I read a lot on here about the MIL. It seems to be quite negative a lot of the time and this makes me feel so sad. I’ve also read on gransnet so many stories from heartbroken MIL’s who either do not see their GK’s, or see them under very controlled circumstances.
I’m the mum to two sons. I love them just as much now as all new Young mums love their babies, but of course, with the years our relationship has adapted and there is more wisdom and more space between us. I should explain, they are now grown and recently married, and becoming parents themselves. I sense that that they still feel a strong love for me and want me in their lives, but of course, their wives do not, can not feel the same. So, as a for instance, the mother of the bride goes dress shopping, hen-doing, arrangement planning etc. the mother of the groom is offered a token task. (I made a cake for one, and did some sewing for another.)I think it’s called “managing expectations “. It hurts a little, but it is nothing compared to when the children arrive.
A new grandchild is born, and I feel so much love, and joy, for the happy new parents, relief that all went well with the birth, and gratitude that they have so much love for each other and will be great parents. Then there is a void. I’m not allowed to meet the baby before her mum who is flying in. To protect her feelings. She stays a week. After a few text messages, gently asking if I can just have a five minute peep, I am, I feel, reluctantly, allowed to meet her, and hold her for two minutes, on the promise that I will only stay five minutes as they are tired. I do understand. I understand they need quiet family time, bonding time, settling feeding routine time. I was, after all, a mother too. But her mum is living in their home, I live 5 minutes away. It has been days. They feel like an eternity. I know that this is how it will be. This is not my first grandchild. I bite my tongue, I babysit, I love them, feed them, offer to help when I can. But I will always be a visitor, because I am the mother of sons. Now you might think I am the overbearing type. I’m not. Or the bossy type. Nope. I think I’m quiet, bookish, educated and kind. I am non-judgemental, have a messy, child friendly house where children can run and play and just be. I’m honestly the easiest Granny you could wish for. We do beach trips, cake baking, den building activities. It’s fun. But, I have, and I guess always will have, the lack of daughter syndrome. I have sons, they take care of their wives as I helped them learn to do. So now, I have to take the back seat. I know I should not feel sad, I know I should be ok with it, that’s just normal. But I get sick of being managed. And Christmas again will be with her parents.