Slept with a married man at the weekend - and have been feeling guilty ever since

[geekgirl78]

So I realise that I'm probably going to get a lot of of flak by posting this. But, I met a married man last weekend in my local pub. I didn't know that he was married when we first chatted, but if I'm honest, I did by the time we went home together...,

I'm now feeling awful about the whole thing. I feel as if I've broken my own personal moral code by doing what I did last weekend. What makes it worse is that I really liked him and am fighting the temptation to get back in touch with him (we swapped e-mail addresses). Obviously, I'm not acutally to get back in touch with him because:

i) my father left my mother for 'the other woman' when I was 17, so I've seen the carnage that can occur

ii) I don't want a whole heap of pain in my life

So why do I still feel bad? (Obviously, I've changed my name for this post).

I'm single at the momwnt BTW.

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Fiofio and Dior: it is possible to have a marriage ceremony that does not include promises of monogamy - humanist wedding celebrants will happily compose such a ceremony. I do actually know some married couples whose marriage vows explicitly stated that their marriages were not going to be monogamous, by mutual consent.
What I'm trying to get at, without picking on or slagging off any individual posters, is that more people should think about and discuss their relationships rather than just assuming monogamy is what everyone does and is therefore the "proper" way to live.

geekgirl - you have seen the fallout from this with your parent's marriage you know you dont want to cause someone else's wife/child that hurt.

MadameZ unless the poster knows his personal circumstances and knows they have an open relationship and chooses to live her life that way too (which it doesnt sound like she does) then it is best to keep clear. I was chased for years by a work colleague who said he had an open marriage, I have to say on the occasions I met his wife it did not feel to me that it was a situation she was happy with!!

He is not a prize worth winning he is either a complete dog or has committment issues. Try not to wear the beer goggles any more and I hope to hell you used a condom or you could have taken home a nasty gift from him.

I hate to sound callous but you should feel bad. What an awful thing to do to someone else.

Erm, sorry for not replying sooner, but I've been away for a few days.

I think I'd already made it clear that I've no intention of getting back in touch with the man in question again (for the record, he's e-mailed me twice since I met him (which just goes to show) and I have NOT responded). I posted when I was feeling pretty devastated about the whole thing. I was shocked by how awful the whole incident had made me feel, and still continue to cringe over the whole thing.

As far as the whole monagamony/open marriage debate goes, I don't think I can't really comment, as I'm not married. I DO know that I felt as if I'd broken my own rules, regardless of the agreement the man in question may have had with his wife.

Finally, while I recognize that posting about this topic probably left me open to attack, I was shocked to be called a whore. For what it's worth, I'm a hardworking professional, who rarely goes in for one night stands (and yes, I am aware that using a condom is a good idea). I centainly do not hang out in pubs looking for married men to lure back to my wanton lair! As far as the morality of casual sex between two consenting adults goes, well I think that's probably a topic for a whole new thread....,

whereas i agree that there are plenty of single guys out there gagging for it, it takes 2 to tango and so as you are single and he was married he should have had the resolve (yes taking into account about open relationships etc) to not be out on the pull.

personally don't understand the point of committing to another person in any sort of ceremony if you can't remain faithful.

if you feel bad about this i'm sure you'll have more resolve so it's the cheating gits i have a problem with (luckily i haven't married one but ex's were of that category and it's not nice) if you're with the right person it just ain't necessary. and if you're not with the right person finish first ffs.

If men are going to sleep around, they are going to sleep around. If it wasn't you, it would be someone else. In future, avoid married men LIKE THE PLAGUE! Really, nearly always, you will be doomed if you go out with a married man. Even if they divorce, they will probably do the same thing to you.

You should feel guilty - you shoul;d be ashamed of yourself and realise that you have acted in a cehap manner that completely lacks ethics and morals - spinless really

I agree that if he is going too he will with you or someone else but at least if it is someone else you can hold your head high and know that you have not contirbuted to the demise of a marriage and family in a day and age when they seem to have sooo much to battle against anyway

think long and ahrd about yourself and why you were so weak - next time you find yourself ina simlar position try telling him to think of his wife and/or children and walk away knowing that you were desired (even if only for a fling/f*ck) AND had the backbone to do the right thing

women need to stick together not stab each other in tha back

If you feel bad don't do it again.

If you don't feel bad then email him if you are okay with dealing with the situation you are creating.

My view is that he took vows and promised God to be faithful...not you.

You didnt promise anyone anything and just because he did does not obligate you are anyone else.

Whatever decision you make make sure that it is what you want in life and that you are not selling yourself short. At the end of the day you are not going to be with this man long term probably, but I am sure there are guys you have dated that you know you would not end up with long term either. That is just my 2 cents.

Do you.

I agree KerryMum - VERY BAD SISTER

any woman who doe thins knowing that the man is married lacks morality and backbone and should be utterly ashamed of herself

Yes he took the vows but we as women need to stick together and be better as we often like to tout ourselves as being - I beleive in general we are the strong ones and when the weak of us show there ugly heads the undermine all other women - all I can say is KARMA - I hope one day when she is married htat some cheap little hussy sleeps with her husband

I personally would find it offputting if the wife was alright about me doing her husband, (NOT THAT I HAVE BEEN IN THIS POSITION)

Well, it happens.

You live and learn.

glad to read that geekgirl - and I hope that in future you have the decency to do the right thing and quite frankly it is good you feel bad because you should - sometime we do thigs and we deserve to feel like sit for it

I don't get this "women should stick together at all cost" thing. some women are complete cunts and don't deserve female solidarity at all - just as some men are endlessly generous, unselfish and therefore get made mugs of.

when following advice about feeling bad and moving on, do make sure you remember the moving on bit! Feel guilty for a bit, make sure you never do it again (or more precisely I suspect don't get into a situation where drink clouds your judgements- a situation where you are actually at risk anyway aren;'t you?) but learn and move on. It was a bad call but you are NOT evil. You have deleted his messages and are doing the right ting now and thats all you can do unless you have a time machine, in which case you need to be on the Dr Who thread insetead.