Please could you give me your honest opinions on the dating site POF

[Bubblesandcake]

On tinder....I feel like im shopping.
When I do get a match, nobody chats. I have tried chatting first and a hand full appear passive.
Thought I'd try a dating site but can't really afford to pay.
I have heard horror stories about POF. Apparently no good for your self esteem?

I didn't know you could hide your profile. The thing is with messaging 1st....isn't that against the dating rules? They peruse you?
It all made me feel a bit rubbish.

I’ve set my filters but it keeps telling me ifs widening them for me and I end up with a load of crap to sift through

I had 30-45 within 50 miles which I don’t think is too narrow. It keeps changing it to 28-50 and 75 miles!

no the messaging works both ways there is nothing to stop you messaging someone you like the look of, thats what i did with my now DP. read his profile, we had quite a few things in common, (live music, motorbikes), he wasnt that far from me, and educated and working, hes a university lecturer, so i messaged him said i liked his profile and outlook on life, he messaged me back and suggested meeting for a coffee the next day, and the rest as they say is history 4.5 years later we are together and life is good

Please tell me what POF stands for! (Apols. New to this)

I met dh on pof nearly 9 years ago. I messaged him first. I set my settings so it appeared that I lived in a different town than I actually do so I didn’t appear when local people searched me, so I could search them instead! (Didn’t want to bump into anyone in the small town I live in who might have seen me)!

Very happily married. One dc aged 6. I have a child (now teen) from a previous marriage, dh is a wonderful step dad.

I think anything online is a bit like real life - lots and lots of frogs. You just need to be brutal and filter them out with the block button. Also, I would never meet someone for dinner as a first meeting. Much too intense. I met dh for a coffee in costa and thought I’d leave after half an hour if we didn’t get on. Two hours later they were closing the shop around us and we didn’t want to go....

POF- Plenty of fish

24 hours isn’t long enough.

I was on it about 6 weeks before I met dh. I just opened messages and if thy were cringe or horrible I just blocked and deleted them and kept going. I had lots of weirdos... one kept saying he thought I would be perfect for his 70 year old dad (I was 29 at the time), one said he was looking for someone to start a vegemite society with (and he was serious) and one kept telling me he wanted me to send photos of my earlobe.

I only met up with dh in the end and it just clicked for us.

Plenty of fish (POF)

Thanks for the positive stories. Maybe I will have another go and hide my profile.
I went through alot of profiles though and I messaged a couple but they didn't seem interested. One guy was chatting and then said shame you are not here. As in then, right that minute. He wasn't going to ask to meet up. I felt he was bored and wanted company there and then. Another started future faking after just a few messages. You're right it's not a race, it takes time. Surely there is another person out there somewhere that I will click with. It just felt disappointing.

Many thanks!

I was on it on and off for 2.5 years. Had lots of dates and chats from there but no one clicked for me till I met my partner. Don't expect to meet the man of your dreams straight away, it will take time and patience, and try not to take it too seriously. Just chat to people and see where it leads. Someone will pleasantly surprise you.

The thing is with messaging 1st....isn't that against the dating rules?. You can still apply some of that logic about letting them chase etc once you’ve expressed an interest - but with literally thousands of women for them to choose from you’re not goi g to find your prince by sitting back and waiting - be proactive, if only to add to favourites or send a quick first message - guys like women who are confident and value themselves, they won’t be put off because you like them enough to say hi and chat a bit about what you’ve read in their profile. Then you can start with the ‘test’ by leaving it up to him to arrange a date etc

One thing DP and I both said was that we weren’t up for game playing. He said if I like you I’m going to text you, I’m not into messing people around. I’d had a couple of dates before him where the guy seemed keen, we got on well, but then he didn’t reply to messages for days afterwards, so I binned him off. If a man is keen you’ll know, even if you’re the one to make the first move.

Married April 2013 after 18 months of dating, 1 child. Worked for us!

I met my 2nd husband on match. Never had any weirdos/idiots but then I had such a hefty profile which would probably scare them off, and some sifting characteristics - such as "no children, shouldn't want children" - which were ruling out the majority of people.

Good luck, Bubblesandcake, give it a try. I think it's worth corresponding for quite a while before you meet someone for the first time.

Met my DP on POF! We now live together and are TTC 😁

I did have to fight off some strange ones first though!