Ex and I want to have a baby together - could this work ?

[mamarupaul]

the long and short of it is - together 6 years, engaged to be married, he cheated and we broke up. We have a 4 year old son together and he is the most amazing dad ever. We are both desperate for another baby, son is desperate for a sibling - but I dont think I could trust him enough to get back together. We both have houses, work full time and earn a decent wage. To me it seems like why not? Am I being completley delusional? Help!

• Edit: we are both single and have no plans to find new partners, if that makes a difference!

Even if he does let you down in the future, you do already have a DS. I can't see how it wouldn't be better for him to have a sibling, even in the worst case scenario of your Ex disappearing from his life. And realistically, he's no more likely to disappear than any other father.

I think I would prefer the idea of them having the same father to accommodate re weekends etc. should you fall in love with someone else later too. I think in your shoes, I probably would.

Unconventional but as long as you can make it work primarily for the baby and your DS I don't see why not. Presumably you are both in a position to financially support the baby and your maternity leave. Your DS gets a sibling and the baby gets 2 loving parents even if they don't live together. Emotionally though it could be tough on all of you especially if new partners come on to the scene.

Hi - I don’t see anything wrong with this - however I would make sure you go with him and he is checked out for any STDs first.
You also may not to want to meet anyone else (yet) but you need to be clear about how you really would feel if he met someone else down the line.
Do you live in the same house now.?

Why not? Go for it. I agree with AnotherEmma's concerns though.

Sounds great!

So both of you are going to be celibate for the next 18 years and/or getting by with casual hook ups?

Sounds a bit grim (and unlikely) and it’s an odd model of relationships for your DC to be exposed to.

He has given me his word he would stay single, as would I
Oh well then, that solves everything...!!???
You absolutely cannot guarantee this.
You never know what is around the corner.
This has 'car crash' written all over it!

Do it (get pregnant) but don’t Do It (have sex). Muddies the waters. Artificial insemination, blood sibling, co-parent. As soon as you’re having sex, it’s back to an intimate relationship ...

You can't just decide to stay single. It doesn't work like that. When til? The rest of your lives?! It just seems like a miserable way to do things, not that you'd be single but that you would write off meeting anyone ever again.

Imagine the fall out when one of you inevitably breaks this part of the deal.

If you have lots of sex to conceive then I also suspect one or both of you will catch feelings again. Then you risk a kind of half-relationship where you're not really together but not really apart, and that could go on for years, especially if you're both determined to stay single (and when each of you says single - does that mean lots of hooks ups/NSA with the other fulfilling a familial need?)

If he cheated and is really sorry, are you SURE he isn't doing this because he thinks he'll win you back?

I think it’s a perfectly good plan except the staying single bit. It’s totally unfair and unrealistic to expect this from yourself or him. I would make a written coparenting plan which includes at what point and what circumstances a new partner would be introduced, could help care for your child etc.

I read a similar thread a while back, have you posted this before?

It's a selfish idea.
Just get back together & be done with it.
Not everyone who has cheated does it again.