turns into a 5 times a week habit the minute you are out the door and behind your back, then yes I do mind, especially when as the lady above says it’s your husband in his 50’s who said ‘he uses it very occasionally’ and isn’t that interested. I actually discovered it when I went onto our router stats to look at something else altogether as our network was slow, as it doesn’t differentiate between private browsing and non private browsing. To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement. I have now had the conversation, so we will see. I also think this is an age thing, most of us with partners in 40s and 50s, they did not grow up with this on tap access, so are perfectly capable of going a bit old school for wanking, they choose not to, even when they know it upsets you.

What's wrong with them watching porn?

As for it being about women being paid and so on, the men are too!!

If you've told your partner to not watch at all then yes you're asking to be lied to and your actually showing quite controlling behaviour.

You don't have to watch it with them so what's the harm.

And to the lady Who says to find someone who isn’t interested, it really isn’t as black and white as that, people lie , or ‘become’ interested, when they never have been before

Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries in a relationship.

The trouble comes if one or both partners won’t discuss things.

I can’t abide liars, lying harms trust and damages relationships. Not being able to communicate harms trust and damages relationships too.

Most people have their first sexual experience alone often using porn. If you object to porn then you shouldn't use it but it's not reasonable to expect your partner not to use it either.

"Most people have their first sexual experience alone often using porn."

This is utterly random!

Show me some evidence for this please, that most people,s first sexual experience is alone and watching porn.

I can wait :)

Or did you just mean men/ boys?

Or did you just mean men / boys in the UK???

I agree Joysmum. If your boundary is ‘occasional’ or none at all, then it’s up to the other person to be upfront so you can decide if it’s something you can live with

I'm also interested to know how you're defining "first sexual experience"?

The majority of women feel same as i do i think its a respect thing i dont like the idea of my partner getting off to other women who are being paid to perform and be degraded and its even worst when they lie about it for me it is a deal breaker as i feel the trust has been broken and i dont think it makes you a prude for not liking porn definitely not I've watched it before with previous partner and still never liked it as i felt like i had to perform the same as the women on the screen its all about satisfying the man its something i dont agree with

". If you object to porn then you shouldn't use it but it's not reasonable to expect your partner not to use it either."
Really? I wouldn't want a partner who wasn't broadly on the same page ethically as me. And for me, porn is about ethics, not sex.

Yeah that's fair enough that you'd want your partner to be on the same page ethically so find one who is. Don't expect someone who isn't to change because of your moral objections.

@nothingontelly
Yeah bit of a sweeping statement admittedly but in my opinion it's likely to be right that most people first masturbate alone and may have used porn. I'm including masturbation within sexual experience. Obviously I have no statistics to back this up, pretty sure there hasn't been a poll on it lately

Look up that old C4 documentary “Date My Porn Star”. Get him to watch it. If a guy can watch that and then happily get off to porn, I’d have some serious issues with their morals.

I agree it is ethics.

Analogy: I dont eat animal products. I think its unethical. I have to decide if I am willing to have a relationship with someone who exploits animals (IMO), or not. It may be that I could persuade someone to reduce their consumption. Or maybe even stop. But I wouldnt bet on it. And it would only work if they actually shared my values. Otherwise they would still have a decret kebab at the weekend, which is even worse.

So, you have to decide in advance where your line is. Reducing porn use? No porn use? Turn a blind eye?

Thats if its about the ethics. If its jealousy then thats different and could be addressed.