Anyone else hiding in their bedroom?

[Frizzbeol]

Well my son has just smashed up the shed and my ex who is here to watch the football has screamed at me that I am a moron and a stupid fucking cunt. All over a game of fucking football

Thanks for your concern but I'm not in any danger. Just came on to have a moan and I suppose to reach out to others who might be experiencing similar. I will say thst I have been lurking on Mumsnet for years and it was Mumsnet who gave me the nevessary insight and strength to say enough. I ended our relationship two years ago and have't looked back. Thank you wonderful ladies

"Having a moan" is what someone might do if their partner didn't do the dishes or forgot to put the bin out, not:

Well my son has just smashed up the shed and my ex who is here to watch the football has screamed at me that I am a moron and a stupid fucking cunt

Well you're not looking forward if he's in your house and abusing you.
Not in any danger. If your limits is him actually beating you up then there are some serious issues.

Nobody who treats you like this should be anywhere near you or your home.

Well you're braver than I am. A bunch of angry male drunks who've shown a tendency to scream at me and smash things for things that have nothing to do with me would definitely alarm me and I'd want them a long way away.

Stay safe.

I'm glad you're okay: with regards to the ex.

Leave your son to sleep for now; but please don't let him brush this under the carpet. His future relationships will suffer because he can't control his anger - no future partner deserves that. Help him.

This is not being brave.

This is being foolhardy.

Emma198 Me too

Don't have him round again. If your son is old enough to drink he's old enough to watch football with his dad at his dad's place.

If you ended the relationship two years ago, why is he still turning up at your house to verbally abuse you? He can see your son’s somewhere else. There is no reason for him to be drunk in your house and your son behaving the same.

You need to take this seriously and stop letting your son witness his father's behaviour, as it is clearly affecting him.

How old is your son, OP?

Your son has learned that behaviour from his father. By letting him in your house to behave like that you are part of the problem I'm afraid.
Stop that cycle now.
No more football watching by your ex in your home - I actually wouldn't let him in at all.
If they want to watch together it's at your ex house or a pub (where if they behaved like that they would be arrested )
Your son doesn't return to your home until he is sober and his behaviour is respectful.
Value yourself more.

You seem to define “lovely” as anyone who will offer you an apology for covering you in shit after he shat on you. That’s not what lovely means.

Ffs talk about under reacting to a situation. For the record your son is not lovely.

None so blind as a mother and I am a mother, OP. Take another look at your son and see if you can get him some help. He obviously is taking after his father and he has no control over his anger. If he doesn't realise this he will end up hurting more than a shed and not everything can be repaired.

I agree with this. I have a young adult son and can be blinded sometimes (dh sometimes refers to him as "the little prince") but not so I don't see bad, dangerous or criminal behaviour. I want to help my son - accepting an apology and pretending nothing happened won't help your son.

Your son's reaction was not right. Maybe he was egged on by his dad but it still isn't right - apologies or not. Leverage off the apology and remorse and ask him to get some help for anger/drink/whatever it is that made him smash up someone else's shed because a football game was lost.

No idea why you let the ex in your house but I suspect he has kicked your boundaries to hell over the years so it is hard to say no.

Your poor son. Dad too childish to teach him how to behave like a grownup, mum too weak and indulgent to have taught him that throwing tantrums is unacceptable.

He'll probably end up in prison sooner or later if no one can be bothered to teach him that violent outbursts are not the way to deal with disappointment.

Glad to hear that you are safe. Please try to learn from this. You very much sound like you want to write off your op as some kind of "blowing off steam" and resume business as usual without having any intention of making any changes.

You know the tone of the replies on here smack of victim blaming. Tonight's behaviour was not under my control and was the result of Englad losing a World Cup semi final. Yes, my children's Dad is a knob and I am trying to manage that as best I can. Calling the police, trying to chuck him out or banning him from ever entering the house again would be right in an ideal world but as we all know real life is sligjtly more nuanced. Like I said he will be gone tomorrow. I dont really know how ro respond to the poster who has suggested my son's one off violent outburst will mean that he ends up in prison frankly

You are not to blame for anything OP.

But houses up and down England are dealing with the result of England losing a world cup semi final. In the majority of them teenagers/young adults are not smashing up the shed. Your son did and you, as his mother, need to decide what to do about that. Accept it as normal behaviour - or not.

I think you know this though - that is why you posted.

Your ex is another matter. Glad he is an ex.

“My sine a lovely boy” 🙄 yeah course he is

I don't accept it as normal behaviour and I will make sure he puts it right. Some of the replies do suggest though that I am somehow responsible. I accept that his Dad is not the best influence on him and that would be why he was asked to leave the family home. Beyond that I can only do so much, short of turning back time and not having a child with him in the first place. Its not ideal but it is what it is.

He genuinely is. I'm not going to be drawn that. Say what you like.

You don’t have to let your ex back into your home though. Would you accept his behaviour from anyone else who was a guest?

journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0022427813494843

38% increase in DV if England lose in a world cup match. 9000% was a typo or made up by someone.

Well the Apple isn't falling far from the tree with your son. In a few years he will have a partner hiding from his violence and the cycle will continue. You have the power to stop this by not teaching him that this is normal. Throw the abusive ex out or call the police.

Tonight's behaviour was not under my control and was the result of Englad losing a World Cup semi final.

It was not the result of England losing - you are blaming the wrong source now, just as you suggest there is victim blaming going on.

It was the result of an older man, and a young man behaving aggressively and violently respectively when life didn’t go their way.

An older man and a young man with an excessive alcohol consumption to either fuel (or use as an excuse for )their bad behaviour.

I’ll give you one of the only scenarios wher the young man’s apology would hold water with me.

1. in the morning he rises early to clear up the mess in the garage made by himself, his friends, and his thuggish father.
2. as soon as the stores open/straight after work he buys what is required to fix the shed.
3. he is so disgusted by his behaviour last night that he resolves to never drink alcohol again as he can’t risk being violent like that again. And sticks to it.
4. there is some clear acknowledgment that he does not want to become like his violent and abusive father.

I am not blaming you for anything that happened last night, but please don’t minimise behaviour do terrible that you had to hide in your own home. You are worth much more.