How pissed off would you be about this? DH and colleague

[dhsufb]

DH went out on a works do on Thursday night and today when I was using his phone a message from one of his colleagues popped up and I accidentally opened their conversation (iPhone so it was hovering at the top and didn’t know how to get rid of it). There were a few from Friday discussing the night before, DH said he had been quite drunk and colleague said ‘yeah I thought you must have been, you spent like an hour telling Megan how much you loved tits and how nice hers were’ ‘Megan’ is one of their colleagues . The rest of the conversation makes it clear that nothing actually happened, DH basically said he was cringing at the memory and colleague said it wasn’t a big deal and that she hadn’t seemed bothered.

I am obviously upset, I told him straight away that I’d seen the messages and he didn’t actually seem that worried I don’t think he thinks he did much wrong. He insists nothing happened with her and I do trust him that he hasn’t/wouldn’t do anything physical but hate the idea that he’s now going to work everyday with a woman that he’s had that conversation with.

Would you consider this flirting or ‘normal’ drunken conversation and would you be upset or am I over reacting?

He said he barely remembers it so can’t tell me any more but I am also worried about what else he could have said in a long drunken conversation with just her

Hmm. Im friends with ‚‘megan‘.

Not your Megan, but one very like her. ‘Dave’ was your DH

It’s been a year, ‘Dave‘ is now unemployed. Megan has been through hell. As has Daves poor wife.

Op, I think I understand why you're more focused on does he fancy her and was he flirting , but the bottom line is he was a drunken horny sleaze hitting on a more junior female.

How many other Megan's has their been? If she does complain he will be fired. Personally I hope she does, too many women but up with this shit from saddos in the workplace.

Your issue is not whether he fancies this woman, it's that he has no respect for you or her. Totally unacceptable behaviour on every level. With any luck someone else will report him for sexual harassment if Megan doesn't - sounds like plenty of people witnessed his humiliating treatment of a junior colleague.

You sound more concerned that he likes her than the fact he is clearly acting so appallingly. Don't know what you want from this thread really?

He is insistent though that she would have been ok with it and won't complain but don't know if he is just trying to convince himself of that or if that's true

Yeah, i am sure Megan is absolutely fine with a senior colleague going on about her tits in front of co-workers on night out. Your husband is a wanker and if he treats women this way when drunk, it's probably not far from his mind when sober. Dies he fancy her? Who knows, perhaps he just felt uninhibited enough to talk to her like she was an object? He has behaved very badly to both you and her and I hope SOMEONE gives him a life lesson soon. A warning from work wouldn't be a bad idea.

And as for does he like her, op he was coming onto her, in the sleaziest of ways and in front of others, he was clearly ogling her breasts and publicly complimenting them. You've got to feel sorry for her.

I'd agree, if she doesn't complain, hopefully someone else does. It's so wrong that peer pressure means some men can become complete leering perverts in front of an audience, start talking about your tits, and you need to just laugh it off and be cool with it.

She's not a piece of meat and your husbands behavuour is sickening.

He doesn't know that.
I may seem the type that would be ok with it. I am often happy to give a dose of my razor sharp wit as part of office banter. I would not be ok with a senior individual in my company doing that in a social setting. I would find it uncomfortable and intimidating. When I very first posted I hadn't realised he was her senior, I was under the impression she was part of the gang of mates on messages for some reason. As equals, it's bad, as her senior it's a pretty despicable abuse of power. She may feel she has no other choice than to be "ok" with it.

Poor Megan

Your DH needs to grovel. And start updating his CV in case he finds himself looking for a new job very soon

I hope this Megan and all the other Megan's of the world report this type of sexual harassment to HR. All of these creepy pervy fucker men need to be jobless. Women should be able to interact with co-workers without being sexually objectified.

And, OP, this is your husband. Why?

And the conversation wasn't with just her. One colleague at least witnessed it. So how many others did, was there senior management present? Because people talk. And if he was behaving as badly as you say, then he could be in a lot of trouble. As he should be.

Ha! This has vividly reminded me of a works night out, I guess I was naive in thinking all my male ‘mate’ colleagues thought I was their equal when one drunkenly told me he’d often fantised about his tongue up my arse.

Kinda killed my mood for friendly drinks out. And meetings ever after where fucking awful.

But yeah, guess me crossing the line was the real problem

Yeah we have all met the workplace drunken pervert. The issue arises when you know you're married to him.

Opps sorry were

I hope his admiration for Megan’s tits will tide him through being unemployed. Megan not “seeming to be bothered” was probably hobbled by both good manners and being a junior colleague. Why should the Megans of the world have to put up with this crap. Get him told - do us all a favour. If I was Megan I’d probably seeking new employment as a direct result of his poor choices. Even if she manages to improve her career as a result, he needs to make better choices regarding his demeanour and the example he is setting to other people in his place of work. I feel for you Op what he did was unexcusable.

Yeah we have all met the workplace drunken pervert. The issue arises when you know you're married to him. And think the problem is that he's been "flirting"

Yeah, hands up who wants to hear a drunken horny colleague tell you how much he likes tits for an hour...anyone? Nope. Thought not.

How op you could classify this as flirting is mind boggling. Is that how he flirted with you?

Totally unacceptable behaviour. Yet you seem to think this sexual harassment is ok, your husband is a dirty old letch.
Sexual harassment and flirting are nothing at all alike. What your creep of a husband did was disrespectful to you and poor Megan.

I think it's quite shocking thst you're clearly more worried she might be a threat to you than you are that your husband behaved like a lecherous, abusive POS to a junior colleague. Your priorities are fucked up.

This ^^

I am absolutely not blaming her or suggesting she has done anything wrong, I feel sorry for her and angry and embarrassed with him for being such a creep.

But yes I am also worried about why he would do it, he was drunk but it’s still out of character he is not normally a lecherous creep. Maybe that’s selfish of me but cannot help it.

Are you sure it's out of character? People can be very different at work and with colleagues. It's probably not the first time he's done it, just the first time you've found out.

To be honest, he could be looking at a sexual harassment issue here and could lose his job.

He seems like a bit of a creep to me. The drink just made him comfortable enough to say what he's clearly thinking all the time.

Your Dh harasses his junior colleagues when drunk that's not flirting. How many more women has he treated like objects at work only to reveal his disgusting thoughts when drunk.
He's a creep with no awareness or regard for whether Megan even wanted to be privy to his perverted thoughts.