Age difference of nine years proving insurmountable

[GreyGauntlet]

I recently met a man who is nine years my junior I am 44 and he is 35. I did not give it much thought at the outset but he has mentioned it several times, in the context of "people are looking at us because we look so incongruous together". Would you be shocked or surprised or disapproving of this age gap?

I really doubt anyone is looking. Two middle aged people together, no big deal. Unless he looks very young perhaps? With that gap I'd only look twice / judge if the younger person in the relationship was in their teens or early twenties. Like my dd's best friend who at 18 is dating a 27 year old, and my judging is entirely reserved for him.

Ihuntmonsters,
Yes I agree, 18 and 27 sounds a lot but it’s only 9 years but 18 is still very young.
Difficult one .

Exactly - if they were 27 and 36 I'd likely not even register it. It's not the gap so much as the vulnerability. Not an issue for the OP's boyfriend who sounds as if he might be making a dig at the OP's looks really (sorry OP!)

Yes OP’s boyfriend sounds like he is looking for a excuse to finish the relationship .

9 years was a lot between me and exdh. When we met exdh looked young for his age. So no one could really tell.

Fast forward 18 years and he was 44 and I was 35. People could tell. It wasn't just his looks. That didnt bother me, but he seemed to age in personality as well. Never wanted to go out, never socialise, go away etc. He was like a man twice his age. My dad is in his 60s and not like that. Age gap relationships don't always have this problem, obviously.

We split last year and it was definitely the right thing.

9 years may not seem a lot but sometimes it is. It seems to the ops boyfriend, that it is. And he isn't happy about it and going about it in an unkind way.