DP going on holiday with ex

[miamiibiza]

Hi.

I've been with my DP for a couple of months. I knows it's not a long time at all, but we get along so well, all the signs look good etc.

There's one problem. For the last year, her and her ex have been planning to go on holiday together to Italy in September. Nothing is booked yet, but they are talking a fair bit about getting it booked soon. My DP has booked annual leave in preparation (booked this before getting with me).

They talk everyday, and see each other regularly. My DP insists they are just friends, and that because they were in each other's lives for 9 years, they can remain as just friends easily.

Am I wrong to be worried about her going to Italy with her ex for 2 weeks?

We are both women if that is at all relevant.

Yeah... I know of two babies born after holidays that were booked before the split...

Sounds like he’s putting more time and effort into this ‘friendship’ than he is into your relationship. If he couldn’t see why that would be an issue then I’d ditch. No way I’d play second fiddle to anyone else in a relationship.

Has she asked you how you feel about it, or aren’t you expected to have feelings because it’s a new relationship?

It’s obviously up to you whether you want to stick around, but I don’t think I would unless I was fully prepared for the ex to be a big part of your joint lives.

Sounds like such a lesbian thing to do from both your girlfriend and ex and from you seeing long term into something that’s only new (have you moved in together yet?😂)

Signed a lesbian whose been on both sides of this!

It’s irrelevant that you’re both women. Either the previous relationship is over or it isn’t. By the sound of it, it clearly isn’t. In your shoes I’d break up with her because the ex clearly isn’t going away.

I don't think she's an ex

I think if it had already been booked before you two got together, I could sort of live with that. But as it hadn't, no, I'd not be happy.

If there are no children involved then what's that all about?

If they get on so well, why is she an ex?

Sorry op this must be really difficult for you. Has she considered your feelings in any of this? Sounds like her "friendship" is more important

If you're not happy then please say something , I wouldn't be pleased either to be honest.

You've been together for a short time , please don't accept a relationship with behaviour that's deal breaking for you.

Oh no - that's not right.
If it had already been booked then maybe slightly different.
But it hasn't even been booked.
I'd not be happy about this either.
I think it's time to get out there and enjoy yourself and let this one go.
It's early days - cut your loses.

I have said it doesn't sit quite right with me. She said she doesn't want to upset me, or let the ex down.

I really didn't want to be the person that gave ultimatums though. They are due to meet up on Saturday to have a chat about it. The ex also has a new girlfriend.

There are no children involved, they were together a long time though.

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable in being upset about it though.

If neither of them can see how this could be upsetting and inappropriate then if you stay in the relationship you’ll be in for a lifetime of more of the same and doubting if you’re being g unreasonable when you clearly aren’t!

If there were kids involved, I could kind of get it.

But, no I wouldn't be happy. Why can't all 4 of you go together, if they are just friends.

End this relationship it's damaging to you , your Self esteem .
Boundaries
Respect yourself move on

She should be planning a holiday with you .
Spending her annual leave with you

End this

She isn’t an ex. Neither of them wants to let go

Walk away before you get hurt

OP should really ask on a lesbian forum as there may be different preponderant community attitudes and interpretations compared with here, as the post from Zeze247 shows. (Although of course not everyone there would agree)

Not sure why it t's factor that they are lesbians .
It's an 'open ' relationship
Or it isn't
She's being disrespected

@pennycarbonara , I disagree. I'm pretty sure that the same rules apply whether you're in a same sex relationship or a not - if you feel disrespected then something's not right.

If they already had it booked it would be different...but to go ahead and book it now is just weird.

I think the problem is less the holiday and more whether you can cope long term with their closeness.

If you trust DP then the holiday will be over with soon enough. But they will still be in contact daily, etc.

Im a pretty "cool" woman (I think). DP is close to exes, but I couldnt deal with daily messaging and holidays. I dont remember ever feeling jealous about anyone re DP, but this would make me feel jealous and be bad for me. It could be like this forever, and there may be more holidays, will that be ok?

The only thing that might change this, is if youre likely to be introduced to ex and become friends as a wider group. Ex, exes new GF, you, your new GF, and others. That might help resolve any issues of jealousy and paranoia and lead to a more open dynamic where youre all involved rather it being just those two messaging and meeting up.

You have only been together a few months.

I would cut your losses and leave.

Find someone who is not still involved with their ex.

I really didn't want to be the person that gave ultimatums
Why give ultimatums?
I don't think anyone has said that.
Just end it.
She doesn't respect you enough or she wouldn't be doing this.
It's early days and it's already hard work.
Like I said - cut your losses!

I think you should suggest that you, and the ex’s new girlfriend, should both be invited along on the holiday.
Purely to see what reaction you get.
I think it might be quite revealing of the true state of their relationship.
My gut feeling is that your partner maybe is not yet sure whether she’s lesbian or bi or whatever, and is still fairly invested in her previous hetero relationship, with an unwillingness to fully commit to you. But unless you tackle these issues and discuss them with her, you will be left feeling insecure and in the dark about her feelings towards you.