Does anyone elses DH mock their music tastes?

[ShirazShirley]

Because mine does, and I’ve only just realised how much it annoys the hell out of me.

Dh is very into rock/metal bands. Shortly after we moved in together he proclaimed he couldn’t listen to ‘shite’ music and will pull faces, moan and strop about if I put anything on he deems as below his musical tastes.

I’m not sure if it was the whole blinded by love thing, or the fact that he helped me leave from a previously abusive relationship when we were just friends, but I’ve just sort of sucked it up before.

I’ve just realised today that I’ve essentially stopped listening to any music that I personally like over the years. I’ve always been happy to listen to ‘his’ music constantly, even if I didn’t like it that much, because to be honest I wouldn’t ever moan about someone’s music choice, and it made him happy.

And I’ve just realised it today because for the first time, rather than hiding on a different floor of the house or putting in headphones to listen to ‘my’ music, I’d started a trial of apple’s music (where you can try different genres and find any song you want for a monthly fee)

I wanted to try it because we were considering getting an apple homepod smart speaker.

I decided to mess around with it and found that I actually quite like some Spanish, country and pop music, as well as some classic rock. So I made a playlist to exercise to and shower with this morning.

Dear lord.

You’d think I’d just shot dh’s Puppy. The looks, the disdainful sniffs.

He’s announced that in fact he would HATE to get a HomePod speaker, and we will not be getting one, because he can’t stand listening to any music that he doesn’t explicitly like and approve of.

I should throw him out shouldn’t I?

Oh god, my recent ex was like this with the TV.

I also never listened to music in the house, and he’d change the radio station the minute he got in my car.

Drove me mad.

I think this view of music is really immature actually, and probably symptomatic of other character flaws. I think people generally out of thinking that their taste in music is "cooler" than other people's by the age of about 14...

You went from one abusive relationship into yet another one; this man targeted you because you had been abused. Your boundaries were skewed and that made you more vulnerable. His rescuing was an act designed to draw you in. He "rescued" you and now thinks you owe him for everything including his musical tastes. Dissent from you in any form is not at all tolerated.

I would think he controls you in other ways as well and not just through music. And yes you should throw him out though he won't want to leave that quietly or at all easily. He would then have to find another sap to latch onto and target her and that takes time and work, neither of which he wants to do. I would plan your exit from this marriage very carefully, get a good Solicitor who is well versed in the ways of such manipulative men and seek help from Womens Aid and the Rights of Women organisations.

In the nicest possible way to you, OP, I would get rid. I couldn't live the rest of my time in this relationship not being able to do things that made me happy.

Well, actually I also had a bit of cold water splashes in me the other day.

MIL was round and started talking about DH’s dad having a go at her for whitening her teeth and buying a new dress, because she was going on holiday with her sister and he thought she was having an affair with someone at the holiday destination.

They are in their sixties...

It felt like being gut punched. Dh is like this, I honestly thought it would get better with age. The thought of it still being the same terrifies me.

My ex was controlling in other ways too. That’s why I left.

Yes, my ex did this. Fortunately, he is an ex. DH has appointed me the in-car DJ now and doesn’t criticize my choices.

I bloody hate music snobs. DH and I have completely different music tastes, but other than the odd eye roll (in both directions) we’re both happy for the other to listen to what they like.

My ex mocked many of my choices. Music, food, hobbies, job, car, holidays. He loved me but he didn’t like me anymore because he had gone up in the world through his job. He thought I should shop at Waitrose and have a posh car etc etc etc. I became more entrenched in the lifestyle I wanted and believed in. He even had our DCs sniggering at me.

We grew apart because I met someone who respected my choices (however wacky they might be sometimes) and I realised that I didn’t have to be disrespected.

Joining the roll call of “my ex did this”

Two things in play here:

1. Light misogyny “women don’t know fuck all about music”
2. Control “I won’t have you play what I don’t enjoy so will make it impossible for you to do that”

Look, my favourite band is The Fall. DH’s favourite album is “The Trevor Nelson Collection”
But we’ve never acted to each other like your DH does to you cos I’m in a relationship where respect is paramount, unlike my marriage to XH.

Seems daft, but it’s telling OP. Think.

Yes and I mock his right back. our dc back me up now too.

Neither of us now listen to much music at home although I will bung a CD when he is out sometimes.
Mostly I just listen on headphones or in the car.

I am considerate about it because I don't want to piss him off, listening to music I don't like is uncomfortable for me, I imagine it is for him too.

I used to dance, a lot, at home. I used to dance and sing while I was cleaning, cooking, everything really.

Isn’t it stupid, all of the things that could eventually make me upset and it’s feeling sad that I don’t dance around the house happy anymore.

ShirazShirley I stopped singing when I was with XH.

Now with DH I happily honk away to ABBA loudly when I’m peeling spuds.

Darling, you sound like the scales may be falling from your eyes XX

DP and I have opposing musical tastes and it’s hard to agree what to put on the radio. I find myself being quite snobbish about his music sometimes but do try and catch myself doing it and stop.

One thing that’s helped is that I’ve managed to pinpoint exactly what aspects of his music I dislike, so if we’re listening together we can listen to groups that he likes but playing the types of songs that I don’t hate. It sounds like your DH’s attitude problem is a bigger issue, but if you do think he’d be willing to compromise could you ask him to try and articulate what aspects of our music he dislikes (objectively, not just saying ‘it’s shit’)? For example, I don’t like music I think of as ‘one miserable man and his guitar’. Cheerful guitar-players are fine, and there’s usually something a bit more upbeat on an album .

God i hate music snobs.

I mock his. He's a proper 80s boy. Our next concerts are The The and Soft Cell.

Buy the speaker and listen to whatever you like. Ignore the complaints. Tell him rock and metal is a genre but taste is not the same thing as quality, and there is well-crafted and poorer-quality music in every style.

(Personal taste that is, not "good taste").

And yes, he sounds arrogant and controlling.

I don't like his attitude
Who died and made him the king of music? Don't hang around to see how much worse this can get

My bf loves cool indie stuff and I love Beyonce. He doesn't roll his eyes or mock the music I like because he likes me. It's a respect issue op.

My dp and I have very different musical taste. Sound like the opposite to you, he’s country I’m a little bit rock and roll. In the house whoever puts the music on choses it but will happily change after a while. In the car we usually do 1 persons music there and another back. But there’s never any animosity. There’s a few songs I ask him to skip because they reduce me to tears (classic country, alcoholic abusive husband, crying baby) and he is uncomfortable with the sweariest music so I tend to skip.
In your position I would tell him to shape up or ship out. I can’t bear face pulling and eye rolling.

Yes, throw him out. My ex was like this.

Yes my ex did. Always his music in the car and at home. If something I liked came on the radio and I started to sing, he would turn it off. If someone else was with us and they said they liked a song he would let them have it on the radio for example but he'd mock it the whole time.