How pissed off would you be about this? DH and colleague

[dhsufb]

DH went out on a works do on Thursday night and today when I was using his phone a message from one of his colleagues popped up and I accidentally opened their conversation (iPhone so it was hovering at the top and didn’t know how to get rid of it). There were a few from Friday discussing the night before, DH said he had been quite drunk and colleague said ‘yeah I thought you must have been, you spent like an hour telling Megan how much you loved tits and how nice hers were’ ‘Megan’ is one of their colleagues . The rest of the conversation makes it clear that nothing actually happened, DH basically said he was cringing at the memory and colleague said it wasn’t a big deal and that she hadn’t seemed bothered.

I am obviously upset, I told him straight away that I’d seen the messages and he didn’t actually seem that worried I don’t think he thinks he did much wrong. He insists nothing happened with her and I do trust him that he hasn’t/wouldn’t do anything physical but hate the idea that he’s now going to work everyday with a woman that he’s had that conversation with.

Would you consider this flirting or ‘normal’ drunken conversation and would you be upset or am I over reacting?

He said he barely remembers it so can’t tell me any more but I am also worried about what else he could have said in a long drunken conversation with just her

I’d be horrified quite honestly if one of my colleagues spent an hour telling me how nice my tits were.

He is totally out of order.

It's not "normal" and if it's anyone's idea of flirting that's very sad but I think it's really just drunken wallyness - unfortunately many people show a predisposition to this, myself included. The fact he's mortified is a very good thing. Shows he's usually not like that and would hopefully put him off doing it again.

Of course you've a right to be upset, he spent an hour admiring another woman's boobs. But personally I'd say my piece, be upset and then try and move past it. In my eyes, it's not the greatest transgression, nor do I think it's a sign he's going to cheat. I just think it's a fair indicator that he's a bit of a berk when he's drunk.

And yes, if I were Megan I would be telling him no uncertain terms exactly what I thought of him the next time I saw him.

Also bear in mind colleague could well be exaggerating for theatrical effect and to embarrass your DH further.

I think he should take the woman some flowers, and say my wife says I owe you an apology

I agree with Guilty.

^^ me too.

I think he's lucky if Megan hasn't complained at work about him.

I'd be furious, but not because he was 'flirting'. That's not flirting, that's being a fucking creep. I'd tell him I hope she was going to report him for sexual harassment.

If my colleague spoke to me like that I'd be considering making a complaint.

Your husband should be thanking his lucky stars that Megan didn't report him. He could be fired for that. What a creep.

I like guiltys idea although I would be very strongly pointing out to my dh that this behaviour could get him warned at work , it’s harassment and now he knows how easily it can happen (to him ) he needs to make sure it doesn’t - if it does along with the lack of respect it Shows you it’s putting his job at risk and you would be reconsidering how you felt about him.

Your dh is a creep. Ltb

Yeah rhis is out of line, clearly the colleague is trying to reassure your husband Megan isn't going to report him for harassment.

It's not flirting. It's sexually harassing this woman. Men like that shouldn't be in the workplace. Who the fuck wants to hear them going on about how much they like tits, especially theirs. It's cringeworthy.

I'm sorry but your husband is a creep. I just don't understand how you'd even remotely consider this as flirting. That's not what flirting is. Seriously. It's no where close.

He should take Megan some flowers but he should more importantly, apologise profusely and tell her he has no excuse (apart from being a bellend).

That's not on. Megan deserves an apology and he needs to think about his drinking if he's getting so trashed that he's unaware of making vile comments like this.

Yes I did also think that he could get in trouble at work and he is senior to her so could look really bad. He is insistent though that she would have been ok with it and won't complain but don't know if he is just trying to convince himself of that or if that's true.

Do you think he must like her to tell her that or just being drunk? The more I think about it the worse I feel that he works with someone that he would feel comfortable having this conversation with as he is normally quite reserved with other women

I would be more annoyed by the fact that he had risked bei g accused of sexual harassment and possibly facing loosing his job or maybe even a run in with the police. I would have to insist that he went teetotal if he couldn't ha dkr his drink.

What he did was vile....but legally it is a pretty straight forward disciplinary as despite being out of working hours, it is still a work social event and the aggravating factor is he is senior and in a position of influence. What an utter disgrace he is and should be breathing a sigh of relief that he isn't in employ,ent tribunal land....although I would suspect he would get sacked for gross misconduct first

And for yourself...this won't have been the first time and probably not the last

I think it's quite shocking thst you're clearly more worried she might be a threat to you than you are that your husband behaved like a lecherous, abusive POS to a junior colleague. Your priorities are fucked up.

I think you're probably safe OP. It's likely Megan now thinks your husband is a drunken leacherous plonker and feels sorry for you.
Just keep fingers crossed she doesn't complain.

In this day and age with the metoo stuff after the Harvey Weinstein and the huge pc correctness over sexual harassment in the world it shocks me your husband or any man would say this to a colleague. I think he needs to be very careful by what he says and really not be drinking again.

I would not be recommending your husband brings the junior woman he drunkenly spent an hour rhapsodising over the tits of flowers! An apology for being a drunken twat is in order.

I too would be far more concerned with his unprofessional conduct, that could result in consequences for sexual harassment.

I think jealousy is a weird first reaction to have. I'd be a bit disgusted with him, and disappointed, but I don't think being inappropriate when drunk is a definite sign he's going to cheat on you. I'd be more cringing over how that poor woman must feel to have her senior male colleague drool over her boobs

Do you think he must like her to tell her that or just being drunk?

Well he likes her tits, at the least.

Drink probably didn't help the situation.... But he's a grown professional man. He should know better. Famous last words, obviously.