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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I just want a shower on my own....

70 replies

Thudercatsrule · 21/07/2018 17:53

Arghhh....just want to vent a bit. My DH and I don’t have a great sex life, my fault as I have no interest lately.

We’re away at Centreparcs at the moment and when he was sleeping yesterday I thought I’d jump in the shower, ours is broken at home so a fancy shower is a luxury at the mo. I was standing naked just about to get in and he woke up, he pounced on me, touching, me all over, when I said no, he sulked so badly I let him come i the shower with me, even tho it’s my time of month, really regret it now.

Now, he said sulking again because I said I want a shower on my own. Am I being selfish? I know I have no sex drive and don’t find him attractive anymore, but cant I have 10mins 😞

Arghhhhh.....

OP posts:

abbsisspartacus · 21/07/2018 17:55

Your with my ex run now!

Rebecca36 · 21/07/2018 17:56

I feel sorry about your lack of interest in sex but it's not unusual.
Nothing wrong with wanting to shower on your own, not everything has to be a joint effort.

Singlenotsingle · 21/07/2018 18:02

We all lose interest after a while. It's perfectly normal (if a bit inconvenient!) He's rather insensitive to assume he's welcome in your shower though.

Thedutchwife · 21/07/2018 18:02

He’s pressuring you to have sex.

Ragwort · 21/07/2018 18:16

He sounds really unattractive and needy, doesn't the bathroom have a lock on it?

Jeippinghmip · 21/07/2018 18:21

No wonder you don't fancy him, he sounds like an arse.

Northernparent68 · 21/07/2018 21:37

It’s perfectly reasonable to want to have sex with your spouse, and On this site women in sexless relationships are given a lot of sympathy.
You need to address this issue

Curiousquestioning · 21/07/2018 21:40

I agree that sex is part of a healthy relationship but I don't think showering together has to be. Myself and my DH showered together in the very early days but never did since. The shower is just too small and I like to sing, relax and eh..wash myself! It's claustrophobic with someone else in there...

hiddeneverything · 21/07/2018 21:48

Oh that's made my shudder. I hate any unwelcome touching and I'd hate DH intruding in my shower. I get annoyed when he decides that the best time for a cuddle/kiss/grab is when I want to walk from the living room or kitchen to the toilet. No. Just no. I have two young DC so would like to do that walk solo!

Anyway, the point of my post is I agree with you!

Lottie35 · 21/07/2018 21:53

Gross.

Sorry but this is a red flag. My ex was very manipulative, abusive (police had to get involved towards the end). He would knock on the bathroom door , demand to come in when I was in there or just walk in...it's an invasion of your privacy.

At the time I thought I was over-reacting but it felt wrong of him. By you taking the time to write this message it hows you know it is wrong.

Sounds like he's a brat. You deserve better and no wonder you don't have a sex drive!

Singlenotsingle · 21/07/2018 22:04

We don't have a lock on our bathroom door. If the door's shut, it's occupied!

Vicky1990 · 21/07/2018 22:13

Of course he is pissed off, he was been loving and you rejected him, that hurts.

Crunched · 21/07/2018 22:15

We all lose interest after a while
Ummm... 30 years here and I haven’t.
Of course you should be given space when you need it but I think you know you need to address your lack of attraction to DH.

Sweetandkind · 21/07/2018 22:21

Uninvited groping is loving?! Yuk😦

stevesmithsmum · 21/07/2018 22:21

He sounds really unattractive and needy,

No, he sounds like he’s missing intimacy and is trying to regain it while on holiday. Anyway, if that’s how the op feels, I doubt the marriage is built on sturdy foundations.

We all lose interest after a while

Sounds like a jail sentence, not a marriage.

Mxyzptlk · 21/07/2018 22:24

Clutching and then sulking isn't my idea of being loving.
Does he do a lot of sulking, OP? That could be pretty off-putting.

MarcieBlue · 21/07/2018 22:29

I equally would be sad if my partner didn't initiate sex ever.

Canshopwillshop · 21/07/2018 22:29

Jeez poor guy getting the reactions on here. Red flag/pressurising you to have sex/shuddering. Sex is quite normal and natural as part of a healthy relationship and clearly it’s been a problem lately for you. Maybe he thought as you are away on hols, a bit more relaxed etc, then things could be different. Sounds like he’s wrong so tell him. If you dont communicate how the hell will he know?

1stMrsF · 21/07/2018 23:04

YANBU to want a shower on your own but perhaps he was just trying to be spontaneous/rekindle some interest? I know it can be difficult but if you can try and talk to him it might help? Along the lines of 'I'm sorry if you felt rejected but I was really looking forward to some alone time in the shower'. If you felt you might like to do it another time you could suggest that?

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/07/2018 23:11

Yes op you sound selfish.

PsychedelicSheep · 21/07/2018 23:40

*I know I have no sex drive and don't find him attractive anymore
*
This is the problem. Do you think it's fair to ask him to be in a monogamous relationship with someone who doesn't find him attractive and refuses to be intimate with him. I don't.

SuperSuperSuper · 22/07/2018 00:16

I was in your position a few years ago. I couldn't have a lie-in without finding him on top of me and he made my skin crawl.

You both need to move on. You cannot expect him to stay in a sexless relationship, and you can't put up with being groped and then sulked at.

PositivelyPERF · 22/07/2018 00:22

Yes op you sound selfish

You know it’s not the 1950s anymore, don’t you? Women are allowed to not want sex. It’s not about having to have sex just because a man is horny.

Sistersofmercy101 · 22/07/2018 00:27

So let me get this straight... if a man wants to straight up grope you - "he's being loving " - no it's called sexual harassment. Being married is SUPPOSED to be about RESPECT and clearly OPs husband thinks she's a piece of meat that he can get to shag whenever he wants - which explains the sulking behaviour at her totally reasonable negative response to uninitiated sexual advances (she's naked in her own home in her own bathroom because she wants a shower) and he thinks she's out of order for saying no?
Totally utterly disgusting red flag behaviour OP - YADNBU!!

PsychedelicSheep · 22/07/2018 00:31

The sulking is shitty but so is avoiding the issue and just expecting him to be celibate now.

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