Age difference of nine years proving insurmountable

[GreyGauntlet]

I recently met a man who is nine years my junior I am 44 and he is 35. I did not give it much thought at the outset but he has mentioned it several times, in the context of "people are looking at us because we look so incongruous together". Would you be shocked or surprised or disapproving of this age gap?

I wouldn't think anything of it.

Can't say I'd actually notice a 9 year difference. Unless he looks very young. Are you sure he's not getting a kick out of the cougar idea, or trying to neg you?

It wouldn't bother me, my mum is 11 years older than my dad and they've been married and happy for years!

Wouldn't give it a second thought , my ex was 6 years younger than me .

I think he's looking for an excuse to finish with you . Get in before he does .

9 year gap between me +dh. I was 41 when we met!! Didn't occur to me to care tbh!!
Been together 6 years, married with a toddler now!!
Nobody has ever batted an eye!!

I'm 19. My boyfriend is 34. People don't look at us any different we're an attractive couple people say & look happy!

Its no big deal at your age. Really.

7 years between me and DH. I'm the older one. Apart from some popular culture references that the other doesn't get, it doesn't matter.
I'm in my 50s. He's in his 40s. Our dd is 11. She doesn't seem to care either. I think she'd love us both to be about 20 but that's a different story.

Unless you look unusually old or her looks unusually young I don’t think most people would bat an eyelid. The fact that he keeps banging on about it is a bit of a red flag.

I don't think most people would bat an eye at it. But it sounds like it's bothering him...

Sounds like he is the one with the problem. I can't imagine any one else cares.

ah, no.

It doesn't really matter what other people think of it, but it's obviously bothering him. I wouldn't appreciate him going on about it if I were you!

Also, I'd dump him before he dumps you.

My dh is 12 years younger than me. I did feel self conscious at first when he was 18 and I was 30 but 8 years later don't even think about it.

His usage of the word incongruous makes him round a bit of a twat.

You realise he's basically saying you look much older than him, right?

Not a pleasant thing to be saying.

Does 44 really look that different to 35? I wouldn't have thought so. It's all in his head.

Age gap of nine years between me and DH here too. We're together 16 years, married with two kids. It's not the age gap that's insurmountable OP but it sounds like it bothers him.

I suspect this is a code for "I don't want children yet". Once dh and I started to get serious, I said that I would want children. He said yes please. That was it. We'd discussed it.

It’s not the age difference but it is him...

15 years between my mum and dad. never thought about it myself and no ones ever commented that I know of.They don't look far apart in age though.

Wouldn't give it a second thought. Same for Dh and I, and loads of couples we know.
BUT the problem is, he clearly thinks it's a problem. Strange to use the word incongruous. I guess he's 'just not that into you'?

we've an 11 year age gap.

Sounds like he has a problem with it. Which you need to address together.

It meets the half your age + 7 "rule" - you're safe! ;)

It’s not you it’s him. He doesn’t sound very mature. Anything positive you’re getting out of this relationship?