He won't stop sulking

[onetiredmum]

Hi I really hope someone could offer me some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months. I'd just come out of a 17 year marriage and fell head over heels with this guy.

When things are good between us, my god are they good. He's amazing in bed ( it's been a long time without!) Great with my kids and very affectionate.

However I have 2 problems.

1. He keeps sulking. We fall out over minor things that turn into major fall outs and 3 days with of him sulking.

On Saturday we were having a childfree day having lunch and a beer in the pub when I just felt he was digging at me and I just felt quite offended. So I told him and he then went into himself. Only giving me one word answers. Although he did have a rant about how awful he was and what a horrible person he is etc.

Anyway I thought we should just forget about it within 10 mins but he's not yet stopped sulking. He says it was my fault for ruining the day. My fault for always going on at him. My fault as apparently I didn't want to spend time with him anyway?

He then ignores me. Won't sit in the Same room as me. Won't lie in the same bed. I miss him but he won't kiss me back. I talk but I get one word answers. He then leaves yesterday afternoon in a strop and hasn't come back. He text me this morning to say he loves me, but when I ask of he's calmed down he goes off at me no being able to drop it and constantly going on at him?!!!

I know In a day or two this will be over and he will return to normal but its really exhausting and tiring.

1. A few hours before this he brought me and him a donut.however my 5w9 son's saw them in the cupboard and ate them. I didn't stop them in all honesty. But he went mental saying how selfish and ungrateful they were. Especially my eldest! (13) I thought he was joking at first but he was fuming. He was pacing up and down the garden and couldn't even speak to my eldest he was so angry!!

Oh please can anyone offer me any advice on how to deal with this behaviour

Kind regards

now I see he is depressed and you are going through a divorce, I think you need to give him time to recover.

Think again if you want him in your life after some time has elapsed.

Yeah get rid of him op, you don't need this stress

He's currently depressed and has started getting help. I do feel sorry for him as I feel he needs support.

That’s very sad, but his mental health shouldn’t come at the expense of yours.

This isn’t a good relationship model for your children.

You’ve broken up more than once and he’s promised repeatedly that thiis time it will be different... but it’s not different and he hasn’t changed.

Oh my word. I never expected so many people to reply. I'm going to down load that book right now x

Please don't put up with this, it's not normal behaviour, and is becoming self fulfilling as, in effect, every time you take him back you are feeding/rewarding this behaviour.
This is manipulation and emotional abuse.
You and your children deserve better than this (and why buy only 2 donuts, when he knows you've got 2 kids? Buy 4, or none at all - else it only serves to torment and exclude the kids)

Anon is right, bringing two donuts to a home with three inhabitants is really quite strange.

Sulking is a class way for people to force others to bend to their will. Very passive aggressive. And it happens not just with relationships. I had a flatmate who was a huge sulker - I got sucked in for a while then realised it was ridiculous and simply ignored her. Which, of course, I see now absolutely INFURIATED her because before then I was at her beck and call and she had a very nice life as my flatmate with me dong most of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and paying.....

I'm always willing to give people benefit of the doubt, but even if I did in this case, my response would be to him that if this is how he behaves, ehe can go do it somewhere else and that I'm not putting up with it. If he ups the ante, you know he's just an abusive prick. If he makes an effort to change, maybe he's worth trying with. But as a PP said, it's not worth sticking around for a man who is relatively new to your life and who is already dragging you down.

Why didn’t this man child get your kids a doughnut too?

Sorry missed the PP who already queried this. Exactly what I was thinking Anonymum.
He’s already starting to pick on your kids. That is abhorrent, who does he think he is.

If you are going through a divorce, is it wise to take on a man with mental health issues, when you could be concentrating on helping yourself and your children through the upheaval of a divorce. That’s even before you get on to the obvious abuse nature of this man.

I mean this in a kind way. Look after yourself

As the daughter of a man who did this, please get rid of him now. I can remember the Sundays we were not allowed to talk, watch TV or listen to the radio lest we wake my father when he took to a bed in a strop.

Perhaps that is why I stopped speaking to him at 16, drove him nuts but saved me having to deal with a narcissistic bully.

Get rid; life’s too short for all that drama over doughnuts.

He’s not great with your kids. Pacing up and down the garden in a rage over a doughnut, when he was actually mean enough to not bring them one in the first place?

Tell him you wouldn’t tolerate that shit from your 13yo, so you sure won’t take it from him, and goodbye.

Get rid of this dickhead. Block his number after you dump him for the umpteenth time. If he turns up on your doorstep all apologetic you will know it is all bullshit.

There are plenty of men with a golden dick who will have no strings sex with you.

Has he apologised for overreacting at your children yet?

Have you told your children that he was out of order and you have stood up for them? Divorce must be hard on them too. Mum hanging round with an abusive twat must be stressing the hell out of them.

He called me about an hour ago and without change for me to speak he just said lets forget about it and move on. He was stressed and seemed nervous to talk to me. Luckily my home phone rang and had to put the phone down to him. He said he would call me later.

Yeah I did stand up for the kids. I think that pissed him off even more. I went back to the shop and brought 4 more, just asked the kids if they had one and they replied that he had eaten all of them!! Bloody cheek

if a man came on here and complained about a sulky, moody partner who was having professional help with depression, would people be saying " ditch the shithead" or whatever?

It’s emotional abuse.

It’s one thing to be upset and need to go for a walk to clear your head so you don’t say something you regret. It’s quite another to use emotional withdrawal as a weapon.

Nope the fuck out of here.

I could also have written about the special food treats which he used to take great delight in consuming in front of us... and then insist on sharing whatever we had, even down to slices of birthday cake brought home from parties.

Move on OP, move on and buy a rabbit, it won't nick your donuts!

Him phoning to 'move on' is a manipulative response to you standing up to him. Did he apologise? Nope! He wants you to forget it happened and never refer to it again. Even after he does it again and again. Being nervous was an act. He's expecting you to back down and apologise. Be very careful when he phones back. He'll twist what happened. He'll twist it until you can't remember exactly what did happen.
He called your children selfish ffs. Over a donut. He hasn't apologised because he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. Please don't accept such awful behaviour. Especially for your children!

If man came on here and complained about a sulky, moody partner who was having professional help with depression, would people be saying " ditch the shithead" or whatever

Yes, this is a new relationship, she has children so they do not need be impacted by him or her (if genders reversed).
However men's anger can be worse as they are in most cases stronger and intimidating.

Op, if he is doing this in the honeymoon phase he has big issues to deal with and is slowly revealing himself to you..there will be worse to come.

What life begins at 50 says

If I had needed the early signs I would have saved myself a lot of misery

If it's bad now it won't improve

I do feel sorry for him as I feel he needs support. But I'm going through a divorce myself and have my own crap to deal with.

Yes, and where is your support? When do you get tolerance, understanding, forgiveness, help, affection, care etc. etc?

You don't.

This may be caused by his depression, or not (not, obvs) but does that matter? Are you prepared to put up with it is the only relevant question.

My Dad was a sucker. He could go a week or two without talking to my Mum. He's passed away now but she can't say boo to a goose and is only really confident about doing things when I've told her to do them. It's so sad as he was lovely in every other way - just destroyed her self confidence. I have zero tolerance for sulkers and would also say get rid. It's bloody miserable being a child in that sort of environment.

Sulker not sucker.

Your poor children. They haven’t asked to have this shithead in their lives. Is this really want for them? And aren’t you worth more? You have no history with him, you owe him nothing. Run while you can.