He won't stop sulking

[onetiredmum]

Hi I really hope someone could offer me some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months. I'd just come out of a 17 year marriage and fell head over heels with this guy.

When things are good between us, my god are they good. He's amazing in bed ( it's been a long time without!) Great with my kids and very affectionate.

However I have 2 problems.

1. He keeps sulking. We fall out over minor things that turn into major fall outs and 3 days with of him sulking.

On Saturday we were having a childfree day having lunch and a beer in the pub when I just felt he was digging at me and I just felt quite offended. So I told him and he then went into himself. Only giving me one word answers. Although he did have a rant about how awful he was and what a horrible person he is etc.

Anyway I thought we should just forget about it within 10 mins but he's not yet stopped sulking. He says it was my fault for ruining the day. My fault for always going on at him. My fault as apparently I didn't want to spend time with him anyway?

He then ignores me. Won't sit in the Same room as me. Won't lie in the same bed. I miss him but he won't kiss me back. I talk but I get one word answers. He then leaves yesterday afternoon in a strop and hasn't come back. He text me this morning to say he loves me, but when I ask of he's calmed down he goes off at me no being able to drop it and constantly going on at him?!!!

I know In a day or two this will be over and he will return to normal but its really exhausting and tiring.

1. A few hours before this he brought me and him a donut.however my 5w9 son's saw them in the cupboard and ate them. I didn't stop them in all honesty. But he went mental saying how selfish and ungrateful they were. Especially my eldest! (13) I thought he was joking at first but he was fuming. He was pacing up and down the garden and couldn't even speak to my eldest he was so angry!!

Oh please can anyone offer me any advice on how to deal with this behaviour

Kind regards

Dump before goes further. I have the sulking with stbex and he has given me silent treatment for as long as 14 days in a row. Average 1-2 days but often 3-5. Also blames me for what he did.
My advice get out of relationship.

Wow..he threw a tantrum over a donut! Could have just gone to the shops and got more? Sorry but he’s weird and unpredictable and a bit worrying with that sort of behaviour. I wouldn’t find that attractive at all and definitely wouldn’t want it around my kids. Get rid.

I love how he sulks for days but you're the one who won't drop it but yeah he sounds really immature, you don't want another child to look after do you?

My abusive F was a sulker, I remember how my DM used to walk on eggshells, we all did. Looking back, we only ever did the things that he wanted to do. This included him deciding that we would be going to Saudi Arabia. She really didn't want to go and it was a miserable time for her, with 3 DC aged 5 and under.

One of my earliest memories is of him insisting on getting himself a dog when she made it clear that she didn't want one. She has told me that she was in tears whilst he was on the way to get the said dog. Then guess who had to spend her time looking after the her (yes it was a bitch). She was a much loved member of the family eventually but that doesn't make what he did okay.

He was also financially controlling with her and later with us. We were also told what to believe; he was a devoted Tory and wouldn't tolerate anyone disagreeing with him.

Men like this don't change. You seriously should get out of there, you've had excellent advice on this thread. You'll find that you're much stronger than you think.

I’m interested Lizzie48. Did your DM ever get rid of him?

Well, he died 20 years ago, so yes we did. Since then, my DM has completed a PhD at 70 years old. My DSis and I suffered SA and physical abuse as children. We have MH issues (PTSD) and my DB can't function as an adult.

He was ill with Parkinson's Disease, so it made it hard to see that he was an abuser. I now understand that he was simply an abusive twat who happened to be ill.

My DM and I have a difficult relationship and she can be controlling, so I'm low contact with her. It's also because of the past that I find it hard to allow her close.

The pub conversation sounds awful.

But regarding donutgate - yes first of all why didn't he buy four? But imagine someone coming on here, saying they bought a treat for their partner and themselves to have later when they were alone and he let his kids eat them. Wouldn't we be saying, god what a disney dad and how disrespectful to the poster?

Saying that, he does sound an arse .

Dump him, he sulks, he's manipulative and has weird rules around sharing food with kids. He sounds like a child. You deserve someone much better than that.

• also even if you do want a relationship with him, please don't inflict him on your children.

The thing is when you date someone with kids they are always around and a part of the package.

I don't date men with kids for this reason. The kids were there first and parents put them first and that is how it should be.

I personally don't want to be in second place or down the pecking order. If that is the case for him then don't pick someone with children because you will always be second and stuff like this happens. Trying to put yourself above the children is unfair and stupid.

I would have bought enough donuts for everyone in that instance, as you would with friends kids. Or take them sweets.

The answer isn't to sulk and pace around in the garden like a bell end.

He's eaten the four donuts you bought?

He sounds unhinged.

Sorry, but you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of sulking if you continue with this relationship. And as for donut-gate, that's just pathetic.

You've got yourself a pathetic, sulky manchild. Sorry.

Sulking from children is understandable. They don’t always have the language skills or emotional experience to negotiate the behaviour/idea. And we as responsible parents train them out of it.

Sulking from an adult is a form of control and a sign of stunted emotional development. Deeply unattractive and unhealthy.

Do want to be appeasing this man at the cost of your own and children’s happiness?
He must be a generous billionaire who can breath through his ears. Or not!

Please take heed and listen to the good advice that is being given to you. I married a man like this - although he didnt show this side of his character until after the marriage - he will not change - it will get worse - your children will grow to despise him as will you. You and your children deserve so much more. Unless you want a miserable life of walking on egg shells and waiting for the next tantrum please get out of this relationship and thank your lucky stars that you did. P

Onetiredmum you say He's currently depressed and has started getting help. I do feel sorry for him as I feel he needs support.

I suffer from chronic depression. That's is my problem - nobody else's I don't sulk or make people around me walk on eggshells, and neither should this manchild.

Being depressed isn't a get out of jail free card for treating other people like crap.

if a man came on here and complained about a sulky, moody partner who was having professional help with depression, would people be saying " ditch the shithead" or whatever?

Petrol If a male poster reported that his new girlfriend was repeatedly sulking, throwing tantrums and being nasty to his children all over very minor issues (like donuts) I would absolutely give the same advice.

Mental illness isn’t an excuse for verbally abusing your partner’s children.

The OP’s first responsibility is to her kids. This man may well need support but it doesn’t need to come from her and it shouldn’t come at the expense of her children.

No, MH issues are not an excuse for making the people around you miserable. I have PTSD and I do get stressed with my DDs, but I remove myself from the situation and give myself time to calm down before going back to them. It's never okay to take out the anger you're feeling on young children.

18 months and broken up a few times? Noooope. First couple of years should be a doddle, not just an absence of abuse (although....). Relationships at this stage are supposed to be relievig stress not adding to it!

Thankyou for all your responses. I've found the last few days really tough I've hardly spoke to him and when I have he's topd me i have to take responsibility for it all too as it's my fault too. He told me he wouldn't apologise as he's done nothing wrong, when i said 'fine we know where this is going then' he cried and cried and sobbed and sobbed! and blamed the whole lot on his depression and other shit he has going on in his life. He told me I was being unreasonable as I promised I would try and help him and he needs me. He said that when we had a disagreement despite it being small all his other crap came flooding back to him and took over making him more upset.

However every time we've broken up he uses the same thing.

I hate seeing him so heartbroken. I feel like he has nothing and No One and I just feel so sorry for him at the same time. So hence I haven't finished with him but I haven't said anything otherwise. I'm scared of upsetting him more but I'm also doubting myself, maybe i am to blame? I can't even think straight about it

God, no! You are not this guy’s emotional punchbag and neither are your kids. Depression never gives anyone a free pass to treat others like shit.

He is manipulating you big time. Open your eyes or you will never be rid of him, and certainly never be happy.

OP, this is classic emotional abuse. Treats you like shit then starts pulling on your heartstrings when you stand up to him

You are not responsible for this man. I know you care about him because you are a kind person but you owe him nothing. You are not his carer, or his mum, or his therapist. You have two boys of your own to consider. They didn't ask for all this drama to be brought into their lives.

Get rid. Life will become so much more peaceful. Speaking from experience, like many other posters

Give your head a Wobble op

He's abusive and you know it, stop inflicting this wankbadger on your kids, grow a giant pair and tell him to get to fuck

This is a rubbish example to set for your kids, and you absolutely deserve better
I doubt this is this drama llamas first time round the block, he's got all his crying and shit down to a fine art, he'll be suicidal next

If he pulls that shit just ring 101 and give them his address

He has mentioned suicide in the past. Saying he has nothing left without me.

God, I hate to think how he’d behave towards you if he had anything going for him!

If you are all he has and this is how he treats you, he doesn’t deserve you.

Oh op I'm pretty sure there's a script for dicks like him

Without sounding shitty, you won't have been the first he's pulled this stunt on
He's just sniffed you out and recognised your vulnerabilities, your boundaries are none existent, you should look in to doing the freedom course

I had one like him, he was always threatening suicide, he went in to my kitchen and filled his pockets with my box of solphadine, told him to fuck off and buy his own, bloody £7 a box they were.

He was the same with every woman he's ever been with, and is like it with his current gf, they don't change op