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Original poster

Ex blocked me after I wrote to him - was it that bad?!

66 replies

MontgomeryMoose · 18/07/2018 20:36

Long time lurker, but this is my first post so please be gentle!

My boyfriend ended things with me about a month ago. The other day I found a DVD which I'd bought him before we split, and as I didn't have the receipt to return it, I decided to sent it to him along with a letter.

The letter was brief and I talked about whilst I was sad things had ended, that I accepted his decision and that I thought he was a great guy and I was glad that I was able to date him for a short while as he had made me really happy. I mentioned that I was hurt by the method of ending things (via text Angry), the fact that he didn't give me a proper reason for splitting up, and that I'd felt we'd had potential for a great future based on how well we'd got along.

He messaged me on WhatsApp today to say that whilst he'd like to thank me for the DVD he felt the letter showed two things - that I think he has poor judgement and that I think he's a liar. He's now blocked me on all forms of messaging.

Whilst I've clearly dodged a bullet, I'm struggling to get my head round how someone can react in that way. He has a background of bad anxiety and some mental health problems but I don't see how anything I said to him couldn't have triggered such a bad reaction. Nothing I put in the letter was a criticism of his judgement and at no point did I accuse him of being a liar.

For context, we have mutual friends and I know there's nobody else involved.

I've got no intention on contacting him again (I can't anyway!), but I'd be interested to know if any of you have experience something similar as it's really thrown me and I'm wondering if I ever knew him at all!

OP posts:
Cawfee · 18/07/2018 20:39

Blimey! Definitely a bullet dodged. He’s obviously projecting and has demonised you in his own mind so that he can feel better about what he did. He’s very touchy and I think your letter sounded very generous to me. Forget him. When he changes his mind for God’s sakes don’t let him back in!! He’s weird!

Gin96 · 18/07/2018 20:42

You are to good for him, move on and don’t waste anymore of your time on him. You are lucky, you can now have a new start and concentrate on you, he sounds like hard work anyway

Greenyogagirl · 18/07/2018 20:44

Could it be ‘you didn’t give me a proper reason for splitting up’ was taken as you calling him a liar and ‘we could have been good together’ taken as him ending things is poor judgement? It does sound like you’re better off without him though

Coco2891 · 18/07/2018 20:45

I would have just got rid of the dvd and left well alone if someone dumped me by txt-forget about him

SpiritedLondon · 18/07/2018 20:49

Oh god I slightly see why he’s behaved like that. Why would you do that ? Write a letter a month after you’d split up and send a DVD? I cannot think of a single ex partner that I would have wanted to have heard from a month down the line after splitting from them. I would have been absolutely cringing. It just comes across as a bit desperate and needy. Even if you believe you deserve an explanation the time has passed.... he isn’t going to give you one. Move on.... because he sure as shit has. Sorry OP - tough love and all that.

SandyY2K · 18/07/2018 21:17

Your letter gave him much power. It's like you were grateful to have been in a relationship with him.

When you give people the power...they often abuse it or abuse you.

HellenaHandbasket · 18/07/2018 22:35

How long were you together?

chicola · 18/07/2018 22:37

You probably came across as Whiny.

Never mind, onwards and upwards.

blitzen · 18/07/2018 22:39

Just wanted to say, I love your username, OP! I am a fellow Get Along Gang fan x

ToEarlyForDecorations · 18/07/2018 22:49

What a snob he is.

High handed arrogance of the first order from him.

You're just reeling from his cuntish reply. Be grateful it's ended. You would have gone round and round with his nonsense and his arrogance otherwise.

He's sent you away with a flea in your ear, frankly. There's also an element of, 'don't you question me, girl.' He wasn't expecting to hear from you again.

Breath taking arrogance.

Hopefully you will have learned from this.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 18/07/2018 22:51

It's, 'I told you once, didn't I' from him.

You're well rid.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 18/07/2018 22:52

He made damn sure he got the last word once and for all this time !

P00ka · 18/07/2018 22:54

You only believed you were grateful you were with him for a brief while despite being dumped because you were missing him.

I think the authentic emotion in your letter made him feel very uncomfortable and he blocked you rather than 'sit with it'.

AsleepAllDay · 18/07/2018 22:55

He's rude!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 18/07/2018 23:03

I think since you only dated for only a short while your letter was inappropriate. I think it was cringy and went over the top, and he probably got a very intense and a little bunny boilery vibe from it and decided to block all future contact.

Honeyroar · 18/07/2018 23:04

Your letter probably made his opinion of himself wobble. He's got over the slight guilt he had when he split up with you, and your letter raked it up again. He didn't like feeling bad again, so he lashed out at you and blocked you so it wouldn't happen again.

While it was kind of nice to send the DVD, you'd probably have been wiser not putting the probably honest, but critical letter in. You should've given it to a charity shop.

DamsonPie · 18/07/2018 23:04

He probably didn’t want to be contacted by you again. Especially not with a whiny “I’m so sad” letter that made him feel bad. He doesn’t care if you’re sad. He cares about you so little that he dumped you by text. In your situation I’d have ebayed the DVD and got on with my life. Don’t contact him again Flowers

Costacoffeeplease · 18/07/2018 23:07

It’s a weird thing to have done and I can see his point. You’ve probably both dodged a bullet. Forget him and move on

Copperbonnet · 18/07/2018 23:09

To be fair, if I received a gift and that letter from someone I broke up with a month ago I assume they were hoping to get back together.

If I wasn’t interested I’d make that clear and block them.

It doesn’t sound like he was particularly polite in his message but I can absolutely see why he reacted as he has.

I’m not really sure why you are surprised to be blocked tbh.

Regardless it’s clearly time to move on.

Ddssdd · 18/07/2018 23:12

I mentioned that I was hurt by the method of ending things (via text angry), the fact that he didn't give me a proper reason for splitting up, and that I'd felt we'd had potential for a great future based on how well we'd got along.

So, you questioned his decision to split up with you. Who does that?Confused

He doesn't feel the same, does he. Why can't you accept that and why wait a month. Did you think he would miss you?

I am sorry to say this, but it's creepy behaviour. Let him go.

POPholditdown · 18/07/2018 23:19

What was your expectation following the letter?

I’m not seeing why he’s coming out the ‘bad guy’ in this (neither are you just to be clear!) it’s just his response to what you wrote. He’s not abusing you as a pp suggested!

He was probably a bit bemused to receive a letter of all things, when presumably you’ve not spoken since you broke up? Obviously we don’t know your history but I would have taken his reply as very matter of fact, as though he’s saying he realised he made the right decision.

TBH if you’d have posted the reverse and that your ex was writing you such letters, I think the people would be saying he’s trying to get into your head and trying to emotional guilt trip you in to reconciling.

Were you trying to maybe get closure/the last word in?

Baumederose · 18/07/2018 23:40

Some of these are a bit harsh!

You only returned a dvd and tried to be decent!

I think it says more about him than you.

So what if you wanted to get back together? He didn't need to be such a dick about it. No need to be rude, dear.

You've dodged a bullet. There is someone better for you than that.

I try and end things amicably. There is only one I wouldn't ever speak to again as he was an abusive cunt.

No need to be enemies in my book. It didn't work out, ok, next!

Sammyham88 · 18/07/2018 23:41

Think it's more him who dodged a bullet, you'd been split up for a month and then decided to write him a letter like this? While sending him the DVD was a kind gesture if I were him I'd feel like you were only sending it me so you could attach this letter and you kind of did question his judgement when you started going on about how you could have had potential, he made his decision and clearly didn't feel the same way. He ended it in a really cowardly way but it's time to move on.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 18/07/2018 23:50

I think you found a reason to contact him and air your grievances about how he handled the break up. You wanted the last word. He was right to block you.

NordicNobody · 18/07/2018 23:53

A guy I was briefly dating a long time ago sent me letter after I ended it saying similar things and closed with the line "we could have had something great if you'd just given it a chance". I can't quite put my finger on why but it annoyed me an irrational amount. He was a lovely guy, I just didn't feel any chemistry towards him. I think it was the suggestion that I needed a "proper" reason to dump him, and that simply not feeling it wasn't good enough. Like I owed it to him somehow to stick it out and see if I developed feelings. I'm sure that's not how you intended it, but that may have been how he took it. I don't think the way he responded was necessary though. Personally I didn't reply at all to the guy who sent me that letter.

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