My soon to be ex DH had an affair with a girl who worked in the same office as we did... yes, all three of us worked together! She knew we were married, she had met our son, in fact, after she crashed her car we used to give her a lift to work and she sat in the back next to our ds.
She seemed to be trying to be my friend... I had not long come back to work after we adopted our ds and she started with the company whilst I was on leave... I had no reason to be suspicious of her asking questions about our life except it was to try and steal him. Which she did.
Our divorce comes through in 2 weeks time after 4 years of sheer hell, fighting over money and our ds. The pair of them being really nasty and insulting towards me to the point that I moved me and ds 60 miles away to a new job and home because I could not take it any longer.
I had done nothing wrong. My ex got himself into financial trouble and got caught out after running up nearly £20,000 worth of debt so of course I was not pleased with him at the time... he had second thoughts about becoming a father but did not tell me until it was too late and all of this strain just made the single girl with a healthy trust fund and a rich family seem so appealing. I could not compete against that.
It really was the worst time of my life and I would not wish it on anyone. I survived only because of the support of my family, my friends and the fact that I had my DS to care for.
I am a strong and stubborn person so when you knock me down I do get back up again... sometimes it takes a lot of effort and time but I keep going. I am thankful for this because there were days when I really thought the pain was going to tear me in two and I couldn't see the answer or the future. As I said, years have passed and both me and my ds are happy and settle but it has scarred me. I do not trust easily and am scared about trying again in case we get hurt again.
My ds suffered badly at the time because of our break up and it took a long time before he could have a relationship with his dad again. He visits now but it is not the same and he comes back unhappy and troubled every time.
I am not telling you this to make you feel bad, though if you have the conscience it would seem you have, you will feel bad.
I am telling you this because you need to understand the pain that innocent people go through because their partners do not respect them enough to stay faithful.
Despite the fact that the 'other woman' in my situation made a hard play for my ex despite knowing about his family life, I still think it is the cheating partner who is more to blame because they are the ones with the most to lose.
However, I would like to hope that you do not see this man again or contact him again and if he contacts you that you tell him to go away unless he becomes single.
The wife does not deserve this pain no matter what he tries to tell you about her. She has done nothing to you and I hope that any children do not have to suffer either.
If you are meant to be together then he should end his marriage as amicably and as decently as possible and then come to you when he is free and not before.
You are certainly not the worst person in this scenario but there is nothing to feel proud about unless you stop it all now.
You should also consider the amount of self respect you have. Surely you are worth all of a person rather than the bits he has left over for you, rather than the stolen moments peppered with lies.
He went back to his wife and pretended you did not exist. You should have a man who thinks that you are special above everyone else and who wants to be with only you.
I hope this all works out for you and he gets a grip of himself and remembers that he loved his wife enough to propose to her above every other woman in the world and he loved her enough to marry her.